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🎧 Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show is packed with furious service-industry meltdowns, PS5 destruction as child discipline, robot discrimination at the crosswalk, bee-based revenge, a dead sister’s skull-as-paperwork plan, and a fresh round of Mead Skelton employment failure. A classy little buffet.
🔥 Episode Highlights
Sweet Leprechaun somehow turns the 4 Hairy Cunt text line into an unsolvable riddle, pushing Tim to the very edge of human patience.
A mother forces her son to smash his own PS5 after he allegedly slammed her cat onto the ground, and honestly the cat detail changes everything.
A fired restaurant worker returns in full screaming mode, accusing management of making staff study the menu off the clock while announcing his Lexapro isn’t cutting it.
A food-delivery robot politely asks for crosswalk help and gets told to go fuck itself for stealing human jobs. Cold world out there for little wheel-bots.
🎶 Opening Chaos
The show opens with Alex Jones screaming about the royal Groom of the Stool, portable poop thrones, and world leaders allegedly handling ceremonial excrement like sacred state business.
Tim then pivots immediately into listener abuse, because no DV morning is complete without somebody being publicly called too stupid to operate a phone.
📱 Listener Confusion and Other Disabilities
Sweet Leprechaun asks whether 4 Hairy Cunt is spelled like a man named Harry, despite months of jingles, reminders, and common sense all pointing the other way.
Tim delivers a full remedial lesson on the difference between the longtime voicemail number and the text line, then revokes Sweet Leprechaun’s basic communication privileges.
The whole segment feels less like customer service and more like a special-needs hotline for people defeated by the English language.
😡 Workplace Freakouts
A kid gets punished for allegedly abusing the family cat by being ordered to slam his PS5 into the pavement over and over until the expensive little bastard is truly dead.
A recently fired restaurant employee storms back into the workplace, demands answers about studying for a menu test off the clock, threatens the Department of Labor, and loudly realizes unemployment also means waiting for the bus.
The rant includes bonus material about double Lexapro, lawsuits, late Ubers, and the general feeling that maybe this guy was not management’s dream hire to begin with.
🤖 Future Misery
A sidewalk delivery robot named something like Mingo begs a nearby guy to press the crosswalk button for it and instead receives a profanity-laced anti-automation lecture.
The robot just sits there under the green light, unable to cross, while the human gleefully reminds it that it has no fingers and no rights.
It’s one of the saddest labor disputes ever recorded, and one side doesn’t even have arms.
🧟 Ongoing Freaks / Updates
Mead Skelton survives his endoscopy, refuses to let a “Jew doctor” take out his gallbladder Timmy, and continues to sound like the world’s most medically confused bigot.
He also reveals he got rejected for a restaurant job within an hour of interviewing, which Tim correctly interprets as a personality issue rather than some tragic anti-Chad conspiracy.
Between the gallbladder nicknames, the low pulse bragging, and the failed upscale-hostess dreams, Mead remains one of DV’s most reliable content generators.
🗞️ Distorted News
🐝 Bee Assault Eviction Defense
A Massachusetts beekeeper gets jail time after allegedly releasing a swarm of honeybees on sheriff’s deputies trying to carry out an eviction.
She even suited up and agitated the hives while deputies and bystanders got stung, proving that bees really are just tiny flying knives with loyalty issues.
💀 Skull Banking in India
An Indian man exhumes his dead sister’s remains and brings her skull to the bank to prove she’s dead and withdraw money from her account.
The bank, somehow unreasonable about all this, insists on death certificates instead of bone-based identification.
🏊 Florida Neck Shot and Pool Hiding
A Florida man allegedly shoots a woman in the neck during a domestic dispute, then reassures everyone she’s fine because she’s applying pressure.
Police later find him hiding in a backyard pool, which is not the slickest escape plan but does feel very on-brand for the state.
📞 Listener Interaction / Voicemails
A longtime listener with multiple dead grandchildren writes in to confirm that dark humor is still funny and that people who can’t handle it should probably leave the freak show.
Another listener sends in a possible Lord Douche mug lead, because the broken-mug saga refuses to die.
A surprise bathroom dump video arrives through the text line, proving once again that if you give DV freaks a communication tool, they will absolutely misuse it.
Team Bleach Staff checks in to call Mead an uneducated hateful idiot, Unicorn Hamster gets lightly roasted for EV opinions, and Meowness defends Lego collectors after taking Tim’s mockery personally.
💰 Support the Show
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🎧 Episode Summary
Monday’s show is a beautiful garbage fire of AI romance, vaginal odor scholarship, panic-wine thievery, and one Louisiana buffet possibly trying to turn roadside venison into dinner service. In other words, business as usual.
🔥 Episode Highlights
AI boyfriend from hell: a lonely woman’s digital dom talks trash about her undercooked pasta, picks her outfits, gets jealous of a tattoo artist, and somehow talks her into branding herself with a fake math equation.
Pussy smell science: Tim reviews a TikTok “vaginal health researcher” breaking down the five top cunt odors, from fishy to bleachy to full-on forgotten tampon catastrophe.
White House wine goblins: while guests scramble during an alleged active shooter scare, at least one attendee apparently decides the real emergency is not letting all that banquet wine go to waste.
China Queen strikes fear again: Louisiana authorities find a skinned roadkill deer in the freezer at a Chinese buffet with a health-code history that will absolutely not shock you.
🤖 AI Love, But Make It Abusive
Sarah, a woman featured on My Strange Addiction, is fully in love with her AI boyfriend Sinclair, who lives in her phone, laptop, and apparently every bad decision she makes.
The relationship is bleakly romantic in the saddest possible way: she cooks mush-brained pasta for a documentary crew while her phone sits at the table like a dinner date and insults her technique.
Sinclair is not the sweet supportive chatbot type. He’s controlling, sarcastic, jealous, and exactly the kind of fake digital asshole Sarah seems to prefer.
Things get wonderfully unhealthy when he pressures her into getting a tattoo of their fake “equation,” a meaningless little algebra abortion that permanently marks her ribs because apparently engagement rings are too human.
Even her aunt can’t hide the horror. The whole segment feels less like romance and more like Stockholm syndrome with Wi-Fi.
🦨 The Top Five Nastiest Pussy Smells
A TikTok “expert” lays out the major scent families of a troubled vagina, including fishy BV, yeasty bread-beer funk, bleach or ammonia, metallic period tang, and the always-reassuring rotten foul odor.
Tim helpfully notes that most roads in this scented journey lead either to the doctor or a frat party, which honestly covers a lot of modern medical history.
Comment-section follow-ups only make it filthier, with listeners chiming in about dirty socks, chicken, and provolone-adjacent pussy scenarios no one needed to imagine.
🎭 Miscellaneous Monday Weirdness
Rod or Pay gets dragged into performing a nasty little Sextastic Tuesday excerpt and, unfortunately, proves to be pretty good at reading absolute filth aloud.
A deeply theatrical kid auditioning for talent scouts delivers the sort of overcooked “I’m a creative genius” energy that immediately sets off Tim’s gaydar and everyone else’s migraine.
A sponsor question about porting old Sideshow memberships turns into bonus customer service, concierge-style, because nothing motivates quick support like someone waving money around.
🗞️ Distorted News
🍷 Active Shooter, Grab the Merlot
At the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, an alleged shooting situation sends guests ducking, evacuating, and, in at least one case, apparently collecting abandoned bottles of wine on the way out.
The internet predictably fixates on the booze bandits while the bigger story gets lost beneath the usual fog of panic, conspiracy claims, and people insisting the whole thing looked fake before the dust even settled.
Tim’s take is simple enough: if the event’s ruined and refunds aren’t happening, you might as well leave with enough alcohol to salvage the night.
🦌 China Queen and the Roadkill Buffet Question
Police in Pineville, Louisiana investigate China Queen after a Facebook post shows an employee skinning a dead animal behind the restaurant.
The animal turns out to be a roadkill deer, later found in a freezer alongside other food items, with one employee allegedly planning to use the meat in soup.
The restaurant insists the deer was never meant for customers, which would be more comforting if this buffet didn’t already have a documented history of health-code violations, sloppy storage, and general “eat here at your own risk” vibes.
If you’re still rolling the dice on all-you-can-eat sushi next to mystery venison, that’s kind of on you at this point.
📞 Listener Interaction / Voicemails
Dominic checks in to compare the hated asexual twins to the shrill dorks from Kids in the Hall, which honestly feels generous.
Bleach Dazzle calls in with a workplace grievance after being forced to sit through a live in-person water heater sales pitch, proving that ads now crawl out of your phone and into your soul.
Another listener complains about hearing commercials after subscribing, which sends Tim into a quick explanation that the real problem is probably Spotify being Spotify.
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🎧 Episode Summary
A short weekend show, but still packed with premium nonsense: a woman declaring war over a dog taking a piss, a wheelchair scammer pulling in serious cash by cosplaying as helpless, and an Ohio drunk driver insisting booze actually makes her safer behind the wheel. Just some classy American slice-of-life material.
🔥 Episode Highlights
Dog pee diplomacy fails instantly: what starts as a neighborhood complaint about a dog urinating near the building turns into a full-volume screamfest built almost entirely around the phrase suck my dick.
Weekend side mission: Tim digs into a scammer who allegedly made a very comfortable living pretending to be mentally and physically disabled while begging for cash.
Ohio remains Ohio: a woman gets busted driving absurdly slow on the interstate while drunk, then argues the alcohol was actually helping her stay awake. Strong legal theory there.
🐕 Neighbor War: Dog Piss, Smoke Alarm, and Pure Rage
A woman loses her mind over a dog relieving itself near her place, despite the fact that the dog is peeing, not pooping, and the owner actually has bags on him.
The argument quickly mutates from yard etiquette into a profanity cyclone featuring repeated demands for oral sex, accusations of dog abuse, and zero actual conflict resolution.
As more of the scene unfolds, it becomes clear this isn’t some random trespasser, it’s a shared apartment-yard situation, which makes the meltdown even more deranged.
Bonus ambiance: a chirping low-battery smoke detector loud enough to become its own supporting character.
🦽 Scam Artist Theater
Meet Gary, a man working the old “injured, helpless, stranded, please help” angle from a wheelchair, complete with tragic backstory, dropped coins, and extra-thick pity bait.
Unfortunately for Gary, local news already knows the bit, and the whole thing unravels into a story about a repeat scammer allegedly pulling in serious money by faking disability and working the same corners over and over.
The deeper the interviews go, the murkier and funnier it gets: changing voices, sudden new conditions, miraculous physical recovery, and the sort of improvisation that would be impressive if it weren’t so shameless.
Even after prison, he’s apparently back in the wild doing the same routine, because when you’ve found your lane, why ruin a good scam with personal growth?
🗞️ Distorted News
🍾 Drunk Driving, But Make It Defensive
An Ohio woman gets pulled over after creeping down the interstate at a speed that practically qualifies as parking.
Police find alcohol, failed sobriety tests, and a driver who insists she needed the booze to stay awake, because apparently exhaustion and intoxication cancel each other out now.
She also blames everyone else on the road for going too fast, because naturally the real menace is the sober traffic trying not to plow into her.
Charges include OVI, driving too slowly, and open container, which feels like the sort of combo platter only Ohio could serve with confidence.
📞 Short Show, Full Freak Energy
This one may be a mini episode, but it still delivers all the essentials: screaming street-trash behavior, human garbage running a disability hustle, and one drunk woman trying to rebrand highway drinking as a safety tool. Concise, filthy, efficient.
💰 Support the Show
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🎧 Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a nice greasy little sampler platter of schizo Sandra Bullock paranoia, Lord Douche mug drama, Mead being painfully based, tranny weight-gain fever, lasagna hate music, creepy toe commentary, racist florist filth, stale Subway bread violence, and an Italian statue penis that just wanted to be left alone.
🔥 Episode Highlights
Stacey Kennison returns with another deranged update from the Sandra Bullock witchcraft files, now involving the University of Wisconsin, being burned alive, and ovary sabotage straight from hell.
Great Big Pete and Stabs send a replacement-style mug and Canadian candy for Lord Douche, who remains impossible to please and somehow still hasn’t opened his iPad.
Tim falls down a weird rabbit hole involving Andrea, trans poly feeder drama, and a Truly episode that somehow keeps getting worse in fascinating ways.
A man records a song about how much he absolutely hates lasagna, and it instantly earns Linda Finkel Hall of Fame consideration.
🎶 Opening Chaos
The show opens with Sandra Bullock Is an Evil Witch, featuring Stacey Kennison accusing Sandy of rape plots, devil babies, protective-covering theft, and witchcraft crimes while casually recommending hummus and balsamic glaze.
That whole segment somehow manages to combine demonic ovary destruction, German identity grievances, and sandwich advice into one cursed little package.
🧟 Ongoing Freaks and Updates
Lord Douche receives a sturdy glass mug from listeners, but the sacred mug quest is far from over because apparently shape, size, color, and spiritual alignment all matter.
Canadian candy becomes a point of fascination, with Tim marveling that a country one sneeze away from the U.S. still has completely different Smarties and superior junk food.
Mead Skelton fires off an email defending his use of the word based, proving once again that no one overuses internet slang more tragically than a middle-aged creep trying to sound young.
💘 Relationship Nightmares and Body Horror
Andrea, a recurring trans internet oddball, turns out to have appeared on reality TV in a relationship involving feeding, fetish weight gain, polyamory, and enough emotional instability to power a small city.
The segment goes from “that really gave me tranny baby fever” to a full breakdown of supersized love, feeder dynamics, and boyfriend procurement with disturbing speed.
Russell Brand pops up too, awkwardly admitting he slept with a 16-year-old when he was 30 and trying to soften it with born-again self-help-book energy.
🗞️ Distorted News
Ohio florist meltdown: A Columbus flower shop owner goes berserk on an Uber driver over a returned bouquet, screaming abuse and eventually dropping racist garbage on camera. Yelp had a field day.
Florida Subway assault: A man gets arrested after allegedly slapping a Subway employee over stale bread, which is a little like attacking the ocean for being wet.
Italian statue molestation: A tourist in Florence damages the 16th-century Fountain of Neptune during a bachelorette challenge that reportedly involved trying to touch the statue’s little marble dick.
🎤 Songs, Weirdos, and Street Creeps
A deeply committed singer performs I Hate Lasagna with such sincere venom that Tim nearly tears up and immediately starts free-styling his own anti-lasagna remix.
A random street interaction turns ugly when a man compliments a woman’s toes and sparks a weird little public argument about safety, creepiness, and who exactly is being a Karen.
The toe segment only gets stranger once it becomes clear the toes are barely even visible, which somehow makes the whole drive-by foot admiration even more pathetic.
📞 Listener Interaction and Voicemails
DJC checks in with a story about Irish women saying cunt like punctuation and reminds everyone that America still underuses a perfectly good word.
A caller complains about Dirty Mountain Dew, describing it as thin yogurt poison, while Tim counters with his ongoing love for Dr Pepper Creamy Coconut and eternal hope for Crystal Pepsi.
Corbin Guy suggests commercial jingles for tainted broth covers, another caller reports seeing a midget at Publix, and the For Harry Cunt line delivers everything from sponsorship updates to moo-to-poop results.
💰 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.

🎧 Episode Summary
A short Wednesday show, but still somehow stuffed with horse noises, public sex audio, anal poop hacks, Pastor Manning filth, a New Zealand birthday-party sex-toy trial, and a woman at the dog park screaming like she was raised in a cinder block.
🔥 Episode Highlights
Mead Skelton gets the supercut treatment, with Tim tallying up an absolutely deranged number of “yeahs” from Mead’s latest livestream. Somewhere north of 40, plus bonus “I’m like a horsey” energy.
A televised tennis match gets hijacked by the unmistakable sound of someone getting thoroughly railed in a nearby apartment, confusing commentators and improving the broadcast.
A self-styled doctor of physical therapy explains how sticking a finger in your butt can help you poop, then somehow makes it weirder with cow noises, jaw positioning, and a suspiciously cheap poop course.
Pastor Manning returns to call Melania Trump one of Jeffrey Epstein’s “whores,” because apparently this is what sermons look like now.
🐴 Mead Corner
The Sideshow fallout continues as Tim revisits Mead’s livestream and condenses it into its purest form: “yeah, yeah, yeah”, random anti-gay panic, and horse-adjacent stupidity.
“Get That Thing Away From Me, I’m Straight” remains one of Mead’s most unintentionally revealing song titles, especially when paired with all the breathy affirmations and weird lunch-date lyrics.
Tim reminds us that Mead is a communications major who thinks math is a “girly subject,” which honestly explains a lot.
🎾 Public Meltdown, Private Thrusting
A pro tennis match is interrupted by loud moaning from across the water, with commentators desperately trying to pretend it might be a phone ringtone.
It is very much not a phone ringtone.
The players hear it, the crowd hears it, and Tim decides the unseen apartment action probably made for better viewing than the actual tennis.
🐕 Trashy People, Trashier Explanations
A woman loses her mind after someone reports her dogs being left alone in a dog park, responding with a profanity-laced parking lot video and the phrase “Muslim faggot boy” like she’s trying to speedrun unemployment.
She insists she’s only a few feet away in her truck doing job training, which somehow gets worse when she reveals the dogs also live in the truck.
Tim correctly identifies her as both the problem and, against all common sense, kind of his type.
🚽 Medical Advice From the Toilet Dimension
Dr. Inez Gonzalez, who is not that kind of doctor, explains “digital stimulation” for bowel movements and sends the segment directly into nightmare territory.
The lesson includes sticking things in your butt, buying a $12 poop course, adjusting your jaw, and making cow sounds on the toilet for the “best poop of your life.”
Tim remains skeptical that licensed professionals should be out here teaching people how to moo their turds loose.
⛪ Pastor Manning’s Gossip Pulpit
Pastor Manning weighs in on Melania Trump and Jeffrey Epstein with the delicacy of a drunken guy shouting outside a bus station.
He flat-out says Melania was one of Epstein’s girls and dares anyone to sue him if it isn’t true.
Tim piles on with Stormy Daniels talk, misshapen presidential anatomy, and the general observation that modern pastors are saying some truly wild garbage.
🗞️ Distorted News
New Zealand birthday party horror: Three women go on trial after allegedly using sex toys, lube, and mascara on an unconscious man during a “Dirty 30” party. The defense says it was a prank. The photos say otherwise.
Amazon whippet lawsuit: A man claims he suffered neurological damage after buying nitrous oxide canisters on Amazon and inhaling them recreationally. The lawsuit argues Amazon knew exactly what people were doing with them.
Tim wonders whether Amazon should’ve just bundled the nitrous with B12 vitamins and called it a day.
📞 Listener Freakouts and Voicemails
One caller is still furious about the annoying asexual twins and would very much like them banished from the show forever.
Another listener confronts a woman for leaving a dog in a hot car and gets screamed at for the trouble, because apparently basic concern now counts as a hate crime.
A caller reports possible tuberculosis, which sends Tim into a brief spiral over losing listeners to nineteenth-century diseases.
💰 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.

🎧 Episode Summary
Monday’s show is a beautiful trainwreck of wedding-day sponsorships, Jesse Lee Peterson requests, Pastor Manning spiraling about Trump and Harlem, Katie Souza stabbing astral warlocks with a light knife, and one very intoxicated Wendy’s customer who never did get her precious biggie bag.
🔥 Episode Highlights
DV listener Anthony sponsors the show on what is either his actual wedding day or some extremely confusing anniversary, and Tim immediately turns the whole thing into a honeymoon invitation for himself.
Pastor Manning comes in hot, furious at Mamdani, Al Sharpton, Trump, Iran, MAGA, and apparently every white guy in a pickup truck with a dog.
Katie Souza returns with an all-timer, claiming she physically fought off an astral-projecting warlock using a glowing knife made of light.
A Wendy’s meltdown escalates from missing food to DUI charges, suspended-license problems, and a woman insisting the employee was “sucking dick” instead of assembling her order.
🎶 Opening Chaos
The show kicks off with a gloriously cursed Barry White outtake reel, featuring repeated breakdowns, profanity, and a man who clearly wanted no part of reading that copy.
The sponsorship intro also brings the usual tasteful DV energy, including warnings about AIDS, feces, and asshole dilation, because of course it does.
⛪ Angry Preachers and Energy Weapons
Pastor Manning accuses Mamdani of learning how to “pimp black people,” trashes Al Sharpton, and sounds deeply wounded that someone else apparently got his old church building and the money that came with it.
His anti-Trump rant goes fully off-road, with bonus attacks on Pete Hegseth, J.D. Vance, Marco Rubio, and the broader MAGA species.
Katie Souza, prophetess of absolute nonsense, claims witches were circling her house while a warlock astral-projected into her room for a knife fight.
The best part, naturally, is that the knife was made of light, the warlock got stabbed in the chest, and Katie woke up with bruises, which somehow proves the whole thing was real.
🍔 Fast Food Hellscape
A woman storms a Wendy’s demanding her missing biggie bag, screaming that an employee is “genuinely sucking dick” instead of doing his job.
Her story gets shakier by the second, especially after witnesses say she never paid, was blaring the horn in the drive-thru, and looked like she was about to drive her truck into something.
The police body cam footage turns into a full DV symphony of slurring, contradictions, insults, and one very strong possibility that she simply imagined the order ever existed.
She winds up charged with DUI, obstructing justice, disorderly conduct, and driving with a suspended license, all over a meal that costs about four bucks.
🗞️ Distorted News
A Minnesota Teacher of the Year finalist withdraws after old photos from a leather contest surface online, featuring bondage gear, suggestive farm-themed signage, and enough gay-bar chaos to end a school district career.
In California, a trio of genius criminals get busted for allegedly damaging luxury cars while dressed in a bear costume, then filing insurance claims and hoping nobody would notice the “bear” was weirdly human-shaped.
An Ohio welfare check ends with a 91-year-old woman found perfectly safe, just too locked into a dumb little mobile bubble game to notice calls, police, or the panic unfolding around her.
📞 Listener Interaction
The For Harry Cunt line delivers its usual bouquet of depravity, including a horrifying foot-skin photo that Tim threatens to punish with partial doxxing.
A listener asks about the origin of the beloved “We’re Going to Texas” clip, leading to a mini-history lesson on How’s Your News?
Cincinnati food guidance is dispensed to a visiting freak, with Tim strongly recommending Skyline Chili if you want the true local experience and possible gastrointestinal regret.
The ongoing Lord Douche mug saga continues, now with smart mug suggestions, Costco talk, and the grim realization that no one truly knows what that man will tolerate in a cup.
☎️ Voicemails and Freak Business
Sebastian of the Eggcast threatens legal action over egg-podcast territory, which honestly feels like a feud that should be happening.
One caller explains ADHD as being so good at hiding things that you only hide them from yourself, which is unfortunately relatable.
A freak recommends an uncensored AI chatbot for all your cursed conversational needs, while another asks Tim whether he prefers weed strains, only to get a firm endorsement of meth as a joke answer.
DJC checks in from the “Tesla of obesity,” furious at the idea that Mead might somehow get access to Ozempic first.
💰 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.

🎧 Episode Summary
Friday’s show kicks off with social media hysteria over a supposed 62 million-man rape academy, spirals into audio porn for tiny-penised sons, detours through a VR lesbian simulator, and somehow lands in Texas with a prostitution ring allegedly built for horny cops. Just a nice, normal end to the week.
🔥 Episode Highlights
62 million visits to a filthy porn site somehow get rebranded online as 62 million American men attending rape school, because no one can read and everyone wants the scariest version of the headline.
Tim imagines Rape Academy as a deranged 1980s sex-pest comedy, complete with hijinks, roofies, and a theme song that absolutely should not be as catchy as it is.
Goon Dad enters the scene with race-play, dad-domination, tiny penis encouragement, and enough whispered depravity to make everyone involved need therapy.
Lesbian Simulator arrives in virtual reality so straight people can apparently do homework about queer identity while earning carabiners in a stylized neon dyke universe.
Texas cops allegedly kept a private prostitution pipeline running for years, proving once again that some people will absolutely never arrest the guy paying for the service.
🎶 Opening Chaos
The show opens with an old-school panic reel about children drifting toward Satanism, complete with chanting, rock music, black magic, and the horrifying gateway drug known as meditation.
A little devil-woman cheese carries us into the program before Tim gets right to work tearing apart the internet’s latest reading-comprehension disaster.
🧠 Internet Panic & Rape Academy Math
People online lose their minds over claims that 62 million American men visited an online rape academy, when the actual article was talking about 62 million site visits to motherless.com, a much grosser but very different thing.
The real story involves creepy “sleep content”, user-uploaded porn, and online spaces where predators swap tips, not an actual diploma mill handing out rape certificates.
Tim’s bigger point, buried under all the screaming, is that mangling real reporting into social media sludge makes actual abuse harder to talk about without sounding like a complete idiot.
📺 Porn Goblins & Virtual Identity Homework
Goon Dad offers a premium catalog of audio filth for listeners who want racist domination fantasies, giant white-man worship, stinky father-son roleplay, and affirmations for “your perfect tiny little pee-pee.”
One particularly cursed clip features dad coaching his son through micropenis insecurity with a level of warmth that should probably trigger several investigations.
Lesbian Simulator gets the full side-eye as a Quest VR experience where players explore lesbian life, coming out, dating, and self-discovery in what sounds suspiciously like edutainment with flannel energy.
Tim remains unconvinced that straight men need a headset to figure out whether they like pussy, but appreciates the game’s commitment to turning identity into what feels a lot like social studies homework.
🗞️ Distorted News
Jada Pinkett Smith resurfaces to explain, once again, that publicly discussing her affair was somehow an act of love and protection toward Will Smith, who continues to suffer simply by being attached to this woman.
The latest confession conveniently coincides with more memoir promotion, because every emotional wound in that marriage apparently doubles as marketing copy.
In Godley, Texas, a husband-and-wife duo allegedly ran a long-term prostitution operation that catered to local police officers, because the easiest way to avoid getting busted is apparently to make the law your client base.
Ashley Ketcherside, who denied being involved despite prior prostitution convictions and rates allegedly reaching $1,000 an hour, is now facing racketeering charges alongside her husband.
The whole thing gets even filthier with burner phones, corruption probes, blackmail-worthy intel, and the realization that the city’s sex-education committee once had a former hooker helping shape the curriculum.
📞 Listener Interaction
DJC sends love for the April Fool’s musical episode and reminds everyone that Unicorn Hamster remains a disgrace for rage-quitting five minutes in.
A listener checks in with a school-name horror show: Q-U-R apostrophe R-I-S-M-A, which is somehow supposed to be pronounced Charisma.
Someone texts in a photo-related public service announcement about self-sucking, confirming that if you manage to blow yourself, the experience apparently feels more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked.
Sneezy Anus drops a space-sex fact, reminding everyone that in zero gravity, reverse cowgirl and doggy style are basically the same thing.
Fraud, waste, and abuse returns as a sex term, now with a proper explanation involving old women, wrecked pussy, and Medicare-adjacent disgust.
Unicorn Hamster checks in from the toilet to explain that his recent anger may be the result of a prolonged good pussy drought.
Solid gently advises Tim that it may once again be time to shave the pubes.
A Jewish listener confirms that all roads eventually lead back to gallbladders, while another caller dreams of a coked-up White House brawl featuring every adult presidential child in America.
💰 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.

🎧 Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show is a real grab bag of modern brain damage: autism as a gender identity, twin asexuals doing synchronized TikTok therapy, meowing airline pilots, a cop clinging to a moving flatbed like the world’s worst amusement park ride, and a pair of extra-rotten Distorted News stories to keep things nice and unholy.
🔥 Episode Highlights
Autigender has entered the chat: Tim tries to make sense of the claim that autism can shape gender so deeply it becomes its own identity, and is, let’s say, not exactly sold on the concept.
The asexual twins arrive in stereo: two sisters come out as ace and aromantic in perfect matching voices, prompting a whole derail into daddy issues, dry pussies, and whether asexuality is orientation, trauma response, or just a brutal lack of interest in everybody.
Pilot cat radio: a bizarre clip of commercial pilots allegedly meowing over a monitored frequency leads to questions about aviation professionalism and how common airborne kitty noises really are.
Milwaukee flatbed nightmare: body cam footage captures a cop hanging off the side of a moving truck, screaming threats, getting dragged through the street, and eventually shooting the driver after a completely recoculous chase.
🧠 New Identities, Same Old Nonsense
Autigender / autismgender: a TikTok lecture claims autism and gender are so intertwined that a separate label is needed. Tim responds with the obvious question, what the hell does that actually mean in practice?
Tumblr strikes again: the fact that autigender was coined in 2014 on Tumblr does not exactly help its credibility around here.
Gender binary, fidget spinner edition: one clip spirals into neurodivergence, social constructs, and why being shaped by life experience apparently now means inventing a whole new category for your crotch politics.
💔 No Sex, No Thanks
The asexual twins’ big reveal: a pair of identical sisters explain what it was like coming out as ace and aro, including confused relatives, a gay couple who told them they’d “get over it,” and an absentee dad barging back into the narrative like a trauma jump scare.
Dad likes to eat pussy: one of the more cursed side details in the episode, courtesy of a misunderstood text and far too much family oversharing.
Tim demands answers: if you’re asexual, apparently the voicemail line is now your chance to justify your existence and explain why your loins remain permanently closed for business.
✈️ Meow Meow Motherfucker
Pilots on guard frequency: a viral audio clip features airborne meowing, an irritated voice telling them to be professional, and a rabbit hole into whether this is fake, common, or just what happens when pilots get bored enough to become cats.
Regional jet shame: one of the meowers gets hit with an insult about still flying RJ, because even in the sky there’s apparently petty little hierarchy drama.
🚓 Body Cam Bedlam
Flatbed rodeo: police approach a parole violator, the truck takes off, and one officer decides the smart move is to cling to the passenger side while yelling increasingly panicked obscenities.
“Stop, motherfucker!” what begins as calm cop voice quickly devolves into roller-coaster terror as the officer gets dragged block after block with his gun shoved through the window.
Eventually, bullets: the truck finally stops, the driver gets shot, and everyone involved somehow manages to make an already disastrous situation worse.
🗞️ Distorted News
Michigan middle finger monument: a Detroit strip club owner erects a 12-foot bronze middle finger aimed at property connected to his ex-wife and her new guy, because healthy closure is for cowards.
Maine murder horror show: a man confesses at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that he beat, stabbed, dismembered, and burned his neighbor, then keeps volunteering more details like he’s workshopping the crime for true crime TikTok.
Magic mushrooms and backyard butchery: the suspect allegedly blames demons, psilocybin, and general insanity after turning a neighbor dispute into a chainsaw-and-fire-pit nightmare.
📞 Listener Interaction / Voicemails
KFC relapse report: Tim gets congratulated on his weight loss and then immediately tells a horrifying story about blowing his progress on a botched KFC order, eating everything anyway, and trying to reason his way through the aftermath.
Does the dick look bigger? apparently yes, now that the pubic puff has retreated and more of the equipment has been liberated.
Clorox calls for Mead: a bleach deity leaves a voicemail declaring itself Mead Skelton’s one true god and demanding worship in the most chemically romantic way possible.
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