Asexual Twins and Their Cunnilingus Crazed Father

🎧 Episode Summary

Wednesday’s show is a real grab bag of modern brain damage: autism as a gender identity, twin asexuals doing synchronized TikTok therapy, meowing airline pilots, a cop clinging to a moving flatbed like the world’s worst amusement park ride, and a pair of extra-rotten Distorted News stories to keep things nice and unholy.

🔥 Episode Highlights

• Autigender has entered the chat: Tim tries to make sense of the claim that autism can shape gender so deeply it becomes its own identity, and is, let’s say, not exactly sold on the concept.
• The asexual twins arrive in stereo: two sisters come out as ace and aromantic in perfect matching voices, prompting a whole derail into daddy issues, dry pussies, and whether asexuality is orientation, trauma response, or just a brutal lack of interest in everybody.
• Pilot cat radio: a bizarre clip of commercial pilots allegedly meowing over a monitored frequency leads to questions about aviation professionalism and how common airborne kitty noises really are.
• Milwaukee flatbed nightmare: body cam footage captures a cop hanging off the side of a moving truck, screaming threats, getting dragged through the street, and eventually shooting the driver after a completely recoculous chase.

🧠 New Identities, Same Old Nonsense

• Autigender / autismgender: a TikTok lecture claims autism and gender are so intertwined that a separate label is needed. Tim responds with the obvious question, what the hell does that actually mean in practice?
• Tumblr strikes again: the fact that autigender was coined in 2014 on Tumblr does not exactly help its credibility around here.
• Gender binary, fidget spinner edition: one clip spirals into neurodivergence, social constructs, and why being shaped by life experience apparently now means inventing a whole new category for your crotch politics.

💔 No Sex, No Thanks

• The asexual twins’ big reveal: a pair of identical sisters explain what it was like coming out as ace and aro, including confused relatives, a gay couple who told them they’d “get over it,” and an absentee dad barging back into the narrative like a trauma jump scare.
• Dad likes to eat pussy: one of the more cursed side details in the episode, courtesy of a misunderstood text and far too much family oversharing.
• Tim demands answers: if you’re asexual, apparently the voicemail line is now your chance to justify your existence and explain why your loins remain permanently closed for business.

✈️ Meow Meow Motherfucker

• Pilots on guard frequency: a viral audio clip features airborne meowing, an irritated voice telling them to be professional, and a rabbit hole into whether this is fake, common, or just what happens when pilots get bored enough to become cats.
• Regional jet shame: one of the meowers gets hit with an insult about still flying RJ, because even in the sky there’s apparently petty little hierarchy drama.

🚓 Body Cam Bedlam

• Flatbed rodeo: police approach a parole violator, the truck takes off, and one officer decides the smart move is to cling to the passenger side while yelling increasingly panicked obscenities.
• “Stop, motherfucker!” what begins as calm cop voice quickly devolves into roller-coaster terror as the officer gets dragged block after block with his gun shoved through the window.
• Eventually, bullets: the truck finally stops, the driver gets shot, and everyone involved somehow manages to make an already disastrous situation worse.

🗞️ Distorted News

• Michigan middle finger monument: a Detroit strip club owner erects a 12-foot bronze middle finger aimed at property connected to his ex-wife and her new guy, because healthy closure is for cowards.
• Maine murder horror show: a man confesses at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that he beat, stabbed, dismembered, and burned his neighbor, then keeps volunteering more details like he’s workshopping the crime for true crime TikTok.
• Magic mushrooms and backyard butchery: the suspect allegedly blames demons, psilocybin, and general insanity after turning a neighbor dispute into a chainsaw-and-fire-pit nightmare.

📞 Listener Interaction / Voicemails

• KFC relapse report: Tim gets congratulated on his weight loss and then immediately tells a horrifying story about blowing his progress on a botched KFC order, eating everything anyway, and trying to reason his way through the aftermath.
• Does the dick look bigger? apparently yes, now that the pubic puff has retreated and more of the equipment has been liberated.
• Clorox calls for Mead: a bleach deity leaves a voicemail declaring itself Mead Skelton’s one true god and demanding worship in the most chemically romantic way possible.

💰 Support the Show

Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.