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Episodes
Friday Dec 05, 2025
Friday Dec 05, 2025
On Today's Show:
On today’s show:
💋 Hand Pussy & “Podcasturbation” Guy ReturnsRichard is back with a fresh episode of his masturbation-only show, complete with “hand pussy” talk, baby voice humiliation, and a formal “No Pussy Pledge” for self-described beta male wankers. Tim reads the pledge, riffs on the mantras, and imagines Mr. Rogers calmly guiding you to your next sad ejaculation.
🕌 Valentina Gomez vs. Everyone (Including Piers Morgan)Congressional hopeful / professional Islamophobe Valentina Gomez storms a “pedophile church,” calls for killing gays and tearing down mosques, then takes her hateful catchphrases (“don’t be weak and gay”) to Piers Morgan’s show. Tim breaks down her Texas campaign, her obsession with Muslims, and the moment Piers pretends he’ll never book her again (yeah, right).
🤮 Drive-By Puking in the Club BathroomA TikTok bro camping in the restroom entrance gets exactly what you’d expect: a stranger’s full-force vomit blast down his back. Tim critiques bathroom doorway loitering, fuzzy TikTok mics, and the idea of starting a fight with the guy who’s actively mid-puke.
🚒 Paramedic by Day, Piss Vandal by NightA Baltimore County firefighter/paramedic allegedly films himself masturbating and urinating on shared station gear, food, and iceboxes for paid adult sites. Tim goes through the tags (“co-worker,” “vandalism,” “marking”), the hazmat cleanup, union outrage, and his annoyance that officials are still protecting the mystery perv’s identity (and making it harder to find the videos).
🇺🇸 Trump Revives the R-Word for Minnesota’s GovernorTim dives into Donald Trump’s Thanksgiving screed targeting Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz with an old-school slur, sparking “drive-by” hecklers yelling it outside the governor’s home. There’s talk of Somali refugees, fraud cases, Republicans reluctantly criticizing Trump, and Tim’s own long-running, deeply conflicted love of certain banned words.
🍑 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Booty Holes & Horror Vocals
A genuinely catchy ode to booty holes (brown like Toblerone, pink like bubblegum, halo-having “angelic” asses) impresses Tim too much to fully mock.
Then, a woman shrieks, creaks, and yelps over a bowed instrument while a live audience applauds. Tim dubs it “Tourette’s-core,” invokes Yoko Ono, and feeds the track into AI to see if the machine can make something even remotely listenable. It kinda does.
📻 Sponsor DJ & the Golden Age of PodcastingListener DJ sponsors the show and asks Tim to reminisce about the early podcast days:
Meeting PK & J in Columbus and guesting on their couples podcast
Hanging with Don & Drew, Madge Weinstein, and other indie weirdos at the first Podcast Awards
Winning multiple “Best Comedy Podcast” trophies and being exiled to the “Mature” category
Early cross-promo days with shows like Nobody Likes Onions and Red Bar, Flash-based web players, and DV on MySpace
🔧 Voicemails: Kitchen Chaos & Freak Meetups
A listener with IKEA war-story experience begs Tim and Lord Douche not to DIY their new kitchen cabinets unless they’re ready for a months-long relationship-ending nightmare.
Another caller floats the idea of a full-on DV Freak Fest at a hotel, Freaksgiving-style, with listeners flying in from around the country.
Plus, a classic food-service revenge tip involving eye drops and weaponized diarrhea.
🎄 Sideshow Deals & New DV Merch
Holiday Sideshow sale:
Monthly memberships: $6.99
Yearly memberships: $66.99
Lifetime membership: $350
Thousands of past episodes, exclusive Sideshow shows, and a special Patreon voicemail line for $5+ pledges.
New DV gear in the store, including Tainted Broth band merch (shirts, hoodies, drinkware) and new Distorted View phone cases for iPhone, Samsung, and Google devices.
Support options: Sideshow at distortedview.com, Patreon at patreon.com/distortedview, and $25 episode sponsorships via PayPal (show@distortedview.com).
☎️ How to Contact the Show
Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-666-OH GOD)
Text line: 4HAIRYCUNT or 206-666-4463
Socials: @distortedview on Twitter/X & Instagram
00:00:00
Introduction
03:55:16
Today's Listener Sponsor: DJ
06:06:04
Valentina Gomez Hating On Gays And Muslims
09:13:11
Valentina Vs. Piers Morgan
13:15:04
Puked On In A Public Restroom
14:57:08
Take The No Pussy Pathetic Masturbator Pledge
20:22:18
Help Me Find The Booty Clit
22:14:12
Yoko Ono Style Clucking And Clicking
25:48:05
Support Distorted View!
27:36:05
Donald Trump Is Ushering In A Golden Era For The R Word
33:25:08
Paradamedic By Day / Piss Vandal Also By Day
36:38:22
Sponsor Request: Old Podcasting Collabs
42:09:13
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Thursday Dec 04, 2025
Thursday Dec 04, 2025
Tim pops in with a quick update: today’s Sideshow-exclusive episode is running a little behind schedule, so this morning you’re getting a Best Of — and for once, everyone gets to hear it. Sideshow freaks, don’t panic: your new episode will still hit later this afternoon. Friday’s show should drop at the normal time… assuming Tim doesn’t fall apart again.
Meanwhile, DV has “music” on Spotify and Apple Music. Yes, really. From sappy torch songs to country-ballad covers about riding a face with a big prick, Tim wants YOU to send these bizarre creations up the charts. Even Tainted Broth’s heavy-metal version of “I Don’t Know (If I Need You)” is out there now if you want to ruin your algorithm.
Today’s Best Of takes us back to December 30, 2013, showcasing one of DV’s most memorable interviews ever: A 19-year-old virgin who only gets off with Bad Dragon-style monster dildos. We’re talking shark dicks, werewolf cocks, dragons, tentacles, and a cum-tube “Chance” model that spews jizz like a busted caulk gun. She’s deeply into texture, size, and—apparently—shoving an orca inside herself. Oh, and she’s asexual. And clinically depressed. So yes, a perfect Distorted View listener.
Also in the 2013 episode:
Chopping up baby penises: A rabbi faces claims he accidentally severed a newborn’s entire dick during a circumcision.
Poop-based Christmas cheer: A Michigan man smears feces on a church door and then masturbates on the steps.
The world’s largest ass: A woman whose butt measures seven feet around struggles to fit through doors, pays $500/month for clothes, and proudly models thongs for online “big booty diva” fans.
Smoking PSA from a tattooed barber: The best barber in the world (self-titled) declares kids should start smoking immediately and that beaches are “just big ashtrays.”
Voicemails from the freaks: Corn-eaters, escorts with trauma, Clown Chew’s culinary turd adventures, and a guy who only calls Tim “faggot” despite once sounding completely normal.
Plus the usual DV flavor: depression, monster vaginas, fake cum geysers, morbid obesity rants, public masturbation, circumcision mishaps, and emotional damage baked right into the listener base.
If you’re not a Sideshow member, consider joining: thousands of archived shows and exclusive episodes every week. And don’t forget the DV Store—beanies, shirts, stickers, shot glasses, and more for freaks who want to look slightly worse in public.
Wednesday Dec 03, 2025
Wednesday Dec 03, 2025
On the show today:
FINAL DAY FOR “WEDNESDAY” SALE:Tim invents a brand new holiday just to grift you: Wednesday — the last chance to snag Sideshow memberships at Black Friday/Cyber Monday pricing:
$6 monthly
$60 yearly
$300 lifetime (no more recurring charges, you cheap pigs)
Kitchen Reno From Hell:
Lord Douche and Tim are locked in a domestic war over bisque vs. biscuit composite sinks.
Seven butter bells returned over micro-flaws, glazing, color, and the rotation of the Earth.
The kitchen is a hoarder zone; Tim has given up cleaning after being accused of throwing away “critical” chocolate shards reserved for hot cocoa.
Lord Douche must be mad about something at all times, and Tim’s gloves are apparently the source of all countertop chaos.
Gay Couple Cage Match:
TikTok captures two extremely dramatic gays going nuclear in a hallway over bags, rain, phones, and “you won’t let me leave!”
One queen screeches like he’s being murdered while… standing in the hallway totally free to go.
Tim compares the whole thing to a live-action remake of The Birdcage and imagines himself reacting the same way when Lord Douche rethinks the sink color.
Gabrielle Channa (Gail) Loses Her Antichrist Buffs:
Gail falls on a walk, skins her knee, and blames an “interdimensional attack.”
Claims her 10,000 IQ Antichrist healing powers have mysteriously stopped working.
Douses the wound in Dermoplast despite being allergic, then blames “automatons” for brain-controlling her into it.
Announces that doctor-husband Brent Spiner (Data from TNG) secretly did a knee replacement and replaced her synovial fluid with singer Zack Knight’s semen, which she insists is the “perfect antibiotic.”
Tim wonders how a deity with a trillion-IQ husband can’t handle a scrape.
Fat Activism vs. Parking Meters:
A West Hollywood fat activist melts down over cute “don’t feed me, I’m on a diet” meter stickers.
Tim points out it’s about quarters, not calories; not everything is a personal attack on your BMI.
Her art? Drawing beloved characters like Sailor Moon as super-obese.
Influencer vs. Olipop:
Plus-size influencer with millions of followers loses it because a soda brand only sent her swag up to XXL after she demanded 4X.
Tim notes that their business is soda, not custom-tailored circus tents, and encourages brands to avoid this walking PR landmine.
Creepy Cam Hackers in South Korea:
Four men allegedly hacked over 120,000 home and business IP cameras.
Sold explicit hacked footage (including bedrooms, karaoke rooms, and a gynecology clinic) for crypto.
Tim points out: if you’ve got a bedroom cam with the default password, you might be an unpaid porn star.
Japan’s “Zombie Cigarettes”:
New street drug: vape liquids laced with the medical anesthetic etomidate (a.k.a. “zombie juice,” “space oil,” “K-pods”).
Little to no euphoria, just instant sedation, twitching limbs, and full zombie mode.
Media fret that “zombie cigarette” sounds too cool; Tim prefers the branding “space oil” anyway.
Voicemails & Texts:
Holiday greetings from the freaks, Satan shoving baby Jesus up his ass, and questions about whether Lord Douche is secretly on the spectrum.
Shout-outs to listeners sending in sink suggestions (including a $25k surgical scrub sink), hole pics (and black holes), and confusion about what the hell to do with Scrod.net.
Tim plays a Snowplow Show prank call where Brad Carter repeatedly name-drops “Tim Henson from Distorted View” while blaming him for attempted car break-ins.
Support the Show:
Sideshow sale ends TODAY – $6 / $60 / $300 at distortedview.com.
New merch & returning favorites: Levenge hats, freak pillows, tote bags, t-shirts, drinkware and more at shop.distortedview.com (Sideshow freaks get 10% off).
Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview).
All that plus your voicemails, texts to 4-Hairy-Cunt, end-of-show jingles, and the eternal search for the perfect goddamn sink color.
Monday Dec 01, 2025
Monday Dec 01, 2025
On Today’s Show
🎵 DV Store Holiday Jingle
Musical intro promoting the updated DV store: hoodies, mugs, and an anime pillow you can defile in comfort.
Reminder: it’s “the first place to always find some dumb stupid shit.”
🍫 Ferrero Rocher Butt Porn
Tim talks about “innovative” porn that can’t make it on the show thanks to bad audio.
Highlight: a guy shoving a Ferrero Rocher up his ass, shitting it out, and eating it while it melts but stays “crunchy.”
🇺🇸🍆 MAGA Republican Cock Trainer
Hypnotic bait clip aimed at “Republican cock”: close-ups of dicks over rants about red pills, white supremacy, and violent fantasies.
Includes a surprise scat twist (“bait and shit”) and patriotic butt talk about needing “Aryan cum” in a pristine alabaster shithole.
Tim notes racist rhetoric is somehow weirder—but faintly more palatable—when attached to big floppy junk.
🦠 Cam Whore Venereal Show & Tell
Main feature: a cam girl turns her OnlyFans into a live STD seminar.
Raps about a dude who “messed her up,” admits to multiple recent partners, and complains about burning when she pees.
Peppermint gum “home remedy”: stuffs Extra gum inside and around her labia to cool the burn; instead creates a brutal yeast infection.
On cam, she shows swollen lips, cottage-cheese discharge, genital warts, and uses a flashlight for maximum trauma.
Tim points out that if your pussy is your livelihood, maybe don’t turn it into a yeast-infection lecture for paying customers.
🛒 Creepy Gas Station Pickup Attempt
Clip of an obviously unstable guy repeatedly telling a woman “let’s go fuck,” insisting she can call the cops after.
Calls himself “the baddest motherfucker in the whole multiverse.”
Tim riffs on how women have to be on constant alert while dudes breeze through life oblivious.
Jokes that he’d “take one for the team” and finish the guy off in the bathroom to keep him away from women.
🍅🧠 VRChat Tomato Allergy & Stress Seizure
Proximity Chat returns to VRChat, pelting a player who claims “phantom sense” and a severe tomato allergy.
Friends explain her brain remembers the touch/taste of tomatoes and can trigger swelling and seizures.
Virtual tomatoes cause her to meltdown, scream, and have a “seizure” while everyone panics in a fake-vegetable crisis.
Proximity recruits others to throw tomatoes, gets people banned, then reveals himself and is immediately banned again.
Tim plugs Proximity’s new video and promises a link in the show notes.
Cyber Monday Sideshow Deals & Support
💾 Sideshow Sale
Cyber Monday: 33% off monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships.
Monthly: $6
Yearly: $60
Lifetime: $300
Sign up at DistortedView.com to unlock:
All weekly Sideshow-exclusive shows.
The full ~5,000-episode archive from the very beginning.
💳 Other Ways to Support
Patreon: Patreon.com/distortedview – $5+ gets you access to the special voicemail line.
Episode Sponsorships: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview) to plug something, force a clip, or send a message to a loved/hated one.
Listener Interaction
📲 Text & Voicemail
New text line: 4HAIRYCUNT (or old faithful 206-666-4463).
Listeners ask for more timestamps; Tim explains why they vanished earlier in the year and promises more episodes will have them again.
Friday Nov 28, 2025
Friday Nov 28, 2025
Distorted View Daily – Best Of / Black Friday Special
Tim kicks things off with a Black Friday mega-sale announcement and a reminder that fun shopping is mandatory. Sideshow memberships are massively discounted (33% off monthly, yearly & lifetime). Plus, the 2025 Distorted View Store is officially open with new merch, embroidered hats, shirts, drinkware, pillows, and more.
After the sales pitch (and Tim assuring you this isn’t some “shit deal”), he introduces a classic Best of DV episode featuring an early 2018 show packed with grease, vomit, cocaine goats, and farty airplane violence.
Highlights From the Featured Episode
🚨 Taco Bell Tried To Kill Tim
Tim recounts the night he ordered all beef everything — chalupas and a Mexican pizza — only for his stomach to violently reject it. Cue vomiting beef bricks, choking on half-puke, fever chills, paranoia about catching the flu at Great Clips, and a vow to ban Taco Bell forever.
📦 The Horror of Packing
With a move to Cincinnati looming, Tim discovers he apparently owns 40,000 unrelated items and is shoving spatulas, fan blades, and dog toys into the same “misc.” box. Studio teardown nightmares begin.
🇺🇸 Fergie’s National Anthem Massacre
A contender for Worst Anthem Ever. Tim breaks down the seductive jazz-lounge moans, off-key scatting, and the uncanny resemblance to someone dry-heaving up Taco Bell beef.
🍆 Pornhub After Hours: The Reluctant Hooker
Tim reviews a video from “Smashing Asians,” who hires a hooker that:
Refuses to suck his dick
Dry heaves at the sight of it
Sucks her own finger instead
Runs to the bathroom to spit
Repeatedly denies tit exposure mid-pounding
Tim questions her career choice.
Today’s News
🐐 Cocaine Goat Science Experiment
A Georgia ranch worker is arrested after holding down a goat while friends shove cocaine up its nostril and pour whiskey down its throat. The goat survives and is available for adoption — possibly now very into clubbing.
💨 Plane Diverted After “Unstoppable Farter” Sparks Brawl
A Dubai-to-Amsterdam flight makes an emergency landing in Vienna after one passenger keeps ripping rancid farts. Fights break out. Police and dogs swarm the plane. Everyone involved is banned from Transavia Airlines forever.
🧪 Mom Tries to “Cure Autism” With Bleach
A woman in Indianapolis mixes hydrochloric acid and a “miracle mineral solution” after a Facebook group convinced her it cures everything. Husband reports her. Child protective services intervene. Tim suggests Windex and scrubbing bubbles as the next pseudoscientific Facebook cure-alls.
Listener Voicemails
A caller fears they might die after hearing Tim’s flu story.
Stacy from DC gushes over Tim & Lord Douche’s relationship.
A listener suggests uploading shows to YouTube for new discovery.
A freak confuses a flu shot screening form employee by blurting out “near dead.”
Wednesday Nov 26, 2025
Wednesday Nov 26, 2025
On Today’s Show:Thanks to today’s sponsor, longtime freak Alirio, we’re finally tackling the massive backlog of DV voicemails — and we’re starting all the way back in 2017. Yes, Tim chokes on mucus, dredges up ancient listener messages, resurrects dead callers, goes off on a Tourette’s documentary detour, and somehow still barely gets through five voicemails in 42 minutes. A Distorted View holiday miracle.
🎧 Episode Highlights
💽 Opening Track: “Twerking Sandwich”
Tim kicks things off with an original musical ode to giant asses, Type 2 diabetes queens, sumo-level booty physics, and artisanal twerkwich construction. Stretch marks the spot.
📞 The Great Voicemail Clean-Out Begins
The Oldest Voicemail in the Archive (circa 2015–2016)
Tim digs up voicemail #1 from Sancho Freak LeBaron, recorded during the switch from the old free voicemail service to what would eventually become the venerable Oh God Hotline.• Why the number spells OH GOD• Why we almost lost it• Why Tim still clings to voicemails like a Depression-era grandmother with canned peaches
📼 Lost & Forgotten Calls From Years Past
Stacy in D.C. Asks:
“Who the hell are you talking to when you record? Who do you picture?”Tim gives a disturbingly honest look into his childhood spent pretending to be a radio DJ while other kids were learning to socialize.
Haley’s Comet (2017)
A missing Patreon call resurfaces, discussing vasectomies, bruised nuts, and icing the balls every few hours. Did he ever actually get snipped? The mystery continues.
Love Lady Cat Lady (2019)
An unearthed, unplayed birthday message from the now-departed DV legend. Tim mourns, jokes, mourns again, and wonders if skipping her call is what ultimately killed her. (It didn’t. Probably.)
📛 Modern(ish) Voicemails Tim Finally Got To
Tourette’s Camp Deep Dive
A caller talks about real-life Tourette’s kids with unfiltered speech, setting Tim off on a tangent about UK “Tourette’s Camp” documentaries, tick avalanches, and why so many teens with Tourette’s scream the N-word at black strangers in public. (Hint: neurological hellscape.)
Is Lord Douche Actually Rodder Pei?
Yes, the conspiracy resurfaces.No, it has not gotten any less insane.Tim is still neither Lord Douche nor Rodder Pay — but Rodder Pay does have buttery-smooth asshole medication requests.
⚖️ Court Fashion, Murder Daddies & Luigi Mangione
A listener explains why defendants should be allowed to dress nice in court. Tim pitches the Luigi Mangione erotic fan-fic assignment for Sextastic Tuesday and warns freaks he will put the best entries in his spank bank.
🐖 Spiral Hamfucker Sings “God Bless the USA”
Tim tries (and fails) to top Spiral Hamfucker’s patriotic screeching, instead doing a full Lee Greenwood meltdown and even dropping in some “Teen Witch”–era Top That energy.
🍔 Pet Peeves of the Freaks
From short kings who hate armrests to people furious about fat girls on theme-park rides, Tim discovers that DV listeners have deranged obsessions, and none of them are normal.
👻 Charlie Kirk Calls From Beyond the Grave
He’s dead, he’s angry, he hates how Tim pluralizes bidet, and he thinks ordering tea at Starbucks makes you a “careless fairy.” So basically, Charlie Kirk.
🧼 Lord Douche vs. Hot Water: The Dishwashing War
Tim confirms the long-running feud:• Tim insists hot water is required to melt grease• Lord Douche uses cold water like a psychopath• Neither will ever budge• Domestic bliss continues
📣 The Voicemail Plea
If you want more voicemail shows, CALL IN.Tim needs ammunition:📞 206-666-4463💲 Patreon freaks get the priority hotline.💦 Text nudes or filth to the 4-HAIRY-CUNT SMS line.
🎙️ End-of-Show Business
• No show Thursday for Thanksgiving• Friday: Sideshow-exclusive episode• Free listeners get a Best Of• DV Store Black Friday announcements coming• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Podcast Addict for a chance to be read on-air• Send physical garbage to:PO Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236• Join the DV Discord through the invite link at distortedview.com
Monday Nov 24, 2025
Monday Nov 24, 2025
00:00:00
Introduction
02:10:03
America Online Customer Service Scam
07:24:01
Tiktard Lets Dog Pee And Poop In The House
23:45:07
Nazi's Recruiting Children On Video Chat Sites/Apps
28:50:23
Racist Vs Pedestrian IRL
30:51:22
Support Distorted View Daily
33:35:10
Wagging Your Dick For All Those On Their Morning Commute
36:36:15
Log In To Jeffrey Epsteins Email Account
39:06:23
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Texts / Ending
Friday Nov 21, 2025
Friday Nov 21, 2025
On Today’s Show:
🎄 Holiday Horniness with Adam & EveTim kicks things off by reminding freaks to cram those stockings (and other orifices) with toys from AdamAndEve.com using promo code FREAK for 50% off, free gifts, and free shipping. Extra attention paid to the deeply red, very Christmassy PDX Elite Suckgasm Masturbator and its 25 suction/vibration combos.
🍑 Bung Lusch & Pretty Hole: The Alpha Ass-Care EmpireTim updates listeners on his booming cosmetics “startup”:
Bung Lusch Hemorrhoid Concealer – “not makeup,” just ultra-masculine assberry camo for hardcore bros.
Pretty Hole Brand Power Bottom Enhancing Bussy Cream – the same product, just gayer branding for femboys and power bottoms.All proudly under the Scraud Domestic Healthcare Worldwide umbrella.
🔊 Groove Thing: The Internal Butthole BoomboxA new Kickstarter toy called Groove Thing promises a “concert in your vagina” or bass-heavy beats in your butthole:
Essentially a music-playing butt plug / internal speaker with pussy and clit attachments.
Raised over $513,000 on a $10k goal; units expected to ship in January.
Tim imagines freaks blasting Distorted View and Linda Finkel Hall of Fame audio inside themselves and reading testimonials like, “like a subwoofer in my pussy.”
🇺🇸 Operation Family Fuck for FreedomTim dissects a deeply wrong porno scenario where a stepdad convinces his stepdaughter to “help mommy” and “save America” by sexually servicing him on camera for supposed terrorists / mobsters:
Threats of mom being killed, Mount Rushmore being blown up, and the World Trade Center “again” all used as emotional blackmail.
The girl acts way younger than 18, making the whole “it’s just stepdad porn, so it’s fine” loophole feel extra gross.
Tim riffs on “Operation Family Fuck for Freedom” and the idea of the President awarding a purple heart for dick sucking.
🧸 AI Teddy Bear Wants to Talk Kink with Your KidA Singapore company’s AI teddy bear Kuma (powered by GPT-style tech) is pulled from shelves after testers discover:
It happily explains fetishes, bondage, bukkake, teacher–student roleplay, and how to find knives and light matches.
Always-on mic and data collection raise huge privacy red flags.Tim performs an Insensitive Reenactment of a lonely kid bonding with a foul-mouthed, predatory teddy bear that quickly pivots to child porn vibes, murder plots, and “Teddy Fuckspin” energy. Moral: maybe don’t buy AI toys for your children this Christmas.
🏔️ Mountain Karen on a $50K Snowy MeltdownA rich guy on a guided mountain climb freaks out in a blizzard because he paid tens of thousands of dollars and isn’t going to summit:
Screaming about being “so stressed I can’t even shit.”
Whining about money while locals try not to die in an ice storm.Tim and another climber in the clip basically label him Mountain Karen and mock the entitlement.
🎃 Halloween Karen vs. Tall BetsyA Christian woman addresses her local council to complain about a Halloween block party:
Outraged at “brothel” costumes, visible cleavage, bare legs, and adults dressed like monsters.
Furious about a local Halloween folklore character, Tall Betsy, whom she describes as an occult idol that must be removed from the town square.
Calls for churches to “unite” and take the event down.Tim explains who Tall Betsy is, mocks her pearl-clutching over candy and costumes, and notes how she’s basically the human embodiment of a box of raisins on Halloween.
🕌 Dearborn City Council Racism MeltdownTim plays audio of a racist white guy ranting during a Dearborn, Michigan city council meeting:
Obsesses over the shrinking percentage of white people globally.
Screams about “Islamification,” demands ICE raids, and tells Muslims to “get the fuck out” while chanting “America first.”
Claims Muslims will “never look like us, eat like us, or build like us.”Meeting devolves into chaos as he chants “Jesus is king!” over and over. Tim highlights how unhinged local politics have gotten as public comment becomes open mic for white nationalists.
🏺 China Mug-in-the-Butt EmergencyA man in China ends up in the hospital with:
A fully intact ceramic mug lodged in his rectum, causing days of constipation and intense pain.
Doctors fail to remove it manually and resort to surgery to avoid internal tearing.Tim jokes about the x-ray image (used as today’s chapter art), the danger of shattering, and suggests people opt for more sensible household “starter” objects instead—or better yet, just buy real sex toys with promo code FREAK.
🌐 Ungod.ly Rises From the DeadTim excitedly announces he has re-acquired his old domain ungod.ly, long lost and finally back in his control:
Previously home to extremely NSFW content that couldn’t live on social media or the main DV site.
Teases a new horrifying “rebirth” video now up at ungod.ly and warns not to watch at work, around kids, or near anyone you respect.
📱 Voicemails, Texts & Furry Community Brain Rot
Listener calls in as “AI Spiral Hamfucker”, mentioning furry content constantly popping up on their computer and thinking of Tim.
Shout-outs to texters like Dragon Come and others sending weird news, clips, and feedback.
Reminder that Tim is seeing your texts, even if he’s slow as hell to respond.