thdv12232

Friday the 13th: Curse of the Flesh Eating Jizz

🧟‍♂️ It's Friday the 13th...and something sticky this way comes.
In today's jam-packed episode of DV:
🔹 Flesh-Eating Semen: Tim reviews a very real, very ridiculous Friday the 13th porn parody featuring lethal loads and camp counselors with poor decision-making skills.🔹 Drunk Live Stream Meltdowns: - Facebook boutique owner Lisa gets blackout wasted and screams at Alexa to play “Pop That Pussy.” - Ex-legal YouTuber Nick Ricada delivers a whiskey-soaked, coke-tweaked rant about cancer, anime, and why he can’t end his own stream.🔹 TikTok Tears & Bans: Influencer Natalie Reynolds storms TikTok HQ after her account gets nuked. Spoiler alert: She's the villain.🔹 Pride Month vs. Military May: Tim proposes a compromise that includes celebrating both gay sex and the troops—just not at the same time. Also: introducing the “Red Scare” for military women.🔹 C. Wilder's Gayest Military Ballad: A country anthem so flamboyant it triggered a Navy veteran’s existential crisis.🔹 Florida Man Alert: A Saudi tourist calls 911 to complain he didn’t get sex at a strip club. America: still confusing foreigners since 1776.
📞 Plus: Listener voicemails, roof color conspiracies, anime conventions in Columbus, and Tim’s bad restaurant suggestions!
💎 Sideshow Freaks — Support DV and get even more insanity:➡️ Sign up at DistortedView.com🎧 Bonus segments, exclusive full-length shows, and a custom voicemail line await!

The Youthful Glow And Smooth Skin Of A Virgin Incel

✨ Today on the Show:
🕊️ Tongues and Tiaras: Religious zealots let their tongues wag for Jesus, and Tim breaks down just how unbiblical their babble really is (with scripture receipts).
📺 Pride Month Throwback: Re-exploring the glory of Trading Spouses' infamous God Warrior meltdown. Dork-sided? More like icon-status.
👓 Pastor or Power Lesbian?: An aggressive holy roller channels both divine prophecy and vintage Ellen Degeneres vibes.
🧠 TikTok Takes Another Life: A 19-year-old’s tragic death from the “dusting” challenge proves viral fame still ain’t worth brain death.
🧴 Real ID or Real Dumb?: Some morons are trying to fly with Costco cards because they saw a star on them. TSA isn't amused.
🎙️ Mead Skelton’s Secret to Youth: Mead blames his baby face on virginity. Also: he might actually be gay, hates Harriet Tubman, and still lives with his dad. So, you know, thriving.
🏳️‍🌈 Pride Month DV Style:
Terrible gay/lesbian artists
Pastors melting down
Neo-pronoun panic
Spiritual warfare cosplay
Bible-quoting and bullshit calling
🧃 Bonus Rants:
Tim reflects on his willingness to give the government his soul if it means avoiding long DMV lines.
PSA: Being a Kroger Rewards member will NOT get you through airport security.
The Real ID is real now… probably. Maybe. Tim still doesn’t really get it.
☎️ Listener Voicemails:
📞 Unicorn Hamster sets polyamory ground rules (no fit guys, no Black dudes, only T-shirts and comrags).
📞 Listeners critique Tim’s 2-foot hot dog binge and debate the value of a Lifetime membership.
📞 Tim pleads for voicemails so he can pad out episodes and be lazy with pride.
🎧 Sideshow Plug:Want more bonus episodes, mini-shows, and virgin warrior mockery? Go to distortedview.com and sign up for the Sideshow! Cheap as hell, and way more satisfying than chroming.
📬 Email: show@distortedview.com📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463👾 Discord + Socials: @distortedview everywhere

Bubbles Go Up, You Stupid Fuck!

 
💥 On Today’s Insanity-Fueled Episode:
🐝 Bees Are Out for Blood! Tim recounts yet another nature attack, this time a bee ambush during his “old lady walk.”
🌎 Flat Earth Fails: A delusional debate turns hostile when one bubble-loving dumbass can’t comprehend gravity, weight, or why balls fall down.
🎢 Bouncy Castle Carnage: A South African school fundraiser takes a terrifying turn when high winds launch an inflatable full of kids into the sky.
🤯 TikTok Therapy Dropout: An insufferable content creator confronts her therapist about his political views, then rage-quits treatment when he won’t reveal his vote.
💰 DoorDash Driver Demands a Tip – at Gunpoint: A pissed-off delivery dude returns to a customer’s house the next day… packing heat instead of tacos.
🧠 Tim’s 2025 Breakdown Begins: Between cancer diagnoses, economic trauma, and bee vendettas, Tim wonders why this year insists on raw-dogging him emotionally.
🍛 The Great Indian Buffet Debate: Lord Douche and Tim reminisce about a time when lunch didn’t cost $40 and you could stink like curry guilt-free.
📺 TLC’s The Pauly Family Update: Group parenting, DNA-fueled drama, and dumb dudes crying over baby blood types.

Nickelodeon-Style Teen Toe Trafficking

Today on the program:🔹 Nickelodeon creator Dan Schneider accused of turning children’s TV into a foot fetish dungeon 👣📺🔹 A man in NYC gets into a screaming match with a pantsless mannequin on the subway 🗽🧍‍♀️🗣️🔹 Elderly couple calls 911 on a Roomba—because robot shadows are terrifying 🤖🚽🚔🔹 Church youth group gets disturbingly interactive with a “crucifixion” pastor 🩸✝️🔪🔹 TJ Maxx identifies a customer as “Dick Lover” on her receipt and she sues 🧾🍆👩‍⚖️🔹 Breaking science: Men with beards may be gross and infertile 💩🧔🧬🔹 Voicemail fun: Rapex condoms, postal service beef, and Jonathan Nyhouse tribute raps 📨🎶🐶
💥 PLUS: Lobster Fest logistics, African lotto scams, remote control burglaries, and a lovely voicemail from a woman who might be masturbating while explaining anti-rape devices.

Jizz Jockey Crowned “Nut King” At The World’s First Sperm Derby

On Today's Show
00:00:00
Final Days For Sideshow Membership Deals!
00:51:12
Introduction
02:02:18
I'm Taylor Swifting My Worst Shows
06:26:02
The Eating Dog Shit Challenge Livestream Craptacular
12:15:22
The Cat Shit Mukbang Livestream
18:43:12
Footage From The Wold's First Sperm Race
22:06:15
Accidentally Barred From Entering Your Mom's House
27:29:09
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
29:27:05
Historical Condom On Display
34:33:21
The War On Truck Nuts Has Begun
38:51:21
Python Attached To The Tip Of A Penis
42:38:20
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Child Predator Has A Diaper Blowout During Arrest

On Today's Show:Prepare your senses for an unholy sensory overload, because Timmy Boo is back with another clusterfuck of depravity and poorly repressed rage:
🗳️ A real-life student named Tuna Kunt runs for office... and WINS. Take that, Robert Faggot.
💩 A diaper fetishist gets caught trying to meet a child and proceeds to soil himself—live on cam for the world to smell.
🦶 In Modesto, a man breaks into a woman’s house just to lick and nibble her toes while she sleeps. Sweet dreams, foot freaks.
⚰️ A 61-year-old Florida woman is busted for graverobbing teddy bears and redecorating her yard with stolen grave goods.
✝️ A 72-year-old Alabama pastor pistol-whips a man during a robbery over sidewalk etiquette. Nothing like a little Holy Assault.
👧 Plus: A teenage girl’s hotel stay is interrupted by an old man who drunkenly claims squatters’ rights in her room.
🎤 Special bonus: A cringe-tastic Anne Frank rap by Lexi that must be heard to be regretted.
Also in this episode:
🚔 Predator poacher gold, courtesy of a shitty-diapered manbaby getting arrested.
🧠 Gina Fournier returns! Still insane. Still convinced CBC Radio is hacking her brain with a music carousel.
🧾 A man obsessed with ID checks harasses cashiers at a convenience store for not verifying his 50-year-old face.
🥾 Listener voicemails, Ponderosa dreams, and anime Lord Douche.
🌟 Sideshow Deals This Week Only!👉 Monthly = $7.50👉 Yearly = $80Support DV and get exclusive episodes, bonus segments, and access to Discord.Sign up at DistortedView.com
🎧 Subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite app💸 Support the show on Patreon to see Lord Douche in Miyazaki anime form!
 
00:00:00
Sideshow Membership Deals This Week Only! Sign Up Now!
01:09:04
Introduction
03:15:03
The Legend Of Tuna Kunt
08:05:07
Predator Catch Gold: A Diaper Explosion
16:35:00
Crazy Lady Is Convinced She Has Been Hacked
20:08:06
Middle Aged Man Upset His ID Wasn't Check While Buying Beer
23:16:03
Old Man Wanders In To Teen Girls Hotel Room
26:48:22
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
29:43:02
Sucking The Toes Of The Woman You Are Stalking
33:34:15
Decorating Your Yard With Stolen Cemetary Finds
37:31:05
Legend Of The Pistol Whipping Pastor
40:27:07
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Weaponized Farts? The Case of the E. Coli Face Blast

00:00:00
Introduction
03:07:15
Happy Biopsy Day To Mom!
04:21:18
Officially Driving My New 2025 Daewoo Creeper SX 1 Wheel Drive
11:24:14
Scam Texts From Drug Cartels And Pimps
14:20:09
I Just Want To F**K Your Clone
17:25:13
A Soverign Citizen Traffic Stop
25:53:08
Trans Chess Livestream With Dad Goes Wrong
35:33:21
Sideshow Deals Galore!
36:54:09
Audio Of Andrew Tate TreatIng His Ladies...Poorly
42:41:02
Shorties Are Pissed You Can Filter Tinder Dates By Height
47:17:19
Farting E. Coli Up Your Girlfriend's Nose
51:02:11
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

America's Funniest Inbred Home Videos

On Today's Show:
Episode Overview
Welcome to the Wednesday, May 28, 2025 episode of Distorted View Daily with host Tim Henson. Today’s show is packed with bizarre stories, hilarious audio clips, and updates on the show’s signature absurdity. From a drunk live streamer arguing with a text-to-speech clip to a To Catch a Predator porn parody, this episode is quintessential DV madness.
Segments and Stories
1. Great Moments in Customer Service Phone Calls
Highlight: A profanity-laced rant from an Australian man trying to book a driving test in Victoria. He’s fed up with the bureaucracy and the “cunts” harassing him in Croydon. The call is a chaotic mix of frustration and colorful language.
Quote: “I want to make a boogie for this fucking bullshit so I can shove a piece of paper up the fucking ass that's down here at Croydon's house and say I can drive a car safely.”
2. Ethan Ralph’s Pill Stream Meltdown
Submitted by: Sirosis of Liver (via Discord)
Story: Ethan Ralph, host of The Kill Stream, streams from a shack in Mexico to avoid child support payments. In a drug- and alcohol-fueled stupor, he mistakes a text-to-speech donation (playing a self-help guru clip) for a real person and argues with it for nearly 10 minutes.
Details: Ralph, an alt-right figure, rants about “white children” and berates the non-existent caller, even muting his entire stream in the process. The clip showcases his slurred, unhinged behavior.
Quote: “Tell me right now, bitch. How many white children do you have?”
3. To Catch a Predator Porn Parody
Source: TeenFidelity.com, featured on eFox
Story: A porn parody of To Catch a Predator finally exists, tackling the controversial premise with a mix of humor and explicit content. The setup mimics the original show, with a “pervert” arriving to meet an underage girl, only to be confronted by a Chris Hansen-esque figure. The twist? It’s a porno, so the encounter takes a wild turn.
Details: Features a grandpa character, condom excuses, and a surprising role reversal where the “victim” and camera operator get involved. The parody balances absurdity with the show’s signature sting operation vibe.
Quote: “I brought condoms to make balloon animals for her.”
4. Whitaker Family Update
Story: The infamous inbred Whitaker family from Odd, West Virginia, is back in the news after their mobile home was destroyed in a fire. Filmmaker Mark Leda (Soft White Underbelly) is raising funds via GoFundMe to replace the home.
Details: The family’s living conditions remain dire, with past controversies involving misused GoFundMe money and a hoax death. Ray Whitaker gives a “tour” of the wreckage, communicating mostly in grunts.
GoFundMe: Raised $8,385 so far to clear debris and furnish a new mobile home.
Quote: “Everything is burnt.”
5. Russian Mother Hires Hitman for Daughter
Location: Chayabinsk, Russia
Story: A 46-year-old woman, Svetlana, was arrested for attempting to hire a hitman to drown her 12-year-old daughter in a river for $1,200. The daughter overheard the plot, and the hitman, Andre, refused to follow through, instead hiding the girl and turning himself in.
Details: Svetlana cited “tension” with her daughter as the motive. The girl is now in protective custody with her siblings. Svetlana faces up to 15 years in prison.
Quote: “The problem is every 12-year-old girl is kind of a cunt.”
6. Venezuelan Man Poses as Teen to Enroll in Ohio High School
Location: Perrysburg, Ohio
Story: 24-year-old Anthony Labrador Sierra was arrested for posing as a 16-year-old to enroll in a local high school. He used forged documents, including a Venezuelan birth certificate, to pass as an unaccompanied minor.
Details: The scheme unraveled when the mother of his child provided evidence of his real age. Labrador overstayed his visa and now faces felony forgery charges and ICE custody.
Quote: “When Drew Barrymore does it, it’s a rom-com. When a Venezuelan guy does it, he’s arrested.”
7. Young Thug’s Vocal Style
Story: Tim explores the eccentric vocal style of rapper Young Thug, playing a raw clip of him singing without processing. The result is a chaotic, almost incomprehensible performance.
Details: Young Thug, known for his Grammy-winning work with Childish Gambino, is compared to Tim’s own struggles with fast lyrics.
Quote: “Do you smoke gas? No way. Do you got nuts? No way.”
8. Tim’s Mom Update
Story: Tim shares an update on his mother, Patty Henson, a beloved figure on the show. She recently visited the emergency room due to throat issues and difficulty breathing, only to discover a mass on her thyroid.
Details: The hospital’s lack of urgency frustrates Tim, with a biopsy scheduled for the following Thursday. Despite the scare, Patty was well enough to eat at Arby’s afterward.
Quote: “The Ashtabula Hospital doesn’t even really have delivery rooms. They just send the woman out to a wooded area in the back of a hospital.”
9. Soda News
Caller: Emma
Story: Emma asks if Tim has tried Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola cans. Tim discusses his recent soda adventures, including hating 7-Up Tropical and loving Dr. Pepper Creamy Coconut, which is returning soon.
Quote: “First of all, you don’t even know what suntan lotion tastes like.”
10. Voicemail Corrections and 3D Printing Drama
Caller: Phil VF (Little Baby Faggot)
Story: Phil follows up on a previous call, revealing he 3D-printed anal beads and paddles as “punishment” for his wife’s typo on a door sign. The paddling led to her appendix nearly rupturing, requiring emergency surgery.
Details: Phil humorously laments having to care for his recovering wife, but she’s on the mend.
Quote: “I know a dishwasher can blow out an appendix. That’s always good information to have.”
11. Smartphone History Correction
Caller: Anonymous
Story: A caller disputes Tim’s claim that smartphones existed in the 90s, citing the iPhone’s 2007 release. Tim corrects them, noting IBM’s early 90s smartphone, Ericsson’s 1997 GS88, and BlackBerry and Palm devices pre-iPhone.
Quote: “My mind is a steel trap. You’re the fucktard.”
Sideshow Membership Deal
Offer: A rare mid-year deal on Distorted View Sideshow memberships—$7.50/month or $80/year, saving up to 17%. Includes full-length exclusive episodes and new 10-20 minute bonus segments.
Details: Tim jokingly blames Trump’s tariffs for the podcast’s “financial ruin,” urging listeners to sign up at distortedview.com.
Voicemail and Contact Info
Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Social Media: @distortedview on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com/distortedviewshow
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview (pledge $5+ for priority voicemail playback)
Closing
Tim wraps up with a call to spread the “STD” (Spread The Distortion) and give the show five-star ratings. Sideshow freaks can expect a bonus segment later today and a full exclusive episode on Thursday. Bubble tape, it’s six feet of bubble gum for you, not them!
 
00:00:00:00
Introduction
00:00:00:00
 
00:02:31:08
Sketchy Online Tariff Sales
00:00:00:00
 
00:05:04:19
A Rare Sketchy Summer Sideshow Membership Deal!
00:00:00:00
 
00:06:09:08
A Mom Henson Health Update
00:00:00:00
 
00:14:17:13
A Drunk Streamer Arguing With A Sound Clip
00:00:00:00
 
00:23:26:04
This Ain't To Catch A Predator XXX Parody
00:00:00:00
 
00:29:05:04
What Does A Rapper Sound Like Unfilitered
00:00:00:00
 
00:31:56:01
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
00:00:00:00
 
00:32:31:02
The Inbred Family Blew Up Their Mobile Home
00:00:00:00
 
00:40:16:20
Hiring A Hitman To Take Out Your Daughter
00:00:00:00
 
00:43:41:04
Never Been Kissed - Illegal Venezuelan Man Edition
00:00:00:00
 
00:47:47:21
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
00:00:00:00