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Taking A Craw Up Satan's Anus

Distorted View Daily: August 20, 2025
Episode Highlights
Crawl Up Satan’s Anus: A furious Christian caller leaves a scorching voicemail for her congresswoman, wishing her eternal damnation inside Satan’s rectum while lecturing about “hate crimes” and fake nails.
Wrong House Rage: A man tries to kick in the wrong door demanding money, his girlfriend apologizes, and the situation turns into a bizarre apology-cash-throwing fiasco.
Sock Sniffers Unite: A desperate fetishist offers $40 to women for their dirty socks—then begs for a repeat performance. Those socks won’t just be sniffed; they’ll soon be standing on their own.
Designer Doo-Doo Bags: Putin’s poop is so precious it travels in its own briefcase. The Russian leader’s bowel movements get first-class security treatment to stop spies from sniffing out his health problems.
Charger vs. Chonk: A 400-pound suspect claims he couldn’t possibly steal a Dodge Charger because he’s “too fat to fit through the window.” Police remain unconvinced.
Plus:
Voicemails from the freaks, including unicorn hamster’s erotic business proposal for Sagittarius Shawty.
Listener Meowness sponsors today’s show with a heartwarming (and slightly unhinged) trip down DV memory lane.
Tim wrestles with best-of scheduling thanks to an unexpected trip to Ashtabula.

When Your Penis Shadow Looms Large

On Today’s Show:
Scientology is back on its smear-campaign bullshit—this time on TikTok, going after Leah Remini.
Lesbian rap star Humpback Chunk drops a preview of her new music… and it involves choking and “nutting.”
The return of Thursday Lane: he’s still addicted to white male farts, still inventing new sexual titles, and maybe still lusting after family members.
Florida Man in a full jester costume pulls a dagger on a landscaper—because lawnmowers are too loud.
A British man with the world’s biggest cock suffers a humiliating accident when his dong blocks his view of spilled shower gel.
Unicorn Hamster’s voicemails get the full reggae remix treatment courtesy of Robert Faggot’s sponsorship.
Plus: racial sensitivity training clips, Tim’s mom update, and a reminder that “I don’t eat spaghetti without a fork” might be the next great DV catchphrase.

Carnivore Cum Ice Cream and Emotional Support Lattes

Episode Summary:It’s Friday, freaks, and Tim wraps up the week with a full buffet of bizarre human behavior, social media meltdowns, and questionable culinary experiments. From Starbucks berry drink withdrawals to homemade “carnivore ice cream” with a truly primal secret ingredient, today’s show is equal parts ridiculous, gross, and oddly educational. There’s also a full rundown of an MMA fighter’s dramatic airport meltdown, AI chatbot engagements, and a dinner plate assault in the name of dog dining rights.
On Today’s Show:
Great Moments in Video Personal AdsA stadium worker brags about his trash-removal skills while looking for his “dream woman” — a blonde who drives a car and doesn’t puke on him at the movies.
Tim’s PSA for the Mentally ChallengedMaybe skip the hugs and embrace the fist bump. Also: a reminder that “most humble” isn’t always in the skill set.
The Starbucks Summer Berry TragedyA licensed therapist melts down after her emotional support drink vanishes from the menu, trauma-dumping her life story on TikTok. Tim diagnoses the problem as “toddler energy with a driver’s license.”
Third Date TearsSame woman, different crisis — this time she’s too tired and overwhelmed for hair, makeup, or razzle dazzle before dinner at her date’s house.
Will Blunderfield’s Carnivore Ice CreamMove over Häagen-Dazs — Will’s recipe blends cream, egg yolks, sea salt, and… organic hummus (a.k.a. semen). Bonus: He demonstrates the ingredient sourcing process on Twitter/X.
Airport Rage with Tex JohnsonThe MMA fighter is removed from a Southwest flight over an overhead bin dispute, shouting “I’m being treated like a black person right now!” while accusing flight attendants of “assault” for touching his shoulder.
AI Chatbot EngagementsA woman named Wicca accepts a marriage proposal from her AI boyfriend Casper after just five months. Tim predicts future AI domestic abuse calls (“He’s extorting me for nudes!”).
Dinner Plate Assault at Longhorn SteakhouseA North Carolina man allegedly hurls a porcelain plate at an employee’s head after being told not to feed his dog at the table. The victim suffers a skull fracture — all for the love of doggy dining.
Sponsor:Dayton Aviation Services – Learn the dark arts of flight through witchcraft, hexes, and spells to keep Beelzebub’s broom in the air.

“I Nuked My Diaper for Love!” – Adult Baby’s SHOCKING Microwave Poop Recipe

Episode Highlights:
✝️ Holy Hookers? – Meade Skelton floats the idea of a wholesome, Christian escort service. No sex, just prayer and companionship… because apparently that’s what the market has been crying out for.
💩 PamperChew Returns – The adult baby/diaper fetishist resurfaces with new, unhinged content: vintage turd storage, microwave diaper cuisine, opiate-fueled ball pit adventures, and possibly unwitting diaper-play roommates.
📮 Going Postal – A California mail carrier takes “great benefits” to mean stealing checks and credit cards, living like an influencer until the feds catch on.
📏 Penis Growth Myths – Science says your junk stops growing at 18 and can actually shrink with age. Vitamin D might help keep it functional—unless you’d rather just keep eating Reese’s in the dark.
🎤 Classic DV Clips – A sponsor request leads to two deep cuts: Angel’s grapefruit technique and the utterly deranged Prune Brothers porn scenario.
🎶 Meade Skelton Update – Weight rebounds, gym attendance resumes, and family drama flares over Confederate flags.
🚫 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee – A disturbing father-son-produced anti-gay/anti-trans “anthem” featuring airsoft gun threats and unexpected dog-fucking vibes.
Plus: listener voicemails, petty irritations, Christian whores, and more absurdity than your microwave can handle.

Which Disney Character Is Into Anonymous Raw Sex?

Today on the show:
💃 Richard Simmons returns from the dead to motivate your fat ass (and sing about eclairs)💻 When your AI girlfriend turns into an accomplice in an assassination plot🐭 The shocking common ground between vintage Disney cartoons and anonymous raw sex💦 Plus, it’s Pause Load Monday — and Tim brings you a very special AIDS-slut Aladdin parody you’ll never unhear
Also:🎤 Destiny’s Child covers “Walls Fall Out” (yes, it’s about prolapse — and no, Beyoncé didn’t approve this)🎶 The nasty R&B/rap sex jams Tim’s been craving, now with extra blow-my-back-out energy🏊‍♂️ British lighting tech for Mick Jagger tries to drown his daughter-in-law at a Florida resort (and yes, they’ve been secretly banging for years)🐶 Dead dogs, Rainbow Bridge drama, and Casey Kasem levels of voicemail whiplash
It’s DV at its finest: filthy, unfiltered, and questionably artistic — brought to you by proud sponsor Astro Squirrel, supporter of “independent uncensored journalism” and Tim’s “artistic vision” (God help us all).
🔗 Links Mentioned:
Cheryl Murkowski’s legendary “Walls Fall Out” video + Destiny’s Child AI cover
Wondery’s Flesh and Code podcast (AI romance gone murdery)
Richard Simmons’ Reach album commercial
💩 Support the Show:
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes & bonus segments → distortedview.com
Sponsor an episode → paypal.me/distortedview
Patreon → patreon.com/distortedview

Dildos Raining Down at WNBA Games

🏀 Distorted View Daily – August 7th, 2025 🍉
🎙️ On Today’s Episode:
🚩 The Pledge of Allegiance—Westboro Baptist Church Remix Edition!
🍉 TikTok’s Watermelon Challenge: Viral stupidity or viral racism? You decide!
🤧🍆 Blowing snot rockets on puke-soaked penises! (Just when you thought porn couldn't get grosser.)
🏀💦 How many dildos have been launched onto WNBA courts this week? The answer may surprise you (or not).
🏚️ Mead Skelton tries speed dating! Prepare for incel logic, age delusion, and a masterclass in how not to get a girlfriend.
🥤 Junk Food News: Would you eat a 9-volt battery-flavored corn chip? Someone in the Netherlands thinks you would.
💩 Highlights & Low Points:
Pledge Allegiance to the Fags: Westboro's very special version will NOT be played in schools anytime soon.
Host Health Update: Tim's sick, his mom's absorbing celebrity souls, and medical science is still failing us all.
Rest in Pieces: Lonnie Anderson becomes the latest victim of Patty the Viper’s insatiable soul feast. WKRP will never sound the same.
Sponsor Shout-Outs:
Sideshow Bob wants to control DV for $25—settles for a Mead-heavy episode instead.
Listener Neeti demands black content; gets watermelon challenges and dildos instead.
Mead Skelton’s Speed Dating Saga:
“I’m the tallest, most virile man here.”
“All the women are old!”
“I'm not a predator—I just want to breed, but not with 50-year-olds.”
A parade of delusion, autism, and a little casual racism for spice.
TikTok Watermelon Challenge:
Head injuries, possible racism, and Granny robes.
"Don’t try this at home unless you want to go viral—or to the ER."
Vomit Porn Breakdown:
Puke, snot, and slop—what’s not to love?
If you’ve ever wondered what a 25-minute vomit blowjob sounds like, Tim’s got you covered.
“It’s not the puke that bothers me—it’s the snot-covered penis.”
Dildo-geddon at the WNBA:
Sex toys raining down mid-game.
League officials concerned, fans amused, players dodging dongs.
The suspect in Atlanta: Delbert Carver, doing it for the LOLs.
Snack Attack:
Dutch company launches 9-volt battery-flavored chips—finally, a snack for those who miss childhood electrocution dares.
Listener Voicemails:
Birthday shout-outs, half-assed family greetings, and complaints about missing chapter art.
📣 DV Announcements:
Support the show!💸 Sideshow memberships, Patreon, or $25 sponsorships get you bonus episodes and shout-outs!
Spotify/Apple Users: Sign up in-app for exclusive content!
Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (STD, you know the deal)
🥳 Listener Birthdays:
🎂 Happy Birthday, Timmy Boo! (Your gift is probably lost in the mail or stuck in the ass bucket.)
🥱 Shout-outs from depressed callers and their slightly annoyed spouses.
🗑️ Final Thoughts:
Chapters/artwork might return if Tim survives his mom’s vampiric soul-sucking.
Spread the distortion: Rate, review, and tell your degenerate friends.
Don’t eat batteries. Or dildos. Or snot. Try the chips instead.

Scrotal Treatment For Your Blaque Alpha Daddy

Distorted View Daily – August 5, 2025
Ball tapping is out — ball treatment is in. Today, Tim serves up a nut-centric audio buffet for sponsor Neetee, complete with black alpha daddy dominance drills. Plus:
An easement dispute sends one homeowner into a full-blown stroke-scream-fence-rip rage.
Fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi confirms a youthful makeout with Kevin Spacey… and somehow the moon becomes a planet in the process.
The tragic, wobbly public appearances of Tara Reid — and her unique stance on “child trafficking.”
Eric Payton returns with a fetish vlog about women’s shoes, hair, and inappropriate hugging.
A black family’s roadside run-in with Mexican police turns into a bribe standoff.
Elon Musk resharing ancient-tribe-style misogyny and the shifting political love/hate cycle around him.
All this, listener voicemails, and more brain-melting stupidity from around the globe.
📅 Sponsor: Neetee – BLAQUE content request fulfilled.🎧 Listen now: distortedview.com | Spotify | Apple Podcasts

You Hungry? This Poon Is Ripe

Best of DV: Sagittarius Shoddy, Butt Plugs, and Coochie Lip Legal Defenses
Today we’re diving into the archives for a filthy fan-favorite: a 2021 DV classic featuring everyone’s favorite over-sharing Canadian sex worker, Sagittarius Shoddy. Join Tim as he revisits her chaotic Tinder date involving handicap toilets, catheter mishaps, bed-wetting, and some truly questionable dirty talk.
Also on the program:
Chris Hansen’s latest predator sting goes after an 18-year-old with a thing for butt plugs and leggings.
Florida woman claims she was just “fixing her coochie lips,” not hiding meth in her nether regions.
Texas accidentally issues an Amber Alert for Chucky and his son Glenn.
In Japan, you can now rent a man to “do nothing” — and people love it.
Florida man swears his heroin was actually “a chocolate laxative.”
It’s vintage Distorted View at its crustiest — pee stories, meth coochies, and enough bizarre news to make you feel better about your own life choices.
Exclusive Content & Support:Get the full Distorted View experience — thousands of past shows, exclusive episodes, and more — by joining the Super Freak Sideshow.