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Hemorrhoid Concealer for the Active Asshole

On the show today:
“It’s NOT Makeup, Bro”:Tim reviews an ultra-macho men’s “not makeup” product called KLYR / Clear – a $60 “concealing cream” for dudes who can’t admit they’re wearing foundation. He breaks down the ad copy, the black “manly” blender sponge upsell, and calculates exactly how much straight guys are willing to pay to not sound “queer” while buying concealer.
Bung Lush Hemorrhoid Concealer™ Launches:Inspired by the Clear grift and celebrity makeup empires, Tim unveils his own luxury cosmetic line: Bung Lush Hemorrhoid Concealer – “for chewed-up looking angry balloon knots.”
Fake commercial spot features a bro with an “active asshole” trying to hide his roids before butt-play night.
Shade names include: Protein Powder Vanilla, Meat Sweats Pink, Road Rash Red, Barbecue Pit Rust, Bourbon Barrel Blowout, Truck Stop Tobacco, and signature Smoky Starfish.
Things end in disaster (and poo), but at least he wasn’t embarrassed by hemorrhoids.
Tactical Toothbrush Nation:A rant on the cursed world of hyper-masculine products for men: Bell & Howell’s endless “TAC” line – tactical flashlights, shavers, and the nine-in-one Tac Pen that’s somehow a writing device, screwdriver, window breaker, strobe light, and whistle to summon your wife for another beer. All wrapped in “military grade” phrasing for guys convinced they’ll someday need to escape a glass coffin in the desert.
TikTok Jeweler & the “What’s Up, Dude?” Multiverse:Tim plays audio from a jeweler’s TikTok where random dudes bring in diamonds to be appraised – including a likely stolen stone worth over $70k. Someone stitched together all the intros, revealing it’s basically the same guy walking in over and over going, “What’s up, dude?” until it sounds like two men trapped in a conversational loop from hell.
Gas Station Racism & Road Rage Exhaustion:Audio of a black woman with extreme, multicolored, floor-length hair ranting about a “weird Indian bitch” and asserting she “can’t be racist” because she’s black in America. Tim then plays a separate parking lot shouting match between a black woman and a Hispanic woman arguing over who caused a near-accident and whether “go back where you need to be” counts as racist. Tim’s main takeaway: everyone involved is exhausting and life is too short to die over a self-checkout or parking lot beef.
Vince the ShamWow Guy vs. The Woke:Remember ShamWow/Slap Chop Vince? Tim recaps his arrest history and failed comedy movies before diving into Vince’s latest reinvention as a right-wing culture warrior.
New music video: “Wokebusters” – a Ghostbusters-style anti-trans & anti-DEI song featuring caricatured trans people around kids and a black student fast-tracked into college.
Kids on set end up seeing more bare ass in the video shoot than they’d ever see from an actual trans person in a park.
The whole thing climaxes with a dedication to Charlie Kirk as “the original Wokebuster.”
Disney Adults Anthem (Please Seek Help):Tim subjects himself (and you) to the new “Disney Adult” anthem being hyped by the Plus Size Park Hoppers. Lyrics about “heroes,” knowing parade choreography, hopping from park to park, and blowing half your yearly salary “for the memories” lead Tim to call for deprogramming camps for Disney-obsessed adults. He’s fine with going to the parks; he just doesn’t want your entire personality to be “monorail and culture via Epcot.”
Throwback Racist Bits & Mr. Miller’s Sponsorship:Listener Mr. Miller sponsors the show and specifically requests the infamous “Mrs. Miller – Negro Connection” bit. Tim explains:
Who the real Mrs. Miller was (an unintentionally terrible singer who became a novelty act).
How DV discovered hardcore racist message boards back in the day and combined that with Mrs. Miller for a shockingly racist parody of “Rainbow Connection.”
Why he largely retired those bits (including the Grandma Jigaboo’s Old Negro Style Waffle Batter commercial), even though he still stands by the satire and intent. Social climate has changed, hardcore racists are louder, and maybe racial social commentary from Tim + Mrs. Miller isn’t what the world needs right now.
School Fundraisers & Early-Onset Capitalism:During voicemails, Tim reminisces about being effectively groomed into MLM-style school fundraisers – selling candy, cheesy ornaments, and weird desk organizers to relatives so some mysterious catalog company could profit, all under the banner of “helping the school.”
Florida Threesome Flamethrower:In the news segment, a woman named Angel Lynn Curl in Clearwater is arrested after a planned threesome with her boyfriend and another woman falls apart. Tim imagines:
The boyfriend “focusing on the new pussy” and Angel losing it.
Curl allegedly punching her boyfriend repeatedly, a witness watching, and the cops stepping in.
A restraining order now conveniently clearing the path for the boyfriend and the third to hook up. Tim openly wonders what really killed the threesome and fantasizes about the old days when landlines made it easy to call these people and ask.
Self-Checkout Hell at Kroger (Houston):Another story features a viral video of a white guy in an Astros cap losing it on a black woman at a Kroger self-checkout. Tim fully sides with hating the self-checkout experience in general:
People with full carts who can’t figure out a scanner.
Customers who finish paying but just stand there blocking the station.
His proposal: a Self-Checkout Certification System where you must pass a test on your phone before you’re allowed to use the machines. Otherwise, back to a human cashier you go.
Sponsors, Sideshow, & How to Support DV:
Final reminder: AdamandEve.com is wrapping up their long DV sponsorship after November – use promo code FREAK for 50% off almost any item, free gifts, and free shipping, including new holiday-themed toys like a Christmas bullet vibe with Santa & snowman toppers.
DV Sideshow plug: years of bonus shows, private feed you can plug into most podcast apps, and sign-up options via the website, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.
Patreon shout-out at patreon.com/distortedview (special voicemail line, etc.).
$25 episode sponsorships via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview) with custom messages or clips you want played.
Community Stuff & Voicemails:Tim plugs the Level 80 Cat Lady Memorial Secret Santa organized via the DV Discord, thanks listeners who send in clips and links, and plays a few voicemails touching on candy fundraisers, aging references (Hair Club for Men vs. Gen Z), and a caller riffing on race and Obama/Trump.
Tim wraps things up by telling Disney adults to kill themselves (with love), teasing tomorrow’s Sideshow-only episode, and reminding you degenerates to spread the distortion, support the show however you can, and use promo code FREAK at Adam and Eve before it’s gone.

Celebrity Pubic Hair Arsonist

On today’s show:
“6–7” is Satanic NowTim dives into the extremely online Christian meltdown over kids chanting “6-7” from a dumb TikTok meme. Somehow this turns into a conspiracy web involving Greek gods, vaccines, Trump, homosexuality, slot machines, 666 vs 777, ICE, and the usual “won’t someone think of the children” panic.
Mead Skelton: From Pretty Boy to Lesbian AuntMead posts “How Being on the Internet Since Young Adulthood Destroyed My Life,” blames self-promo message-board shenanigans for tanking his career, insists he’s probably on the Epstein list, and casually drops that “minors were after” him. Tim fact-checks the fantasy, mocks his old-lady glasses, and immortalizes the line: “I look like a lesbian.”
Tonetta’s Force-Fed StoryBeloved weirdo Tonetta recalls being “force-fed” cock until he had to swallow… then admits it actually tasted pretty good. Tim tries to balance the horrific assault description with the fact that Tonetta is clearly still very into cum.
Stacey Kennison vs Sandra Bullock & Diane LaneOur favorite unstable queen returns, now claiming Diane Lane is blaspheming her Holy Spirit on her “bare genitalium,” orchestrating rape and immolation plots to secure peace in the Middle East, and risking an ex parte order if she doesn’t knock it off. Tim helpfully notes we’ve basically heard this exact script before—just swap in Sandra Bullock.
“We Are All Abusers” (and Also Terrible at Songwriting)Tim spotlights Ava Via Music, who lives in an RV, makes Very Important TikTok Songs about narcissists, and turns a family meltdown over a baby shower game into an off-key spoken-word therapy session. Phones, self-care culture, and TikTok “therapists” all catch strays.
News: McLaren Brat Busted in MiamiTikTok/YT pest Jack Doherty, previously seen hydroplaning and annihilating his $200k McLaren on livestream while barely checking the road, gets popped in Miami Beach for blocking traffic to film content, plus possession of a Schedule II amphetamine and weed. Tim revisits the glorious crash footage and marvels at how little these people care about their bleeding friends versus their camera angle.
News: DUI Piss Can DisasterIn Montana, a man with multiple prior DUIs rear-ends a Volkswagen while trying to pee into an empty Budweiser can on the interstate. Shockingly, his license is suspended, his clothes are soaked in booze and piss, and his BAC is over three times the legal limit. Tim, as a veteran of emergency-roadside pissing, breaks down the physics of splashback and why bottles > cans.
Voicemails & Texts
A bi listener gets caught watching hardcore gay porn by his girlfriend and muses on how different it’d be in a gay relationship.
More disturbing agreement with resident pedophile character Galileo’s takes on women/bank accounts & divorce (Tim slaps that down with Actual Basic History).
A caller explains Nazi “race tier lists” and why Eastern Europeans used to be considered subhuman even compared to Africans/Indians.
Fake Puerto Rican Fat Man calls in with holiday greetings.
Tim recounts finally getting what he’s always wanted: unsolicited listener dick video via the 4HAIRYCUNT text line. First listener to show hole still qualifies for a DV shirt, allegedly.
Sponsor / Links:
🎧 Check out The Jam Hole podcast (part of the totally real Scrod Media Network).
💀 Support Distorted View:
Sideshow memberships at DistortedView.com (monthly, yearly, or lifetime)
Patreon: $5+ gets you the priority voicemail line
Listener episode sponsorships: PayPal $25 to show@distortedview.com
Contact / Community:
Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Text / Sext Line: 4HAIRYCUNT (plus standard DV voicemail number)
Social: @distortedview on Twitter & Instagram
Facebook: facebook.com/distortedviewshow
Spread the distortion, STD—tell a friend, leave a 5-star rating, and maybe crash a McLaren on livestream if it’ll get them to listen.

Fortnite Slurs, Fursuit Politics, and a Smoke Alarm of Poverty

Today's episode of Distorted View Daily is brought to you by AdamAndEve.com — your final chance to use promo code FREAK for 50% off nearly any item, plus free gifts and free shipping. Go fill those holes for the holidays.
Hey Freaks! Tim back at the end of the week with a 2008-style DV throwback, courtesy of Sideshow sponsor Burgles, who demanded:
<40 minute episode
Only true weirdos, no IRL Karens
Oh-God Line voicemails only
And a nostalgic 128kbps MP3
Wish granted, bitch.
On Today’s Show:
• A raging gay Fortnite streamer verbally disembowels opponentsWe dive into the glorious world of hyper-dramatic homosexual gamer trash talk.Mexicans, smoke alarms, lace-front wigs, and suicide recommendations—this queen is not holding back. Tim also detects the sacred low-battery chirp and immediately identifies the true owner of the “poverty alarm.”
• E-girl vs. Gay Gamer: A Battle for Victimhood SupremacyShe’s drooling, lisping, and repeating “faggot” like she’s speedrunning her dentist’s regrets.He wants her rights, her armpit hair, and her fupa.An instant classic.
• TikTok Scam Artist Gets Owned By His MomA 39-year-old man sobs on TikTok for donations, claiming he’s being kicked out—until mom walks into the room and ruins the grift.Red teddy bear emoji donations immediately stop.Mom just wants to know what he wants for supper.
• Dating Show Hell: “Date On A Plate”A new YouTube channel, Elixir, premieres nightmare dating formats—including one where contestants' heads stick out of a table.Tim reviews the head-on-a-platter gimmick and a high-maintenance woman whose dating checklist makes AI matchmaking look humane.Requirements include:– Seven-figure salary (but not TOO seven-figure)– Impeccable wardrobe– No tattoos unless you were forced into one by Yale’s Skull & Bones– Drinks a morning nutrient smoothie– Like… what?
• Tamir Update: Women Are Ruining His McDonald’s MilkshakeOur beloved rage-goblin returns, furious that AI keeps “sending him women” he refuses to “fight for.”Old saggy-titted women, system conspiracies, and ruined milkshakes.Classic Tamir meltdown energy.
News From the Distortion Zone:
• A Michigan Furry Is Running for CongressSamuel Smeltzer—AKA Elian Badger—IT worker, furry, China-sympathizer, pentagram-posing honey badger man—files to run in Michigan’s 7th District.Policy priorities:
Tax the rich
Expand healthcare
Advocate for furries (seriously)
Also: he celebrated the murders of Charlie Kirk and a healthcare CEO, praised the shooters, and declared that America “deserved 9/11.”Congress keeps getting weirder and Tim is rooting for it.
• New Epstein Docs Drop: Trump Knew EverythingFresh files suggest Trump was aware of Epstein’s teen-hunting operation.Even wilder: rumors arise that Trump allegedly “gave Bubba (Bill Clinton) a blowjob.”The real twist?Some Trump supporters now openly debating whether pedophilia is even bad.One caller to a political podcast literally asks: “Why is it wrong to rape children?”America 2025, folks.
• Megyn Kelly’s “Pedophile” Semantics MeltdownKelly wonders aloud whether Epstein fits the technical definition of pedophile because he preferred “barely legal 15-year-olds.”Left-wing media pounces, but Tim notes she’s basically just nitpicking terminology—which DV listeners know he’s done too.
Plus:
Adam & Eve farewell ad bonanza (PDX Elite Suckgasm! Gawk Gawk 3.0! Holiday Advent Sex Calendars!)
A reminder to join the Sideshow and support DV
Oh-God Line voicemails, including a man who helicopters his dick to the DV closing theme

Hitler’s Lonely Little Testicle

On Today’s Show:
Mead Skelton Wants The Asylum (But Not Really)
Mead uploads (and quickly deletes) a video begging to be locked in a mental institution.
Tim explains why you should always locally save meltdowns from your favorite lolcows.
Mead rebrands into a “Xennial” and revisits his long line of “eccentric” relatives, including the uncle who stuffed cash in the walls and the almost-exploding inventor grandfather.
Nuisance Streamer at the Gym: “I’m Just Here to Get Pussy, Man”
A CrossFit prankster banned from the gym shows back up screaming about getting pussy in front of kids.
Staff finally put hands on him after he keeps barging in and harassing members.
Tim ponders if “I just wanna get pussy, man” is technically a valid gym membership reason and whether this all counts as justified assault or just 2025-style content farming.
Amazon Driver vs. Neighborhood Fun Police
An Amazon delivery driver gets confronted by the self-appointed HOA sheriff for “racing” down the street at 25 mph.
He threatens to cost her the job she already hates; she responds by delivering a fast, prime-eligible punch to the face.
Tim sides with the driver, notes that Amazon tracks literally everything, and predicts she’ll somehow still be the one in trouble.
Fine Dining at Burger King: Pronouns & Rodeo Burgers
An older “First Amendment lawyer” boomer has a meltdown because the drive-thru worker, Lily, dares to correct her pronouns.
She insists she’ll “call you what I see” while referring to herself as a longtime patron of Burger King like it’s a Michelin-star restaurant.
The owner tries (and mostly fails) to stand up for the employee as Tim imagines the woman’s empty, rage-fueled life between coupon complaints.
News Time: The Psychic Who Saw Billions (For Herself)
Australian cops bust a self-proclaimed feng shui master / fortune teller and her assistant for an insanely elaborate fraud and money laundering ring.
Vulnerable clients were told to take out huge loans because a billionaire was in their future – spoiler: it was the psychic.
Tens of millions in loans, ghost cars, frozen assets, gold bars, casino chips, and one greedy mystic who seriously overdid it.
Hitler’s Junk: Science We Didn’t Ask For
A new British documentary claims Hitler’s DNA suggests Kallman syndrome, which can cause low testosterone and an undescended or missing testicle.
Tim wonders how many Hitler docs we really need and if we’ve crossed into full-on historical body-shaming.
Polygenic scores, mental illness speculation, and why “Hitler had one ball” may actually be medically accurate… and totally irrelevant to genocide.
A Tribute to Level 80 Cat Lady
Listener sponsor Christy dedicates today’s episode to Level 80 Cat Lady, remembering her kindness and Discord hand-holding.
Tim revisits her obsession with Waluigi, including:
Waluigi’s floating VR head singing “Hallelujah.”
“Waluigi sings the hits” and the duet album Me Sing Now For You.
A graphic drawing of Waluigi as a woman lifting her skirt to proudly expose cartoon pussy lips—great Sextastic Tuesday art, terrible for CarPlay.
4HairyCunt Text Line & Voicemails
Tim plugs the 4HairyCunt text line and plays new messages, including:
Stacy in D.C. checking in about Tim’s Kia Soul adventure and testing the new line.
Old-school DV history from longtime listeners.
More rambling about side trips, old AIM days, and how long-time freaks still haunt the show in the best ways.
Sponsor: Quantum Energy Squares Get your chewable protein & caffeine fix:
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Sperm Vending Machine: Freshly Dispensed Daddy Goo

On Today’s Show:
🚗 Rental Car & Tire Nightmare
Tim explains why you got a “best of” earlier in the day: he was stranded thanks to a leaking tire on a rental RAV4.
Gets blown off by “tire experts,” waits over four hours at Discount Tire while other black RAV4s jump the line, and slowly loses his mind next to a diseased, coughing child.
Enterprise once again has no cars, no answers, and a “just risk it” attitude toward driving four hours on a bad tire.
After bouncing between locations, Tim finally escapes in a shame-red Kia Soul.
💉 Mom’s Cancer Update
Tim’s mom has had the worst kind of thyroid cancer removed; what’s left are treatable “specks” radiation should clear.
If all goes well, she could be cancer-free in about six weeks.
Naturally derails into a horribly inappropriate “throat goat” bit before walking it back to normal throat activities.
🙏 TikTok Holy Ghost Prayer Stream
Tim finds a TikTok “Holy Ghost Prayer Meeting” where viewers send paid emojis and get prayed for in tongues.
The woman fully commits to the act; the guy just repeats what sounds like “bidet, bidet, bidet” or “banana” for over a minute.
Tim questions whether it’s tongues, Tourette’s, or just a nervous dude who needs to install a bidet.
🎶 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Pedo Death Metal
An obese white woman screeches a death-metal song about torturing pedophiles with wood chippers and nooses.
Tim points out that “I hate pedophiles” is not exactly a bold moral stance, but the delivery earns her a Linda Finkel Hall of Fame nod.
🧠 Galileo2333’s Hot Take on Mexico’s President
Favorite ghoul Galileo praises the man who groped Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum, calling him a hero and arguing women should be assaulted out of power.
Tim fixates on how joyfully he says “violated” and fantasizes about what must be in his FBI file.
📰 News #1 – UK to Ban Choking / Suffocation Porn
UK plans to make porn showing choking or suffocation a “priority offense” on par with child sex abuse and terrorism content.
Platforms will have to proactively remove it; viewers/distributors could face penalties.
Tim mourns yet another weird kink category getting nuked and notes that “safe strangulation” probably isn’t real.
📰 News #2 – Facebook Sperm Market (“Sperm Vending Machines”)
Facebook groups connect “sperm donors” with would-be parents looking for cheap alternatives to fertility clinics.
Women report being pressured into sex (aka “natural insemination”), flashed, scammed, and harassed.
Serious risks: STIs, hidden genetic conditions, zero legal protection.
Tim riffs on thick vs watery cum, his crusty college carpet, and why nothing about this scene should surprise anyone.
📱 Texts & Ways to Support the Show
Listeners recommend “Lock and Load” and a ComeBiggerLoads regimen to help Tim shoot bigger ropes.
Longtime freaks thank Tim for ruining their childhoods and praise the Bob Hickman/Amber video as an accidental anti-drug PSA.

Presidential Fuck Machine, Abraham Lincoln: Emancipator of Tight Assholes

Tim opens with a fresh intro explaining why you’re getting a classic instead of a new show:
Weekend trip to visit his mom in Ashtabula turns into a rental car disaster
Stranded with a busted rental, five-hour delay, and useless Enterprise locations
Learns only airport rental counters are open on weekends
Forced to drive home in a bright cherry red Kia Soul that doesn’t fit a 6'2" man or his ego
Promises a new DV episode later in the afternoon, but for now serves up a filthy Best Of from 2016 featuring an Abraham Lincoln Sextastic Tuesday
We then jump back to Tuesday, March 8, 2016, Sideshow-era Sextastic Tuesday.
Opening / Twitter & Period Blood
Tim rants that Twitter is only good for yelling at companies, citing his Chipotle burrito bowl saga
Reads a curated stream of disgusting sex tweets about period blood, wrecked pussies, and weird-smelling dicks to set the Sextastic mood
Diva Cup Slam Poetry
Plays a performance piece about Diva Cups and “pussy blood collections”
Poets lovingly describe pouring menstrual blood into a “chalice” and even rubbing it on a boyfriend’s dick
Tim pushes back: bodies are gross, blood is gross, genitals are gross — please keep all that to yourself
Sextastic Clips: Tourette’s & Teeny Peenies
Tourette’s porn: schoolgirl with Tourette’s shouting obscene phrases as her “spasms” conveniently slam her face into dick territory
Chubby “sweet boy” porn: a massive, hairy man gets humiliating baby talk about his “little peenie” while his gut is lifted to find his dick, all set to bizarre children’s-style background music
Sextastic Story: Abraham Lincoln Presidential Fuck Machine
Feature-length erotic fanfic starring Abraham Lincoln with magic cum:
Abe wakes in 1863 with a raging erection and an itchy seven-point star birthmark on his thigh
Skips Mary Todd and gets serviced by maid Martha, who deep-throats his nine-inch “birch rod” while he calmly sips tea and eats biscuits
Later, Japanese emissary Takeyoshi reveals Lincoln is a chosen shinobi whose power comes from his loins
A super-charged orgasm blasts through the White House wall and across the sky like a cum comet
Abe then lubes up with breakfast butter, rails the ninja, and joins in a multi-man cabinet fuck session as everyone services everyone else
Lincoln’s “powers” manifest through gigantic loads and a convulsing ninja asshole
Sponsor
AdamAndEve.com spot:
Use coupon code FREAK for 10 free gifts + free shipping
Tim begs you to buy smut and support DV
News
China Elevator Horror
Woman dies trapped in a shut-down elevator; body discovered a month later
Scratch marks inside show she tried to escape; Tim imagines the smell and rats.
Punch-Your-Husband Women’s Day Event (China)
Husbands dress as padded human punching bags so wives can sock them for “forgiveness” and empowerment.
Texas School Board Nut – Mary Lou Bruner
Leading candidate believes:
Obama financed a drug habit as a male prostitute
School shootings started after evolution was taught
Dinosaurs rode out the flood on Noah’s Ark and died later
Climate change is a Marxist hoax
Tim notes she’s clearly insane, but also that the article about her is not exactly neutral.
Voicemails & Odds & Ends
Listener Elizabeth asks for a Richard Simmons birthday drop; Tim plays an ultra-creepy “Happy Birthday” clip for her.
Multiple freaks call about WhiteGuysFartInMyFace appearing on Tosh.0 months after DV covered him.
One listener insists Crystal Pepsi actually tasted good; Tim admits he liked it too.
Tim urges the Freak Army to pressure Tony’s to sell school-style Fiestada Mexican pizzas in normal grocery packs instead of bulk to schools.
Mentions revamping his old soda blog FizzledOut.com and wanting to post more beverage nostalgia.
Plays an old Pokémon parody sketch at the end where a cute kitty Pokémon gets annihilated by a giant bear.

The Minivan Messiah And His Divine Dumpster Queen - VIDEOCAST

🧠 Episode Summary
Tim dives deep into the deranged world of Bob Hickman, the Indianapolis cult oddity who famously claims that “God entered into my body like a body my same size, like me floating into you or you floating into me.” From his self-painted “holy van” to his vibrating skin and mesmerizingly bad haircuts, Bob continues to flood the internet with divinely insane content.
But this time, there’s a new holy disciple in the mix — Amber, Bob’s mysterious, twitchy, half-clothed companion who might just be the embodiment of bad life choices and meth. Tim breaks down their disturbing videos, from gas station date nights to Amber’s melting ice cream sandwiches, revealing what could be the greatest anti-drug PSA ever accidentally filmed.
🔍 Episode Highlights
Meet Bob Hickman: The Indianapolis prophet whose van and catchphrase went Reddit-famous.
God’s Body Double: Bob explains his spiritual possession experience and his “electric, vibrating skin.”
Amber, the Chosen One: Introducing Bob’s girlfriend — a twitching, mustachioed mystery woman who drinks mystery liquids and wears football cleats to gas stations.
Amber’s Instagram Past: Tim investigates an old account that might show Amber before her divine (and chemical) transformation.
Gas Station Love Story: Bob and Amber share a romantic evening at a convenience store while Amber’s eyes “burn from the inside out.”
Meth, Madness, and the Holy Van: A closer look at Bob’s fleet of “holy vehicles” and his questionable day job as a trucker.
The Tragic Glow-Up: A decade of decay — from bright-eyed Amber to the twitching shell she’s become.
In a World of Ambers, Be a Bob? Tim closes with a moral lesson that’s both bleak and hilarious: maybe don’t be either.
📺 Clips & References
Bob Hickman’s viral “God entered into my body” videos
Amber’s original Instagram account (archived)
Gas station footage of “Date Night with God”
“Amber’s Halloween Costume & Cat Delusion” episode
🧩 Closing Thoughts
Tim reflects on the downward spiral of both Bob and Amber — two internet fixtures that perfectly capture the madness, tragedy, and unintentional comedy of human dysfunction. In the distorted world of DV, sometimes the sermon writes itself.

Wikipedia Pedo Panic and the Auschwitz Halloween Parade Float Oopsie

On Today's Show:
Tim delivers a packed midweek show filled with vengeance, vile curses, AI abortions, and bowel emergencies. Sponsored by “Freeloading Fucktard,” today’s DV opens with a dramatic, Shakespearean-style monologue addressed to “Aaron,” a former friend who betrayed a fellow listener — ending with a literal shit curse. From there, the show spirals into the absurd with a remix of a teenage anti-abortion anthem, an unhinged trucker’s roadside bathroom emergency, a gun-wielding “good pedophile” storming a Wikipedia conference, and a Holocaust-themed Halloween float gone wrong in Pennsylvania.
💩 Segments and Highlights
Listener Vendetta: The Shit Curse of Aaron
A listener sponsor pays Tim to deliver a hate message to his backstabbing friend Aaron.
Tim transforms the short insult into an operatic, bowel-based monologue full of bile, fury, and fecal retribution.
“All your bowel evacuations will be liquidy, hot and burning… or hard and sharp as glass.”
Ends with the timeless sendoff: “Eat shit and die, bitch!”
🎶 Musical Madness: “Abortion” Gets an AI Makeover
Revisiting Your Cardboard Heart, a legendary Linda Finkel Hall of Fame entry for its 2000s-era anti-abortion anthem.
Tim feeds the song into AI to see if artificial intelligence can polish a Christian turd.
The AI reinterprets the lyrics as pro–illegal abortion — a radical new take.
Listener Danny Boy’s “coat hanger remix” steals the spotlight with grim humor and surprisingly catchy punk energy.
💻 Podcasting in Crisis
Tim laments the state of podcasting: “Every able-bodied American has one, even stroke victims slurring their way up the charts.”
Features a clip of preteen podcasters awkwardly discussing Ice Cube, Sydney Sweeney, and “fire” things.
The boys’ other viral clip—an anti-trans rap—reveals they’re likely mini right-wing grifters in training.
“Lil Rogan” might be the most accurate nickname ever coined on DV.
🚨 Police Poop Patrol
Real police bodycam footage: a semi-truck driver slurring his way through a traffic stop while repeatedly announcing he has to poop.
“You gotta poop?” “Yeah.” “Well, that’s gonna have to wait.” Spoiler: it didn’t.
The inevitable outcome arrives mid-arrest, just as he complains, “You’re pinching my cock and balls!”
Tim cheers the moment: “I’m ready for this guy to shit. He’s been hyping me up for the main event!”
🧠 WikiCon Interrupted by a ‘Non-Offending Pedophile’
A self-described “anti-contact pedophile” storms a Wikipedia conference in NYC with a handgun.
No one hurt; he’s quickly tackled.
His multicolored sign references “MAP” (Minor-Attracted Persons) pride colors.
Tim: “If you have to deal with a pedophile, I guess the non-offending kind is the best you can hope for.”
🎃 Holocaust Float ‘Oopsie’
Pennsylvania Halloween parade float includes Auschwitz-style “Work Makes You Free” gate.
Designer apologizes, claiming it was meant to symbolize “mortality.”
Tim, incredulous: “You wanted a somber message about death… so you used the goddamn Holocaust gate?”
Ends with an imagined Wesley Willis performance: “Rock and Roll Hebrew!”
📱 Listener Feedback & Text Line Drama
Dion Rifkin starts a feud with Blanche Dubois via the 4HAIRYCUNT text line.
Listeners clarify Tim’s pronunciation mistakes: “Cupkakke” (like bukkake) and “Mumdani,” not “Mumdami.”
One listener recalls a fart-obsessed teacher who would sniff students’ chairs to find the culprit — instantly earning a place in the DV Creeps Hall of Fame.
🔗 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow: Get exclusive episodes every week at DistortedView.com.
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — Pledge as little as $1.
Sponsor an Episode: $25 via PayPal to show@distortedview.com.
Text Line: 4HAIRYCUNT or 206-666-4463.