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Shit Lump Intervention

Distorted View Daily – Christmas Eve Best Of (Classic Episode from 2014)
Merry Christmas Eve, freaks! If you’re trapped in a car with relatives you hate, hiding from your family, or just need something loud, stupid, and offensive to get you through the holidays, this Best Of Distorted View Daily has you covered.
Tim dusts off a classic episode from December 2014, packed with legendary audio clips, enraging tech support calls, human stupidity, and some of the dumbest people ever captured on tape. Think of it as a re-gift… but one that smells faintly of feces and printer toner.
On This Episode:
Tech Support From Hell – A confused elderly woman calls tech support to complain about Google’s Pac-Man doodle, convinced it’s hijacking her computer and possibly charging her money.
Printer Rage Meltdown – A man loses his mind during a tech support call, smashes his printer (and possibly his monitor) with a hammer, and then demands warranty service while his family panics in the background.
Shit Lump Intervention – A drunk man is confronted by friends after passing out in his underwear with a very visible fecal mass in his pants… and things only get worse when he investigates.
The 80 MPH Question Returns – A simple math question destroys multiple brains as two men struggle mightily to determine how long it takes to travel 80 miles at 80 miles per hour.
2014 News Flashback – Commentary on the Sony hack, North Korea’s threats over The Interview, and America’s collective panic over a Seth Rogen movie.
Teacher Suspension – A first-year math teacher faces consequences after writing “stupid” on a student’s forehead with permanent marker.
Death by Tire Swing – A man dies after aggressively pushing an empty playground tire swing and failing to anticipate basic physics.
Classic Voicemails – Freaks from Australia, Ohio, and beyond check in with holiday greetings, McRib opinions, singing, and unhinged devotion.
Also Mentioned:
Holiday deals still active at shop.distortedview.com (use promo code AIDS for 20% off orders of $50+)
Lifetime Sideshow memberships available as the ultimate last-minute gift for the freak in your life
A music swap at the top of the episode thanks to copyright issues (thanks a lot, Spotify)
Whether you’re driving across the state, hiding in a bathroom, or questioning all your life choices, this classic Distorted View Daily Best Of is the perfect Christmas Eve companion.
🎄 Merry Christmas, freaks. Spread the distortion. 🎄

Pokémon Go Gym Meltdown + Target Parking Lot Perv – Distorted View Daily

On Today's Show:
 
Distorted View Daily – Monday, December 22, 2025Day 11 & 12 of the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily
Christmas week kicks off with a stacked episode as Tim Henson wraps up the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily and dives headfirst into deranged news, internet lunacy, listener chaos, and the triumphant return of a Linda Finkel Hall of Fame legend.
🎄 Holiday Deals & Sideshow Specials
20% off orders of $50 or more at shop.distortedview.com using promo code AIDS (valid through Christmas)
Sideshow Membership Deal: $6/month or $60/year—Black Friday pricing returns
New year-by-year podcast archive feeds now live (2005 & 2006 available, more coming)
🔥 On Today’s Episode
A grotesque and unholy Christmas poem involving Santa, Mrs. Claus, Krampus, elves, and felony-level trauma
Tim vents about the ongoing kitchen renovation nightmare, including:
No sink for weeks
A boxed, unopened OLED TV aging in the hallway
The never-ending saga of returning and rebuying iPads
Listener chaos erupts as freaks bid for or against a Unicorn Hamster sponsorship
Political psycho Valentina Gomez resurfaces with vile immigration rhetoric and campaign insanity
A 15-minute apartment hallway screaming match between neighbors that resolves absolutely nothing
Two grown adults nearly come to blows over a Pokémon Go gym in public
Linda Finkel Hall of Fame royalty returns: Lisa Gale drops TWO new songs, including:
Training a New Man
Red Light
A brand-new Tainted Brass parody cover closes out the show
🚔 Distorted News
Florida: Woman assaults Planet Fitness employee after being told to lower her voice
Arizona: Senior county attorney arrested for public sexual indecency involving a juvenile in a Target parking lot
📞 Voicemails & Freak Feedback
Zootopia 2 spoilers
Frankie MacDonald AI conspiracy theories
Praise for classic DV musical insanity
Holiday despair, listener predictions, and general madness
Distorted View Daily is here for you during the holidays—whether you’re stuck with family, avoiding responsibility, or questioning reality itself.
🎧 Listen now. Support the show. Spread the distortion.⭐ Rate & review wherever you get podcasts

I’ll Kill Your Children for Christmas + Razor Blade Bread & Diaper Dogs – Distorted View Daily

On Today's Show:
00:00:00
PROMO CODE: BUZZ - $5.00 Off DV Pint Glasses
00:53:22
Introduction
05:46:13
Sorry David! I Mean Dan...Or Was It David?
08:50:14
DV Listener Sponsor: Merry Christmas WhoreSlammer40K
10:25:21
Merry Christmas, I'm Going To Kill Your Children
15:32:06
Baby Andy Fights With His Parents / Hits Himself
20:31:00
Lady With Dong Has Multiple Orgasms - I Call Bullshit!
23:03:22
Taking Your Incontinent Fake Service Dog To The Gym
29:30:18
Shoplifter Gets Locked In Store
31:44:02
Support Distorted View Daily
32:57:07
Enthused About The News - Featuring Tainted Broth
34:03:08
Rock Band Lead Singer Gets Electrocuted By Mic
37:57:21
Razor Blade Banana Nut Bread
44:50:18
Test Messages / Voicemails
53:20:21
Gentlemen Robot Rapists From The Planet Non-Consenua / Ending

Satan’s Steamy Phone Sex Chat + Frankie McDonald, AI, and the Epstein Question – Distorted View Daily Comedy Podcast

Distorted View Daily – Wednesday, December 17, 2025 (Sideshow tease + Distorted News)Promo: Get $5 off the “Satan Away” t-shirt in the DV store — use promo code SATANAWAY (today only).Keywords: Distorted View Daily, Tim Henson, DV Sideshow, Satan Away shirt, Frankie McDonald AI, Zootopia 2 snake trend, Indonesian pit viper, Florida PPP fraud, VRChat Proximity Chat, gooner bait Christmas song.
Tim opens with “Destiny” (Satan) back on the horn, turning the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily into a steamy faux phone-chat ad and pushing the Satan Away merch deal—because apparently your “little dicklets” can’t resist flirting with the devil.
Listener sponsorship chaos follows: Parmesan Sheath dedicates the episode to boyfriend Lil Showstopper (birthday shoutout… slightly late), which Tim uses as an excuse to sabotage the romance with “Dating on Demand: Destiny” — a charming partner who “never forgets birthdays”… and claims she can fit a human head up her… uh… relationship skills.
Then: a nostalgic detour into the internet’s biggest missing-person mystery (for DV freaks): Lil Showstopper, the ancient MySpace-era tough-talk clip that still lives rent-free in Tim’s brain.
Featured Segments
Frankie McDonald: Human or “Frank A.I.”?Frankie denies he’s AI, Tim “investigates,” and the bit spirals into fake virus warnings, cursed forecasts, and the most DV-appropriate weather update imaginable.
Satanic “gooner bait” rabbit holeTim discovers a performer mixing explicit self-love, devil worship, and Christmas-adjacent depravity—then tries to “fix” the season by remixing it into a holiday song for gooners (because of course).
VRChat degeneracy: Proximity Chat returnsA highlight reel of VR weirdos: “phantom pain” believers, age regression roleplay, a “mom” with 39 “children,” and chaos involving toy guns, fake PTSD, and Proximity getting booted/banned again. Tim links the full video in show notes.
Distorted News
China’s Zootopia 2 problem: A breakout blue snake character sparks a trend: fans trying to buy real-life blue snakes, including the Indonesian pit viper / island bamboo pit viper—prompting warnings, price spikes, and some platforms pulling listings.
Florida Criminal Mastermind Award: A woman already charged in a massive COVID relief fraud case allegedly drives a stolen U-Haul cargo van to her own federal court date, triggering a traffic stop, new charges, and bond trouble. (Florida remains undefeated.)
Freak Messages & Voicemails
A real-world vanity plate sighting: “KREEM P1E” (chapter art mention).
DV merch love: Tainted Broth gets worn proudly in public (and yes, it shows up on Spotify searches).
Kitchen remodel talk: a caller begs Tim to do the floor/subfloor now or suffer later.
Voicemail debate: relationships, “jerking off honesty,” and Tim’s classic blend of sympathy + scorched-earth commentary.
Plug Roll (because Tim has a kitchen to fund):Sideshow memberships are on holiday sale (22–33% off), listener sponsorships via PayPal, Patreon perks, DV store merch, and the usual “spread the distortion” PSA.
Outro: Apple Podcasts review shoutout + the usual DV filth, plugs, and chaos—plus a reminder that tomorrow’s episode is Sideshow exclusive.

Acid Enema Warning + Ohio’s Most Rejected Vanity Plates – Distorted View Daily Comedy Podcast

Distorted View Daily — Monday, December 15, 2025 (Show Notes)
Kick off the week with 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily and a fresh batch of filth, freaks: $3 off ALL Distorted View mugs (including new designs like Rimjob Raccoon) using promo code LATTE (L-A-T-T-E) at shop.distortedview.com.
Today’s Highlights (aka: why your therapist hates this podcast)
Holiday merch deal: $3 off any DV mug for 24 hours with LATTE at shop.distortedview.com
Sponsor shout-out: “Urethral Fistula” gifts the show to his brother Dan… and Tim delivers a scorched-earth “welcome back” message plus a bonus Heavy Bertation Monday
Heavy Bertation segment: a classic news-anchor brain-glitch that spirals into total word-salad madness (and somehow becomes a love letter to neurological failure)
Pause Load Monday returns: a quick-and-nasty “toxic seed” audio clip that immediately goes too far (but you knew that already)
Mead Skelton meltdown: Mead posts a sad YouTube confession about having no friends, then explains he mainly wants a friend for wingman services and “structure”
Mead’s cursed dating history: includes an epileptic racist date, a chimp-attack injury story, and the revelation that 8-year-old Mead thought a “tent kiss” got a girl pregnant
Jesse Lee Peterson vs. Erica Kirk: Jesse reacts to widow Erica Kirk grieving on camera and… predictably says the quiet part loudly (and stupidly)
Police bodycam traffic stop chaos: a simple tint/plate issue turns into cuffs, screaming relatives, and expensive consequences—because cooperation is apparently illegal in this family
Distorted News: the Ohio BMV rejected vanity plates list is packed with poop, drugs, sex, and threats—plus the U.S. Supreme Court’s latest reminder that states can keep rejecting plate messages
Distorted News: What got rejected (Ohio vanity plates)
A sampling of the denied personalized plates includes:
Bathroom panic: POOPSACK, I HAVE TO PEE, HV2POOP, GTA2POOP
Drugs: HEROIN, ONMETH, LOVEMETH, NOMETH
Sex/NSFW: 69LMAO, MILF, STROKEN
Violence/threats: ILLCUTU, SLOWHO
Politics-coded entries also show up in the mix (because of course they do)
Community Stuff & Freak Interactions
New 4HAIRYCNT text line gets plugged (because Tim’s brand is professionalism)
Texts roast Tim for blowing money on Nintendo while “cheap-ing out” on the kitchen remodel with Lord Douche
Listener photo “kind of nude” gets added to Tim’s “spank bank” (a sentence that should get you flagged from polite society)
Voicemails: long-time Sideshow member jokes about “canceling” to rejoin via the updated site, plus a recommendation to look up Ratgrave for VR trolling/proximity-chat style chaos
Quick PSA: Acid enemas are a terrible idea
Tim digs into the horrific medical reality behind corrosive enemas, including documented cases of severe colon damage, emergency surgery, strictures, and risks like perforation/sepsis—then, naturally, immediately turns it into an invitation for future “anything in the anus” breaking news coverage.
Deal reminder: $3 off ALL DV mugs today only with LATTE at shop.distortedview.comPodcast keywords for search: Distorted View Daily, Tim Henson, comedy podcast, Sideshow, Ohio BMV rejected vanity plates, acid enema dangers, Mead Skelton, Heavy Bertation, police bodycam traffic stop, Jesse Lee Peterson, Charlie Kirk widow Erica Kirk

Pastor Brings Back Anti-Gay Slurs + a Founding Father’s Filthy Mouth – Distorted View Daily Comedy Podcast

Distorted View Daily – Friday, December 12, 2025
Comedy Podcast | Bizarre News | Offensive Humor | Satire
Today’s 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily brings you $5 off the Distorted View semi-automatic (not a gun) foldable umbrella. Head to shop.distortedview.com and use promo code WET (W-E-T) to save $5 today only.
Tim Henson delivers another unhinged episode of Distorted View Daily, packed with offensive satire, bizarre crime stories, deranged religious freak-outs, and listener insanity.
Highlights include:
A religious leader argues it’s okay to start calling people the F-word again—and really wants you to mean it
Glenn Beck debuts an AI version of George Washington, prompting Tim to respond with his own grotesquely horny founding father interview featuring John Jay
A man claiming to be Jesus Christ goes on a destructive rampage inside a church, falls repeatedly, screams at police, and ends up tased and arrested
A Florida man crashes a stolen BMW at high speed and tells deputies he didn’t steal it—he was teleported into the car by aliens and the X-Men
GameStop’s “Trade Anything Day” results in people exchanging taxidermy animals, dead geese, creepy dolls, street signs, and garbage for a $5 gift card
Listener-sponsored chaos courtesy of Ropes of Nut, including an extended “test of patience” smoke alarm audio experiment
Tim spirals into rants about itchy balls, dry skin, IBM Model M keyboards, and why conservative podcasters keep stealing his bits
Freak voicemails, texts to the 4-Hairy-Cunt line, Mennonite listeners rediscovering the show after 20+ years, and kitchen renovation misery with Lord Douche
Distorted View Sideshow Memberships now 22%–33% off for the holidays
Thousands of exclusive episodes dating back to 2006
Sign up at distortedview.com
Support on Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview
Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal: ⁠show@distortedview.com⁠
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Text line: 4-Hairy-Cunt
Rate, review, and spread the distortion
Distorted View Daily is an explicit comedy podcast featuring dark humor, offensive satire, and the most twisted news stories from around the world. Listener discretion is strongly advised.
On Today’s Episode:Support the Show:Get Involved:

Electric Rectum, Escort Meltdown & Frying Pan Attack – Distorted View Daily Comedy Podcast

Distorted View Daily – December 10, 2025NSFW comedy podcast • weird news • Florida man crime • electric rectum pain • Sagittarius Shaughty sponge saga
Today’s midweek freak-show is packed with medical misery, bad life choices, and holiday deals:
🎁 12 Deals of DV: Hat DayTim kicks things off with a limited-time merch deal: get $5 off any hat at shop.distortedview.com with promo code GIVEHEAD (today only).
🎅 Santa, Hit Me Harder (Listener Message Bit)A very intense “letter to Santa” turns into full-blown festive BDSM roleplay. Nothing says Christmas like begging St. Nick to beat you purple.
🧳 Listener Sponsor: Mark’s Big Move & eBay Junk FestDV listener Mark is moving out of the country and selling 50 years of accumulated crap on eBay – books, CDs, tech junk, vintage gadgets, even a Palm Pilot and a label printer.
Use promo code Timmyboo for 11% off
You also get a free creepy family photo
Link: tinyurl.com/MarksMove (also in the show notes on distortedview.com)
💀 “Don’t Stick It in Crazy” – Side Chick Truck Drag DisasterTim plays wild footage of a guy cheating with a very unstable side piece who drags him down the road with her truck after he stops calling.
Clinging to the door at highway speed
Broken ankle in the middle of traffic
Tim’s advice: if you need variety, hire a professional—don’t risk your limbs on chaotic affair partners.
🧽 Sagittarius Shaughty vs. The Sponge (Again)Our favorite chaotic escort is back with another “sponge stuck in the no-no square” emergency room saga:
Sponge used to block period blood during clients
Aggressive customer hammers it deeper in
Multiple failed attempts to fish it out at 3 a.m.
ER visit filmed for Vlogmas 2026Plus: body-shaming a client’s tiny equipment, refusing to do anything beyond the bare minimum, and still somehow booking more appointments.
🎭 Art Corner: Bruce Nauman’s “Good Boy, Bad Boy”Tim discovers 1980s performance artist Bruce Nauman and his dual-screen piece “Good Boy, Bad Boy”:
Two actors repeating lines like “I have sex / you have sex / we have sex”
Lines shifting from neutral to angry to exhausted
Tim remixes it into “I like to s*** / this is piss” and declares it the perfect DV theme.
🚓 Police Bodycam: “You Had to Be a F*ing American”**A state trooper melts down on a driver who questioned his speeding and tailgating:
Driver has marijuana in the car and still decides to confront the cop
Cop snaps, cites statutes, stomps the weed container, and rants about the public
Tim compares it to his own near-disaster with an angry cop in traffic.
⚡ Health Segment: Electric Rectum & Lightning CrotchFrom London comes the delightful diagnosis of “electric rectum” (aka Proctalgia Fugax) and “lightning bum”:
Sudden electric shock feelings in the back door
More common than people think, often harmless but terrifying
Tied to pelvic floor spasms, IBS, infections, and more
Tim dusts off the legendary Kegel Song and imagines a world where pelvic exercises save your anus.
🍳 Florida Man Tries to Kill Mom with a Frying PanIn peak Florida man fashion, a 53-year-old allegedly tries to murder his 82-year-old mother:
Attacked her with a frying pan, then tried to smother her with pillows
Claims he was overwhelmed by her early dementia and caregiving needs
Tim (darkly) riffs on how easy it would be to discreetly kill a dementia patient—and how this guy chose the stupidest possible method.
☎️ Voicemails, Texts & Lord Douche Updates
Texts about urine stem cells and people defending pee-drinkers
Listener Dion demands timestamps for Unicorn Hamster so he can skip him
Praise for kitchen renovation updates and pleas for Lord Douche to appear on the show (with voice disguise and conditions)
Rants about roundabouts, “electric rectum” as a band name, and a throwback to John Ashcroft’s “Let the Eagle Soar.”
💸 Support DV & Holiday Sideshow Deals
Holiday Sideshow sale: monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships 22–33% off at distortedview.com
Access to the full archive, past minis, and exclusive episodes
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview
Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal to show@distortedview.com
📞 Voicemail & Text LineCall or text 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH GOD) – or text 4HAIRYCUNT – to share your own weird news, bodily malfunctions, or Florida-level life choices.

You Know You’re in Love When Your Anal Glands Release – Distorted View Daily Comedy Podcast

Distorted View Daily Show Notes – Monday, December 8, 2025Host: Tim HensonEpisode type: Free show / Adult comedy podcast / NSFW bizarre news, internet weirdos & Christmas misery
It’s the start of the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily and Tim is kicking off the holidays by dangling promo codes in front of your dead eyes so you don’t blow your brains out before Christmas dinner.
In this episode, Tim:
Announces all four versions of “I Don't Know” are now on Spotify, Apple Music, and other streaming services, including:
Tomoki Hensouni Super Flower Pop Go kawaii J-pop
Elmer Whalen’s country version
Tainted Broth’s heavy take
Zenrhyna Bricklayer’s version of “I Don’t Know”
Previews a new “dead fat Hawaiian ukulele” work-in-progress track in the spirit of Israel Kamakawiwoʻole’s Over the Rainbow/“What a Wonderful World” medley – but with way more ass and cum talk, obviously.
Segment 1: Will Blunderfield’s Canadian Five-Skin & Anal Gland Love
Tim checks back in with Will Blunderfield, who is:
Bragging about his “Canadian five-skin” and the special stink trapped underneath
Brewing toilet “lemonade”, sniffing foreskin piss, and musing about wearing his own bowel scent as perfume
Explaining why sniffing, licking and rubbing your “hummus cannon” against another dude is the “most heterosexual thing in the universe” as long as you don’t cum
Insisting he’s not gay while describing dates with “beautiful hairy French dudes” who want his unwashed foreskin
If you like piss, pits, poop, and delusion disguised as “lineage work,” this segment is for you.
Segment 2: Jesse Lee Peterson, Hispanics, Trump & Epstein Island
Next up, Tim dives into fresh clips from Jesse Lee Peterson:
Jesse claims “most Hispanics” are dishonest thieves who say “oh, señor” while stealing construction equipment
Argues he doesn’t care about the Epstein files, because “it was their party and they can party if they want to” – even if that party involves underage girls
Measures whether people are “noble” solely by whether they “love Donald Trump”
Somehow maintains a huge right-wing audience despite sounding like a man who can barely operate his own saliva
Tim compares the allegations against Jesse Lee (preying on vulnerable ex-addicts) with his indifference toward Epstein, and wonders how anyone hears this and thinks, “Yes, this is my guy.”
Segment 3: “Bussy” Talk with Thursday Lane
Tim checks in with Thursday Lane, who has just discovered:
“Bussy” = boy pussy, something Distorted View has been screaming about for decades
He’s inventing phrases like “you so bussy” and dreaming up a Disney Channel-style sitcom called “That’s So Bussy” starring a psychic twink with a BBL
Threatens to keep himself “so bussy” that your parents and grandparents will fantasize about tasting his “front or back or both”
It’s pure thirsty chaos.
Segment 4: Pantone’s “Cloud Dancer” – Color of the Year or White Supremacist Beige?
Tim breaks down the online outrage over Pantone naming Cloud Dancer (an off-white shade) as the 2026 Color of the Year:
Twitter/TikTok activists insist white/neutral minimalism is “a dog whistle” and “primetime Klan shit”
Some claim white interiors and minimalist design are inherently racist because they “erase culture”
Tim notes Pantone previously picked “Mocha Moose” (a brown tone) with zero racial discourse and suspects Pantone is rage-baiting on purpose to get attention
Slides in real-life sadness about his own kitchen renovation hell: endless white countertops, discontinued slabs, porcelain vs quartz, ugly vintage tile, subfloor nightmares, and dogs literally eating chunks of the kitchen floor
Segment 5: Virtual Kidnapping Scams & Elderly Parents Falling for AI Videos
In the news portion, Tim covers:
The FBI warning about “virtual kidnapping” scams, where criminals:
Use AI/Photoshop to fake photos of your kids chained up or thrown in a van
Grab images from social media and demand quick ransom via text
Often ask for payment in gift cards and other untraceable methods
The advice to set a family “code word” to confirm real emergencies
Tim’s mom falling for every ridiculous AI video she sees on TikTok, including fake dogs dancing the Macarena and AI clips of Tim on Hollywood Squares
Segment 6: Meth Deposit at the Bank Drive-Thru (Ohio, Of Course)
Finally, a festive story from Ohio:
A man accidentally sends a bag of meth through a bank’s pneumatic tube instead of his paperwork
Bank staff discover the “crystal-like substance” and call police
Deputies track him down, find more drugs, and arrest him
The sheriff trolls with a PSA reminding people they can drop off drugs at the sheriff’s office for safe disposal instead of using the drive-thru
12 Deals of Distorted View Daily – Today’s Promo Code
To keep you from ending it all before Christmas, Tim launches the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily:
Today only:
Grab the new Distorted View phone case (fits major iPhones, Google Pixel, Samsung Galaxy models)
Use promo code CONDOM at checkout and take $5 off
Available now at shop.distortedview.com in the “Fun Stuff” category
Think of it as a cell phone prophylactic with the DV logo plastered all over it.
Support Distorted View Daily
Help keep this NSFW comedy freak show going:
Holiday Sideshow sale:
Monthly: $6.99
Yearly: $66.99
Lifetime: 20%+ off the normal membership price
Sign up at distortedview.com to unlock Sideshow exclusive episodes, including tomorrow’s full-length members-only show
Patreon: support the show at patreon.com/distortedview
Sponsor a show: PayPal $25 to show@distortedview.com and get your own custom listener sponsorship segment
If you’re into gross audio, bizarre internet people, offensive jokes, weird news and listener voicemails, Distorted View Daily is the deeply wrong holiday tradition you’ve been waiting for.