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Episodes
Wednesday May 28, 2025
Wednesday May 28, 2025
On Today's Show:
Episode Overview
Welcome to the Wednesday, May 28, 2025 episode of Distorted View Daily with host Tim Henson. Today’s show is packed with bizarre stories, hilarious audio clips, and updates on the show’s signature absurdity. From a drunk live streamer arguing with a text-to-speech clip to a To Catch a Predator porn parody, this episode is quintessential DV madness.
Segments and Stories
1. Great Moments in Customer Service Phone Calls
Highlight: A profanity-laced rant from an Australian man trying to book a driving test in Victoria. He’s fed up with the bureaucracy and the “cunts” harassing him in Croydon. The call is a chaotic mix of frustration and colorful language.
Quote: “I want to make a boogie for this fucking bullshit so I can shove a piece of paper up the fucking ass that's down here at Croydon's house and say I can drive a car safely.”
2. Ethan Ralph’s Pill Stream Meltdown
Submitted by: Sirosis of Liver (via Discord)
Story: Ethan Ralph, host of The Kill Stream, streams from a shack in Mexico to avoid child support payments. In a drug- and alcohol-fueled stupor, he mistakes a text-to-speech donation (playing a self-help guru clip) for a real person and argues with it for nearly 10 minutes.
Details: Ralph, an alt-right figure, rants about “white children” and berates the non-existent caller, even muting his entire stream in the process. The clip showcases his slurred, unhinged behavior.
Quote: “Tell me right now, bitch. How many white children do you have?”
3. To Catch a Predator Porn Parody
Source: TeenFidelity.com, featured on eFox
Story: A porn parody of To Catch a Predator finally exists, tackling the controversial premise with a mix of humor and explicit content. The setup mimics the original show, with a “pervert” arriving to meet an underage girl, only to be confronted by a Chris Hansen-esque figure. The twist? It’s a porno, so the encounter takes a wild turn.
Details: Features a grandpa character, condom excuses, and a surprising role reversal where the “victim” and camera operator get involved. The parody balances absurdity with the show’s signature sting operation vibe.
Quote: “I brought condoms to make balloon animals for her.”
4. Whitaker Family Update
Story: The infamous inbred Whitaker family from Odd, West Virginia, is back in the news after their mobile home was destroyed in a fire. Filmmaker Mark Leda (Soft White Underbelly) is raising funds via GoFundMe to replace the home.
Details: The family’s living conditions remain dire, with past controversies involving misused GoFundMe money and a hoax death. Ray Whitaker gives a “tour” of the wreckage, communicating mostly in grunts.
GoFundMe: Raised $8,385 so far to clear debris and furnish a new mobile home.
Quote: “Everything is burnt.”
5. Russian Mother Hires Hitman for Daughter
Location: Chayabinsk, Russia
Story: A 46-year-old woman, Svetlana, was arrested for attempting to hire a hitman to drown her 12-year-old daughter in a river for $1,200. The daughter overheard the plot, and the hitman, Andre, refused to follow through, instead hiding the girl and turning himself in.
Details: Svetlana cited “tension” with her daughter as the motive. The girl is now in protective custody with her siblings. Svetlana faces up to 15 years in prison.
Quote: “The problem is every 12-year-old girl is kind of a cunt.”
6. Venezuelan Man Poses as Teen to Enroll in Ohio High School
Location: Perrysburg, Ohio
Story: 24-year-old Anthony Labrador Sierra was arrested for posing as a 16-year-old to enroll in a local high school. He used forged documents, including a Venezuelan birth certificate, to pass as an unaccompanied minor.
Details: The scheme unraveled when the mother of his child provided evidence of his real age. Labrador overstayed his visa and now faces felony forgery charges and ICE custody.
Quote: “When Drew Barrymore does it, it’s a rom-com. When a Venezuelan guy does it, he’s arrested.”
7. Young Thug’s Vocal Style
Story: Tim explores the eccentric vocal style of rapper Young Thug, playing a raw clip of him singing without processing. The result is a chaotic, almost incomprehensible performance.
Details: Young Thug, known for his Grammy-winning work with Childish Gambino, is compared to Tim’s own struggles with fast lyrics.
Quote: “Do you smoke gas? No way. Do you got nuts? No way.”
8. Tim’s Mom Update
Story: Tim shares an update on his mother, Patty Henson, a beloved figure on the show. She recently visited the emergency room due to throat issues and difficulty breathing, only to discover a mass on her thyroid.
Details: The hospital’s lack of urgency frustrates Tim, with a biopsy scheduled for the following Thursday. Despite the scare, Patty was well enough to eat at Arby’s afterward.
Quote: “The Ashtabula Hospital doesn’t even really have delivery rooms. They just send the woman out to a wooded area in the back of a hospital.”
9. Soda News
Caller: Emma
Story: Emma asks if Tim has tried Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola cans. Tim discusses his recent soda adventures, including hating 7-Up Tropical and loving Dr. Pepper Creamy Coconut, which is returning soon.
Quote: “First of all, you don’t even know what suntan lotion tastes like.”
10. Voicemail Corrections and 3D Printing Drama
Caller: Phil VF (Little Baby Faggot)
Story: Phil follows up on a previous call, revealing he 3D-printed anal beads and paddles as “punishment” for his wife’s typo on a door sign. The paddling led to her appendix nearly rupturing, requiring emergency surgery.
Details: Phil humorously laments having to care for his recovering wife, but she’s on the mend.
Quote: “I know a dishwasher can blow out an appendix. That’s always good information to have.”
11. Smartphone History Correction
Caller: Anonymous
Story: A caller disputes Tim’s claim that smartphones existed in the 90s, citing the iPhone’s 2007 release. Tim corrects them, noting IBM’s early 90s smartphone, Ericsson’s 1997 GS88, and BlackBerry and Palm devices pre-iPhone.
Quote: “My mind is a steel trap. You’re the fucktard.”
Sideshow Membership Deal
Offer: A rare mid-year deal on Distorted View Sideshow memberships—$7.50/month or $80/year, saving up to 17%. Includes full-length exclusive episodes and new 10-20 minute bonus segments.
Details: Tim jokingly blames Trump’s tariffs for the podcast’s “financial ruin,” urging listeners to sign up at distortedview.com.
Voicemail and Contact Info
Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Social Media: @distortedview on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com/distortedviewshow
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview (pledge $5+ for priority voicemail playback)
Closing
Tim wraps up with a call to spread the “STD” (Spread The Distortion) and give the show five-star ratings. Sideshow freaks can expect a bonus segment later today and a full exclusive episode on Thursday. Bubble tape, it’s six feet of bubble gum for you, not them!
00:00:00:00
Introduction
00:00:00:00
00:02:31:08
Sketchy Online Tariff Sales
00:00:00:00
00:05:04:19
A Rare Sketchy Summer Sideshow Membership Deal!
00:00:00:00
00:06:09:08
A Mom Henson Health Update
00:00:00:00
00:14:17:13
A Drunk Streamer Arguing With A Sound Clip
00:00:00:00
00:23:26:04
This Ain't To Catch A Predator XXX Parody
00:00:00:00
00:29:05:04
What Does A Rapper Sound Like Unfilitered
00:00:00:00
00:31:56:01
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
00:00:00:00
00:32:31:02
The Inbred Family Blew Up Their Mobile Home
00:00:00:00
00:40:16:20
Hiring A Hitman To Take Out Your Daughter
00:00:00:00
00:43:41:04
Never Been Kissed - Illegal Venezuelan Man Edition
00:00:00:00
00:47:47:21
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
00:00:00:00
Tuesday May 27, 2025
Tuesday May 27, 2025
Tuesday, May 27th, 2025 – Sideshow Exclusive
Happy Tuesday, freaks! On today’s members-only DV extravaganza:
💅 Brew-haha at Starbucks! Baristas are striking over new black shirt dress codes. Tim offers some helpful tips for trans baristas on how to cry less and rage more.
🦷 Lesbians with dietary restrictions! One toothless gal’s chicken strip trauma leads to a teary takedown of a midwestern bar & grill. (#JusticeForDiane?)
🧠 ChadGPT goes rogue! AI threatens to blackmail engineers and snitch on their affairs. Say hello to our sentient overlords.
🚗 Parking rage: A Karen attempts to "save" a metered parking spot with her body and nearly gets keyed for her efforts.
🧾 7-Eleven drawer drama: A grown-ass woman in pigtails wants to count her register, and she will throw hands to make it happen.
🐄 A meaty PSA from Sarah Beck: Deviled ham for the dentally challenged!
🥪 Mayo murder: A Checkers employee shoots a customer over condiment complaints.
🎥 Final Destination IRL: Ceiling collapses mid-screening. Bruised knees, lawyers called.
Monday May 26, 2025
Monday May 26, 2025
🎙 Distorted View Daily: Memorial Day Mini-Episode📅 Monday, May 26, 2025🌐 DistortedView.com
🇺🇸 Happy Memorial Day, freaks! Tim’s coming at ya in Daisy Dukes and dangling testicle fringe to celebrate the holiday with a short but unhinged episode. It’s a gift to America—and to your eyes. Yes, there’s a pic.
🩲 On Today’s Brief Program:
🦅 Tim's tribute to the troops… and his nutsack
🎶 A Winthrop High School “Don’t Say the R Word” musical PSA featuring special vocals and Waluigi-in-a-wheelchair energy
🔊 Tim reflects on offensive language, tard-based suffixes, and his unyielding allegiance to problematic vocabulary
🤐 “FagSposed.com”: A humiliation fetish site where exposed freaks doxx themselves for fun and F.A.G. points
📉 Identity theft made easy, courtesy of submissive diaper-wearing degenerates who want you to ruin their lives (and credit)
🚔 Police Bodycam Mayhem:
A woman found asleep naked in her car after dildo play
“I pissed myself” is her legal defense
Claims of past trauma, legal jargon, and demands to be raped follow
A dildo is the star witness in this courtroom drama
“Shoot me!” “Rape me!” “Can I get raped in jail?”—the hits just keep coming
📸 Today’s Featured Image: Tim’s patriotic cheeks in denim fringe. Freedom has never looked this slutty.
Friday May 23, 2025
Friday May 23, 2025
On Today's Show:
00:00:00
Introduction
01:54:21
Super Mario 3 Music Lyrics
05:00:16
Woman Loses Her Mind Over Her New Low Income Phone
13:20:06
Using AI Legal Representation
16:26:11
The Blow Up Your Chromebook TikTok Challenge
22:32:16
The Global Sexual Assauly Conspiracy w/ Galileo2333
26:25:20
Subcribe To The Sideshow!
28:24:13
Violating Parole Because Your Mouth Was Too Hot
31:51:07
Steakhouse Nut Punch!
35:21:06
More On Diddy's Tootsie Roll Midge Dick
38:57:06
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Friday May 23, 2025
Friday May 23, 2025
🎙️ Distorted View Daily Show Notes – Best of Episode (Originally Aired October 6, 2019)🗓️ Released: Friday, May 23, 2025
Hey freaks, Tim here with a classic DV Best Of to wrap up your week! After a chaotic schedule filled with late uploads and bonus segments, we're capping things off with a listener-suggested gem from 2019—except, it might not be the exact episode suggested… but who cares, because it’s still packed with degeneracy and DV gold.
💥 What’s Inside This Vintage Vomit Bag:
🕵️♂️ "Pedo Nutbuster" Origins: Tim goes undercover on a telephone party line to lure and expose predators using his uncanny underage-girl impression. Includes the debut of the iconic DV drop:“I want to come while I eat your smelly, hairy, wet pussy.”
🎤 Personal Ad Party Line Pandemonium: From a slut named Susan to a daddy with exploding balls, the party line becomes a buffet of degenerates—and Tim’s bait works a little too well.
🧠 Lessons in Vigilante Journalism: Remember, kids: always get your predator to climax after the big reveal.
💅 Dead Dad Nail Art: A bride incorporates her late father’s ashes into her wedding manicure. (Yes, it’s horrifying. Yes, there are bone fragments. Yes, it’s British.)
🐔 The Trans Rooster Crisis: A hen turned rooster turned hen lays an egg and triggers a Facebook meltdown. Meet “Rainbow,” the chicken breaking both shells and gender norms.
🎂 Florida Man’s Birthday Surprise Murder: A father-in-law blasts his son-in-law dead after a surprise gone horribly wrong. No charges. Just Florida being Florida.
📞 Plus: Listener Voicemails Include…
🐈 Lovelady Catlady has a new fan: Tim’s chimney sweep.
💋 Unicorn Hamster gets support despite sounding like a cancerous kazoo.
💣 A secret agent reports on Operation Gina.
👄 A listener’s sinus-hole is now a proposed sex toy.
💸 Support The Show:Become an honorable freak and gain access to thousands of past episodes + exclusive bonus shows at SuperFreakSideshow.com. Or throw us a few clams at patreon.com/distortedview.
🎧 Next Up:A brand-new full-length episode later today + bonus Sideshow content possibly tonight or Saturday!
🔗 Connect with DV:Twitter / Insta: @distortedviewVoicemail: 206-666-4463Email: show@distortedview.comJoin the DV Discord via distortedview.com
🗣️ Spread the Distortion! Tell a friend. Clown a predator. Bust a nut.
Wednesday May 21, 2025
Wednesday May 21, 2025
On Today’s Show:
💥 Slap Fight Carnage: One man’s face swells like a ketchup packet until it literally bursts—blood sprays everywhere and audience members are puking in the parking lot. Just another day in the UFC’s Power Slap League!
👻 A Ghost With a Fat, Hairy Agenda: Will Blunderfield is visited in a dream by a spectral advocate for bushy vaginas. She’s not resting in peace—she’s spreading pussy positivity from the great beyond.
🥇 Competitive Cum Swallowing: The stakes are high and the spunk is thicker than ever in this high-octane EFukt compilation.
🌈 Will Blunderfield Updates: The hummus cannon is primed, the dragon pearls are humming, and the gym bros are unknowingly feeding him their energy (and pre-cum).
🚌 Bus Driver Breakdown: An unpaid fare turns public transit into a public meltdown—complete with “suck my dick” chants and accusations of “white man payments.”
💣 Show-and-Tell Gets Explosive: A WWII grenade makes an unexpected appearance at an elementary school. Cue army bomb squad.
🐕 Kansas Man Bites Dog: Naked man, public bathroom, and dog-ear munching. You know, classic gas station hijinks.
🧠 Wart Porn is a Thing Now: Anal cauliflower, breeding diseased holes, and comments that make even you feel sick.
🎶 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee: A Bon Jovi cover so bad, it blue-balls you before the chorus even hits.
Voicemails from the Freaks:
🖤 Lifetime Sideshow members check in with love, support, and praise for Mama Henson.
🐹 Unicorn Hamster confesses to another secret gay affair—this one fueled by wine, dick, and bad life decisions.
💉 In the News:
Colorado man claims 3,000 fentanyl pills are just for personal use (Judge: “lol no”).
Texas woman smuggles fentanyl in her vagina. It’s the new Flintstones Chewable.
WW2 grenade in a kid’s backpack = ultimate show-and-tell buzzkill.
Kansas man tasered after biting officers and his own dog. Arrested. Dog's fine.
00:00:00
Introduction
00:26:16
Proefessional Slap Fighting
07:33:07
The Tangy Taste Of Jizz Is Not For Everyone
10:04:14
Tasting Your Own Pre-Hummus Straight From The Cannon
12:31:11
Getting A Visit From A Fat Vagina-ed Ghost
15:24:23
Freakout On The Public Busline
19:24:18
Confronting Your Cheating Girlfriend Mid-Blowjob
21:41:18
A Linda Finkle Hall Of Fame Nominee
23:22:22
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
26:05:13
Vaginal Fentanyl Smuggling
30:17:22
An Explosive Show And Tell
33:11:11
Angry Naked Man Found With His Dog In A Public Restroom
39:02:18
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Monday May 19, 2025
Monday May 19, 2025
On Today’s Lightly Toasted Episode:
🔥 Tim returns from a boiling-hot Ashtabula trip to assess his mom’s mysterious medical woes
She’s got heel pain, a raspy voice, and a death wish involving slippery bathtubs
Thyroid drama turns out to be... absolutely nothing. Thank you, cockatoo receptionists.
Tim sets up MyChart for his mom and immediately regrets knowing so much
Landline bill from 1972 somehow costs $100/month — is she calling the Kremlin?
📸 The horrors of solo livestreaming: a British food vlogger is ambushed mid-muckbang and called a “disgusting pig” by a stranger — while ordering more food
🚗 A wild Range Rover crash ends with a deer, a gay accusation, and someone possibly receiving roadhead in a parking lot
“You're a disgusting homosexual, and that’s why I crashed into you and the deer”
Bonus: gay deer theory, explained
💰 Tim suggests vomiting on critics as a form of protest and other Unethical Life Pro Tips
🌡️ Reminder: it's almost June, turn off the goddamn heat!
Mini-Episode Vibes:It's a soft start to the week, but don't miss tomorrow's Sideshow-exclusive full-length show! Sign up now and get access to all the dirty, disgusting, depraved content you’ve been missing.
Monday May 19, 2025
Monday May 19, 2025
On this classic Sideshow-only episode now unlocked for the masses, Tim takes us on a guided tour of “Super Seducer”, the video game designed for dudes who think “no” is just a flirty form of “go on.” We follow along as Tim fails upward through a gauntlet of awkward flirtation, creepy seduction tips, and pickup artistry so bad it should be registered as a sex offense.
✨ In this episode:
🎮 A deep, throbbing dive into Super Seducer, the choose-your-own-adventure game for psychological warfare against women
✈️ An airplane freakout where Cece goes full chaos gremlin on law enforcement
💧A Minnesota man “flavors” his co-worker’s water bottle with weeks of pee after being friendzoned
👠 A woman sues Hamburger Mary’s for $1.5 million after a drag queen beat her in the face with cartoonishly oversized silicone boobs
🐝 A contestant on Naked and Afraid gets stung on the penis by a yellow jacket. Yes, the tip. And yes, we have audio.
Plus: Tim’s microphone meltdown, Cheryl Murkowski returns with a hard clit, voicemails from freaks in Roswell, and a listener confesses their horniness for a synthetic diabetic.