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Dildo-Wielding Woman Falls Asleep Mid-Fap In Her Car

🎙 Distorted View Daily: Memorial Day Mini-Episode📅 Monday, May 26, 2025🌐 DistortedView.com 
🇺🇸 Happy Memorial Day, freaks! Tim’s coming at ya in Daisy Dukes and dangling testicle fringe to celebrate the holiday with a short but unhinged episode. It’s a gift to America—and to your eyes. Yes, there’s a pic.
🩲 On Today’s Brief Program:
🦅 Tim's tribute to the troops… and his nutsack
🎶 A Winthrop High School “Don’t Say the R Word” musical PSA featuring special vocals and Waluigi-in-a-wheelchair energy
🔊 Tim reflects on offensive language, tard-based suffixes, and his unyielding allegiance to problematic vocabulary
🤐 “FagSposed.com”: A humiliation fetish site where exposed freaks doxx themselves for fun and F.A.G. points
📉 Identity theft made easy, courtesy of submissive diaper-wearing degenerates who want you to ruin their lives (and credit)
🚔 Police Bodycam Mayhem:
A woman found asleep naked in her car after dildo play
“I pissed myself” is her legal defense
Claims of past trauma, legal jargon, and demands to be raped follow
A dildo is the star witness in this courtroom drama
“Shoot me!” “Rape me!” “Can I get raped in jail?”—the hits just keep coming
📸 Today’s Featured Image: Tim’s patriotic cheeks in denim fringe. Freedom has never looked this slutty.

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Lesbian Rages Over Her Obama Phone

On Today's Show:
00:00:00
Introduction
01:54:21
Super Mario 3 Music Lyrics
05:00:16
Woman Loses Her Mind Over Her New Low Income Phone
13:20:06
Using AI Legal Representation
16:26:11
The Blow Up Your Chromebook TikTok Challenge
22:32:16
The Global Sexual Assauly Conspiracy w/ Galileo2333
26:25:20
Subcribe To The Sideshow!
28:24:13
Violating Parole Because Your Mouth Was Too Hot
31:51:07
Steakhouse Nut Punch!
35:21:06
More On Diddy's Tootsie Roll Midge Dick
38:57:06
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Calling All Predators: Tim Baits, Traps, and Trolls on a Sex Chat Hotline - BEST OF

🎙️ Distorted View Daily Show Notes – Best of Episode (Originally Aired October 6, 2019)🗓️ Released: Friday, May 23, 2025
Hey freaks, Tim here with a classic DV Best Of to wrap up your week! After a chaotic schedule filled with late uploads and bonus segments, we're capping things off with a listener-suggested gem from 2019—except, it might not be the exact episode suggested… but who cares, because it’s still packed with degeneracy and DV gold.
💥 What’s Inside This Vintage Vomit Bag:
🕵️‍♂️ "Pedo Nutbuster" Origins: Tim goes undercover on a telephone party line to lure and expose predators using his uncanny underage-girl impression. Includes the debut of the iconic DV drop:“I want to come while I eat your smelly, hairy, wet pussy.”
🎤 Personal Ad Party Line Pandemonium: From a slut named Susan to a daddy with exploding balls, the party line becomes a buffet of degenerates—and Tim’s bait works a little too well.
🧠 Lessons in Vigilante Journalism: Remember, kids: always get your predator to climax after the big reveal.
💅 Dead Dad Nail Art: A bride incorporates her late father’s ashes into her wedding manicure. (Yes, it’s horrifying. Yes, there are bone fragments. Yes, it’s British.)
🐔 The Trans Rooster Crisis: A hen turned rooster turned hen lays an egg and triggers a Facebook meltdown. Meet “Rainbow,” the chicken breaking both shells and gender norms.
🎂 Florida Man’s Birthday Surprise Murder: A father-in-law blasts his son-in-law dead after a surprise gone horribly wrong. No charges. Just Florida being Florida.
📞 Plus: Listener Voicemails Include…
🐈 Lovelady Catlady has a new fan: Tim’s chimney sweep.
💋 Unicorn Hamster gets support despite sounding like a cancerous kazoo.
💣 A secret agent reports on Operation Gina.
👄 A listener’s sinus-hole is now a proposed sex toy.
💸 Support The Show:Become an honorable freak and gain access to thousands of past episodes + exclusive bonus shows at SuperFreakSideshow.com. Or throw us a few clams at patreon.com/distortedview.
🎧 Next Up:A brand-new full-length episode later today + bonus Sideshow content possibly tonight or Saturday!
🔗 Connect with DV:Twitter / Insta: @distortedviewVoicemail: 206-666-4463Email: show@distortedview.comJoin the DV Discord via distortedview.com
🗣️ Spread the Distortion! Tell a friend. Clown a predator. Bust a nut.

Curse Of The Fat Pussy Poltergeist

On Today’s Show:
💥 Slap Fight Carnage: One man’s face swells like a ketchup packet until it literally bursts—blood sprays everywhere and audience members are puking in the parking lot. Just another day in the UFC’s Power Slap League!
👻 A Ghost With a Fat, Hairy Agenda: Will Blunderfield is visited in a dream by a spectral advocate for bushy vaginas. She’s not resting in peace—she’s spreading pussy positivity from the great beyond.
🥇 Competitive Cum Swallowing: The stakes are high and the spunk is thicker than ever in this high-octane EFukt compilation.
🌈 Will Blunderfield Updates: The hummus cannon is primed, the dragon pearls are humming, and the gym bros are unknowingly feeding him their energy (and pre-cum).
🚌 Bus Driver Breakdown: An unpaid fare turns public transit into a public meltdown—complete with “suck my dick” chants and accusations of “white man payments.”
💣 Show-and-Tell Gets Explosive: A WWII grenade makes an unexpected appearance at an elementary school. Cue army bomb squad.
🐕 Kansas Man Bites Dog: Naked man, public bathroom, and dog-ear munching. You know, classic gas station hijinks.
🧠 Wart Porn is a Thing Now: Anal cauliflower, breeding diseased holes, and comments that make even you feel sick.
🎶 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee: A Bon Jovi cover so bad, it blue-balls you before the chorus even hits.
Voicemails from the Freaks:
🖤 Lifetime Sideshow members check in with love, support, and praise for Mama Henson.
🐹 Unicorn Hamster confesses to another secret gay affair—this one fueled by wine, dick, and bad life decisions.
💉 In the News:
Colorado man claims 3,000 fentanyl pills are just for personal use (Judge: “lol no”).
Texas woman smuggles fentanyl in her vagina. It’s the new Flintstones Chewable.
WW2 grenade in a kid’s backpack = ultimate show-and-tell buzzkill.
Kansas man tasered after biting officers and his own dog. Arrested. Dog's fine.
00:00:00
Introduction
00:26:16
Proefessional Slap Fighting
07:33:07
The Tangy Taste Of Jizz Is Not For Everyone
10:04:14
Tasting Your Own  Pre-Hummus Straight From The Cannon
12:31:11
Getting A Visit From A Fat Vagina-ed Ghost
15:24:23
Freakout On The Public Busline
19:24:18
Confronting Your Cheating Girlfriend Mid-Blowjob
21:41:18
A Linda Finkle Hall Of Fame Nominee
23:22:22
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
26:05:13
Vaginal Fentanyl Smuggling
30:17:22
An Explosive Show And Tell
33:11:11
Angry Naked Man Found With His Dog In A Public Restroom
39:02:18
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Rear Ended For Gaying Too Loudly

On Today’s Lightly Toasted Episode:
🔥 Tim returns from a boiling-hot Ashtabula trip to assess his mom’s mysterious medical woes
She’s got heel pain, a raspy voice, and a death wish involving slippery bathtubs
Thyroid drama turns out to be... absolutely nothing. Thank you, cockatoo receptionists.
Tim sets up MyChart for his mom and immediately regrets knowing so much
Landline bill from 1972 somehow costs $100/month — is she calling the Kremlin?
📸 The horrors of solo livestreaming: a British food vlogger is ambushed mid-muckbang and called a “disgusting pig” by a stranger — while ordering more food
🚗 A wild Range Rover crash ends with a deer, a gay accusation, and someone possibly receiving roadhead in a parking lot
“You're a disgusting homosexual, and that’s why I crashed into you and the deer”
Bonus: gay deer theory, explained
💰 Tim suggests vomiting on critics as a form of protest and other Unethical Life Pro Tips
🌡️ Reminder: it's almost June, turn off the goddamn heat!
Mini-Episode Vibes:It's a soft start to the week, but don't miss tomorrow's Sideshow-exclusive full-length show! Sign up now and get access to all the dirty, disgusting, depraved content you’ve been missing.

How Not to Get Laid: The Super Seducer Experience

On this classic Sideshow-only episode now unlocked for the masses, Tim takes us on a guided tour of “Super Seducer”, the video game designed for dudes who think “no” is just a flirty form of “go on.” We follow along as Tim fails upward through a gauntlet of awkward flirtation, creepy seduction tips, and pickup artistry so bad it should be registered as a sex offense.
✨ In this episode:
🎮 A deep, throbbing dive into Super Seducer, the choose-your-own-adventure game for psychological warfare against women
✈️ An airplane freakout where Cece goes full chaos gremlin on law enforcement
💧A Minnesota man “flavors” his co-worker’s water bottle with weeks of pee after being friendzoned
👠 A woman sues Hamburger Mary’s for $1.5 million after a drag queen beat her in the face with cartoonishly oversized silicone boobs
🐝 A contestant on Naked and Afraid gets stung on the penis by a yellow jacket. Yes, the tip. And yes, we have audio.
Plus: Tim’s microphone meltdown, Cheryl Murkowski returns with a hard clit, voicemails from freaks in Roswell, and a listener confesses their horniness for a synthetic diabetic.

Teacher Known as “Mr. Pedophile” Busted For...Well, You Know...

On Today's Show:
💥 When your work nickname is Mr. Pedophile, it might be time for a new profession… or, you know, prison.
💊 A redneck meltdown at CVS: “Only queer pharmacists give out gel caps!” Real men take tablets, apparently.
🎮 Nintendo nerds discover a controller pairing sound and lose their collective minds. (It’s just beeps, you virgins.)
🧠 TikTok Munchausen Update™: Deaf, autistic, Hispanic, Jewish… and now, wheelchair-bound! Collect 'em all!
💡 Dating for Smash Bros. fans—what could possibly go wrong? (Spoiler: Nintendo lawyers happened.)
🚗 Drunk woman stuck in a ditch refuses to give up, flees, and becomes an accidental NASCAR driver before the cops smash her window and learn her name is... Awesome Blossom.
🎵 Musical Moments:
✝️ Jesus vs. Satan slam poetry
🎶 A soulful ballad about anime girls and their “big fat tits”
🎵 The unofficial Wii Shop theme remix that may or may not land Tim in IP jail
🧴 Also in this Episode:
👮 Police bodycam insanity featuring a screeching, confused DUI suspect who may or may not work for the police department herself.
🐷 A massage parlor in Florida lives up to every sleazy stereotype and then some. Customers walked in for a back rub and walked out molested.
🐷 Pig Norm update! He’s still alive, still suckling from tit cups, and still being the hero we don’t deserve.
📞 Listener Voicemails:
🎁 A mysterious package is en route to Tim’s P.O. Box
🏠 Listeners buy houses, travel the world, and offer Tim a couch (or blowie)
🎙️ Soundbite suggestions: "He nutted on my leg" joins the intro clip pool!
📢 Programming Note:
🚗 Tim’s heading to Ashtabula, so Monday will feature a Best Of episode. New content will drop later in the day—stay tuned!
💸 Support the Show:
💎 Sign up for the Sideshow! Get full-length exclusive episodes every week!
🍏 Subscribe via Apple Podcasts or Spotify (search Distorted View Daily inside the app for bonus access).
🤑 Patreon.com/distortedview – pledge and get special voicemail privileges!
📬 Mailbag & Contact:✉️ show@distortedview.com📬 P.O. Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH-GOD)
Quote of the Day:
"Don't fucking douche my fucking legs!" – Drunk Ditch Lady, 2025
 
00:00:00
Introduction
01:54:16
Adult Nintendo Fans Are Weird
07:10:11
Adult Pokemon Dorks Are The Worst Too
10:07:11
The Most Annoying Internet Illness Faker Is Driving Me Crazy
13:55:16
Panic At The Pharmacy Over Gelcaps
16:31:09
Drunk Woman Stuck In A Ditch
26:24:05
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
27:39:00
Super Smash Dating
31:28:08
Your Teacher Today Will Be Mr. Pedophile
36:42:10
Getting Naked With Your Massage Clients
41:15:19
Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Her Titty Milk Brought All the Creeps to the Yard

On the show today:
🧼 The shocking story of a woman too “disabled” to brush her teeth—but not too disabled to record 75 TikToks a day begging for cash
💥 When street festivals go too far: a woman GTA’s her way through a parade route because she had to get to work
📱 Phone screen repairs turn into hostage negotiations
💸 Capitalism is evil… unless it means getting free money from followers
🐮 Amazon delivery driver drops more than just packages on customers' lawns—happy Mother’s Day!
☕️ A Greek woman asks ChatGPT to read her husband’s coffee grounds. The AI accuses him of cheating. Divorce ensues.
👶 A man films a woman breastfeeding on a bus, justifying it by shouting, “I’m English!” (bold move, perv)
🎵 Four new Linda Finkel Hall of Fame nominees, including:
Depressing spoken-word music therapy
A Tears in Heaven duet no one asked for
Rayon Bass, the lo-fi king of creepy croons
A Linkin Park cover that emotionally collapses on impact
🧙‍♂️ Plus:
Tim gets a palm reading from ChatGPT and is told he’ll possibly live a long life—how reassuring!
Discussion of knitters with ‘tude: Cincinnati’s KWA, straight outta Joann’s!
Voicemails from freaks who only call in to correct Tim’s tiny mistakes. You monsters.
🔒 Sideshow Freaks get even more content with a bonus segment later today and a full-length exclusive episode dropping tomorrow! Support the show and sign up now at ⁠distortedview.com⁠!
00:00:00
 Introduction
02:43:06
 My Problems With Parades, Festivals, And Fun
05:49:13
 Woman Drives Through Street Fair
09:43:24
 Idiot Child Gets Locked In Store After Theft Attempt
14:50:01
 Too Disabled To Brush Teeth And Shower
20:45:00
 Linda Finkle Hall Of Famers
26:38:12
 Sign Up For The Sideshow!
29:17:01
 Amazon Mother's Day Turd Delivery
32:12:12
 Fortune Telling AI Convinces Woman To Divorce
36:01:24
 Chat-GPT Gives Me Palm Reading
38:30:09
 Recording Women Breastfeeding In Public For Da Spank Bank 
42:36:24
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending