Episodes
Monday Oct 27, 2025
Monday Oct 27, 2025
On Today's Show:
00:00:00
Cool Band / Pop Culture Wear - OldGlory.Com
00:19:09
Introduction
02:30:01
Go Buy DV Listener Isaac's Book: The Porch Pirate Killer
04:23:01
Lemon Water Nearly Killed Meade Skelton
11:45:00
Teacher Gets Fired On First Day Of School For Filming
17:28:19
Tenant Vs. Doorman
22:25:15
If You're Going To Protest, Don't Be A Mush-Mouth
25:04:16
"Pussy Bald, I Keep My Bitch On Chemo" And Other Rap Brilliance
27:22:21
Get 15% Off At OldGlory.Com - Promo Code: FREAK
28:44:01
Support Distorted View
30:32:15
Public Toilet Needle Warning
35:02:19
The Skeleton's Are At The Spooky Strip Club Again
40:42:16
A Daylight Savings Rant
42:18:17
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Friday Oct 24, 2025
Friday Oct 24, 2025
On Today's Show:
00:00:02
25% Off At QuantumSquares.Com - Promo Code FREAK
00:50:19
Introduction
02:18:11
Sponsor Raphael's Instatard Found A Cure For Cancer
11:10:06
Who Is This On The Phone?
13:44:09
Woman Pisses On The Police Station Floor
19:07:14
Baby Andy Is Lost In The City
22:18:14
Marker 7
23:48:17
Insane Keanu Reeves Fan Tries To Climb In His Car
25:43:17
Who Is White: With Nick Fuentes
29:47:20
QuantumSquares.Com - 25% Off! Promo Code FREAK
31:10:11
Support Distorted View Daily
33:11:12
Full Locked And Loaded Doritos
38:00:05
Luigi Mangione - Top Hentai Pokemon Card Collector?
42:31:17
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Wednesday Oct 22, 2025
Wednesday Oct 22, 2025
00:00:00
AdamAndEve.Com Promo Code: FREAK - Get 50% Just About Any Item
01:06:02
Introduction
03:17:16
Listener Sponsor: German Guy
06:13:21
Reactions To Meade Skelton's Recent Livestream Meltdown(s)
12:53:19
The Three Types Of Fat People (Fategories)
20:57:04
King Ass Ripper / Fat Glutton Love His Mayo
26:35:12
Father of Year's Ode To Child Protective Services
29:52:15
Last Call For 50% Off At AdamAndEve - Promo Code: FREAK
32:17:02
Support Distorted View Daily
38:41:00
Butt Breathing Breakthrough!
42:49:15
Non-German Scat
46:47:08
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Monday Oct 20, 2025
Monday Oct 20, 2025
00:00:00
Sponsor: QuantumSquares.com - Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK
00:19:20
Introduction
02:21:11
What The Hell Does This Listener Sponsor Want?
03:26:08
The Wheel Of Misery Returns
07:39:11
A New DV Number To Remember: 4-HAIRYCUNT
12:34:06
Let's Time Travel To Murder Jesus
29:26:24
QuantumSquares.Com - Protein And Caffeine Packed Delicious Squares
30:48:01
Goon Out With DV - Support The Show
32:57:22
Gas Pumps Make A Great Asshole Scratcher
37:53:18
Legal Sized Toilet Paper!
41:43:15
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Friday Oct 17, 2025
Friday Oct 17, 2025
ponsor: Old Glory — use code FREAK for 15% off at OldGlory.com
A Houston ICU nurse gets a DWI and goes full Racist Nurse Ratched in the back of a squad car—then gets canned.
Alexis K. Tyler’s latest live: generational drama, GWP (grown-woman pussy), “jack-o’-lantern” Halloween energy, and… uh… spirits in the crotch.
Parking-lot standoff: too-big truck, too-small patience, zero solutions.
Valentina Gomez drops an “America First” rap (chorus written by a placeholder).
Two AI messes: a Florida “virtual rape” hoax with an AI-generated attacker photo, and Reddit Answers telling people to try kratom… and even heroin… for pain. Great job, robots.
Bits & bobs: a dramatic AI “rape” radio play, laundry snitching via LG Wi-Fi, Lord Douche’s overnight cannonball run from FL → Cincinnati.
Content warning: NSFW language, sexual content, racism, and general DV-level filth.
Wesley is looking for:
The industrial-grade fuck-machine clip (he thought 9/24/25 ~15:00—probably wrong ep).
The porn star who says, “Baby, I just came my face off so hard.”
The movie containing: “You clamp down on that dick and you bite it off!” — likely a 1970s sexploitation/blaxploitation/horror scene with a sadistic, simple-minded captor forcing a couple to have sex.
Know any of this? Email show@distortedview.com with links, titles, timecodes.
Houston ICU nurse crashes, rides the back seat, and unspools: “I’ll let you die,” “I’m white,” accent insults, Jesus hymns vs. hallelujah blaring.
Outcome: Employer Memorial Hermann Greater Heights terminates; DWI charge; “under review.”
DV verdict: Racist, drunk, and very employable… elsewhere.
Themes: younger dudes, GWP, pizza-delivery decoys, multi-gen triangle drama, black magic, and “spirits in the pussy.”
Classic AKT quotables: “Halloween trick-or-treat pussy,” “multi-generational cock and balls,” trance-state snake-pussy gyrations.
Confusing? Yes. DV-worthy? Absolutely.
Oversized truck noses past the line, blocks a load-in, ethnicity discourse ensues, pit bull is threatened as a negotiating tactic.
Resolution: none. (They may still be there.)
Bars about Hunter’s laptop, BLM, gun rights.
Hook: “America first” x 100.
DV take: When the feature sounds more professional than the candidate, you’ve already lost.
Florida “Virtual Rape” Hoax: Woman claims assault; produces “attacker” pic later ID’d as AI-generated and pre-dated the event in her phone’s deleted folder. Charged with false report; released on bond. Expect this on SVU by sweeps week.
Reddit Answers Goes Full D.A.R.E. Fail: On r/FamilyMedicine, Reddit’s AI feature surfaced “related answers” that suggested kratom for pain and referenced heroin in management contexts. After press and mod complaints, Reddit tweaked safeguards. Moral: Don’t crowdsource your medical degree from a punchline generator.
“How to Get Raped by AI”: Tim vs. a horny algorithm. Oscar-worthy foley.
Old Glory ad: 300k+ licensed items (music/sports/TV). Code FREAK = 15% off.
Sideshow: more bonus segments + full exclusives. Join at distortedview.com (Spotify users: subscribe inside Spotify).
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — $5+ tier gets a priority voicemail line.
Sponsor an episode: $25 via PayPal to show@distortedview.com (or paypal.me/distortedview).
Domestic update: LG washer rats Tim out via Wi-Fi; Lord Douche sprint-drives home in a rental like it’s the Cannonball Run.
“Monkey” birthday song discourse: many callers say it was an equal-opportunity roast in their schools.
Pilonidal cyst horror story: home lancing, peanut-butter goo, surgical crater maintenance. (Invest in a handheld shower.)
Sacral dimple follow-ups: common in infants, usually benign; keep clean and monitor.
On Today’s ShowListener Sponsor Ask: Help Wesley!Main Segments1) Body Cam Gold: “Greater Heights, bitch.”2) Alexis K. Tyler’s Psychic Carousel3) Parking Lot War (No One Moves, Everyone Yells)4) Valentina Gomez, Rapper NowTwo Quick News StoriesSketch BreakHousekeeping & Life StuffVoicemails (Highlights)
Wednesday Oct 15, 2025
Wednesday Oct 15, 2025
00:00:00
Introduction
00:00:00
Wednesday Movie Matinee
00:18:14
QuantumSquares.Com Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK
00:38:04
Introduction
02:07:18
Today's DV Listener Sponsor: Brandon!
03:06:17
What Is your Masturbation Number?
06:27:00
Tim Henson Fit N' Lean
10:39:13
Big Douche Is Watching My Appliance Usage
15:30:04
Trans-Wheelchair User Tips And Tricks
19:48:22
Andrew Cuomo Gets Heckled
21:51:01
Parking Lot Altercation Gets Racist
26:38:01
QuantumSquares.Com - Promo Code: FREAK - 25% OFF
28:37:17
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
30:02:10
ChatGPT Will Get Real Nasty With You Soon
33:35:17
Stabbing At The Checkout Lane
38:28:10
Jordan Peterson Thanks Today's Sponsor
39:36:11
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Monday Oct 13, 2025
Monday Oct 13, 2025
On Today’s Show
Which one of Tim’s siblings has a… bonus hole?
Why winning the lottery might be the fastest way to wreck your life
A police standoff settled with a Dairy Queen Blizzard
“Helping a duck get away with murder” (a dramatic reading!)
Voicemails galore
Cold Open / Soundboard Chaos
A vintage-style talk-radio mashup veers into conspiracy screeds, culture-war nonsense, and extremely ill-advised “solutions,” before we kick into DV proper.
Tim’s Life Update: Mom & the KFC Gauntlet
Patricia update: Successful thyroid/lymph node surgery at Cleveland Clinic (huge relief). Big kudos for their signage, workflow, and real-time status board/text updates.
Rant: Cleveland Clinic eateries = wall-to-wall “zero sugar” sodas, while everything else is sugar bombs. Make it make sense.
KFC mobile order hell: Tim vs. “ghost-town” staffing, a mobile order held hostage behind the counter, and the frailest customer in Ohio wheezing through the lobby. Tim’s patience (and germ avoidance) are tested; the chicken ultimately reaches Patricia.
Family Waiting-Room Confessional: “Bonus Hole” Brother
Craig casually drops: “Dad said I was born with a tail… also I kinda have an extra hole.”
Tim Googles live on the scene: likely sacral dimple (usually harmless if shallow; red flags if deep, draining, painful, or hairy). Possible pilonidal situation if it’s a deep pit; worth a doctor’s look.
Tim really wants to “examine” the evidence; nearby stranger nopes out of the conversation.
DV Listener Sponsorship: A One-Page Play
Sponsor: “Brokeback Listener” (long-time DV degenerate since 2008)Bit: Tim performs “Rogering Mrs. Rabbit” as Timmy Hopps with Rodder Pay portraying Lord Duck.Premise: Love, crime, and a three-foot murder weapon in a shrub. Also: moral calculus between a promised BJ and a $1.5M reward. Theatre is alive and well, unfortunately.
Today’s News Buffet
The Curse of Sudden RichesA UK scratch-off winner hits ~£1M+, quits the job, parties nonstop, and ends up hospitalized with bilateral pulmonary emboli. Near-death wake-up call → vows to rebuild routine and health. Tim’s advice: if you “only” win ~$1–2M, live below your means and keep structure.
DQ DiplomacyWashington state: an arson suspect on meth leads cops on a chase, then demands Dairy Queen as a surrender condition. Negotiators deliver a Blizzard + burger (by robot!), and the standoff ends. Tim’s take: if you’ve got leverage, aim higher than soft-serve.
Florida Clip: “Happy Birthday… You Look Like a—”
Elementary teacher sings the “zoo/monkey” jokey alt-birthday song to a Black student. Mom furious; district investigating.
Tim’s stance: teacher’s oblivious, not malicious; still wildly tone-deaf in 2025. Also: pick literally any other two-syllable animal.
Ads & Housekeeping
Good Feels — THC seltzer & drops: FREAK = 20% off at shop.getgoodfeels.com (21+)
Sideshow: Bonus segments return today. Full-length Sideshow-only show tomorrow. Join at distortedview.com / superfreaksideshow.com.
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — $5+ tiers get the priority voicemail line.
Sponsor an Episode: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com) — include your message/bit/clip request.
Voicemails
Unicorn Hamster: Market tip for Gen Z—master oral skills, reap repeat business.
Dang Tim: Horror Nights line with a “very sick” real baby flopping like a doll—neck support not included.
Click-to-Cancel follow-up: Planet Fitness charges persist; proposed solution: unleash German Guy to pester them into submission (still need in-person cancels, allegedly).
Friday Oct 10, 2025
Friday Oct 10, 2025
On Today's Show:
1) Meade Skelton: From “frenemy” to cursed
Email from Meade: will no longer write songs for DV due to “spiritual issue.”
Tim responds with gay-witch curses:
Baldness hex (“From widow’s peak to naked crown…”)
Erectile dysfunction (“soft as a wet limp noodle”)
Theory: Meade blames DV for tummy/health woes; Tim vows double-down mockery.
2) The Bait Rapper You Didn’t Know You Needed
BaitBanditXL (SoundCloud): “Beat That Dick Up,” “A Masturbator’s Morning,” plus “gas station bait” recordings.
Gooning lexicon, “All hail penis” chants; album teased: Chronicles of a Baiter.
Hat tip: TylerSaurusRex (Discord).
3) Snoop Dogg x Warringah Park School (Melbourne)
Album series: Radio On (school records yearly since 2014).
Tracks sampled:
“Every Day We Grow” (aspiration litany)
“Drip” featuring Snoop Dogg (light verse; “Rowenga/Warringah Park” shout)
From older albums: “I’m Positive,” “Sausage and Onions,” and the “Hello Song.”
Tim’s take: surprisingly catchy; “Hello Song” could out-Meade DV theme quality.
Thanks to Herbie (Discord) for the tip.
4) Retail Rumble: Dollar Tree Meltdown
Customer claims she was skipped; proceeds to trash displays, hurl merch, and kick racks in slippers.
Tim: damage ≤ $25; “airfare has become too affordable” energy.
5) Micro-Update: Tammy Hull (EBT Fart Card Lady)
Still posting lives, sovereign-citizen vibes, FBI rants, pixel-mushed video.
Full report soon; for now, quick clips and status check.
News Buffet (Quick Hits)
Florida Man… but Make It Menstruation
Volusia County: firefighter Gabrielle Franze accused of stalking/harassment—dumped ~75 red/“possibly used” tampons on ex’s lawn after he started dating.
Claimed they painted tampons red with mom & aunt’s help; charged with misdemeanors.
Tim: “Match the DNA,” Aunt Flo jokes, “period-pussy” throwback.
American Airlines: Duct-Tape Season
Ketty J. DeLone (47) allegedly threatened crew, screamed “kill yourself, bitch,” confessed childhood roach-poison attempt on dad; restrained with flex cuffs + duct tape mid-flight CLT → LAS.
Prior DR selfie with evil-eye emoji; now facing federal charges.
Listener Voicemails
Dank Tim: Cable ads do repeat back-to-back (even double MyPillow). Tim retracts old take.
Parking discourse: “Expecting mother,” “clean-energy,” “veterans” spots → generally not enforceable like handicapped (but private property = towing risk).
Challenger memory: TVs wheeled in, explosion, school pretended nothing happened; Tim counters with his “we iced a driver” bus story for trauma-top-trumps.
Blanche (Austin): Hates his boss; violent fantasies; Tim jokes about expired rat poison callback.