Episodes
Wednesday Oct 15, 2025
Wednesday Oct 15, 2025
00:00:00
Introduction
00:00:00
Wednesday Movie Matinee
00:18:14
QuantumSquares.Com Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK
00:38:04
Introduction
02:07:18
Today's DV Listener Sponsor: Brandon!
03:06:17
What Is your Masturbation Number?
06:27:00
Tim Henson Fit N' Lean
10:39:13
Big Douche Is Watching My Appliance Usage
15:30:04
Trans-Wheelchair User Tips And Tricks
19:48:22
Andrew Cuomo Gets Heckled
21:51:01
Parking Lot Altercation Gets Racist
26:38:01
QuantumSquares.Com - Promo Code: FREAK - 25% OFF
28:37:17
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
30:02:10
ChatGPT Will Get Real Nasty With You Soon
33:35:17
Stabbing At The Checkout Lane
38:28:10
Jordan Peterson Thanks Today's Sponsor
39:36:11
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending
Monday Oct 13, 2025
Monday Oct 13, 2025
On Today’s Show
Which one of Tim’s siblings has a… bonus hole?
Why winning the lottery might be the fastest way to wreck your life
A police standoff settled with a Dairy Queen Blizzard
“Helping a duck get away with murder” (a dramatic reading!)
Voicemails galore
Cold Open / Soundboard Chaos
A vintage-style talk-radio mashup veers into conspiracy screeds, culture-war nonsense, and extremely ill-advised “solutions,” before we kick into DV proper.
Tim’s Life Update: Mom & the KFC Gauntlet
Patricia update: Successful thyroid/lymph node surgery at Cleveland Clinic (huge relief). Big kudos for their signage, workflow, and real-time status board/text updates.
Rant: Cleveland Clinic eateries = wall-to-wall “zero sugar” sodas, while everything else is sugar bombs. Make it make sense.
KFC mobile order hell: Tim vs. “ghost-town” staffing, a mobile order held hostage behind the counter, and the frailest customer in Ohio wheezing through the lobby. Tim’s patience (and germ avoidance) are tested; the chicken ultimately reaches Patricia.
Family Waiting-Room Confessional: “Bonus Hole” Brother
Craig casually drops: “Dad said I was born with a tail… also I kinda have an extra hole.”
Tim Googles live on the scene: likely sacral dimple (usually harmless if shallow; red flags if deep, draining, painful, or hairy). Possible pilonidal situation if it’s a deep pit; worth a doctor’s look.
Tim really wants to “examine” the evidence; nearby stranger nopes out of the conversation.
DV Listener Sponsorship: A One-Page Play
Sponsor: “Brokeback Listener” (long-time DV degenerate since 2008)Bit: Tim performs “Rogering Mrs. Rabbit” as Timmy Hopps with Rodder Pay portraying Lord Duck.Premise: Love, crime, and a three-foot murder weapon in a shrub. Also: moral calculus between a promised BJ and a $1.5M reward. Theatre is alive and well, unfortunately.
Today’s News Buffet
The Curse of Sudden RichesA UK scratch-off winner hits ~£1M+, quits the job, parties nonstop, and ends up hospitalized with bilateral pulmonary emboli. Near-death wake-up call → vows to rebuild routine and health. Tim’s advice: if you “only” win ~$1–2M, live below your means and keep structure.
DQ DiplomacyWashington state: an arson suspect on meth leads cops on a chase, then demands Dairy Queen as a surrender condition. Negotiators deliver a Blizzard + burger (by robot!), and the standoff ends. Tim’s take: if you’ve got leverage, aim higher than soft-serve.
Florida Clip: “Happy Birthday… You Look Like a—”
Elementary teacher sings the “zoo/monkey” jokey alt-birthday song to a Black student. Mom furious; district investigating.
Tim’s stance: teacher’s oblivious, not malicious; still wildly tone-deaf in 2025. Also: pick literally any other two-syllable animal.
Ads & Housekeeping
Good Feels — THC seltzer & drops: FREAK = 20% off at shop.getgoodfeels.com (21+)
Sideshow: Bonus segments return today. Full-length Sideshow-only show tomorrow. Join at distortedview.com / superfreaksideshow.com.
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — $5+ tiers get the priority voicemail line.
Sponsor an Episode: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com) — include your message/bit/clip request.
Voicemails
Unicorn Hamster: Market tip for Gen Z—master oral skills, reap repeat business.
Dang Tim: Horror Nights line with a “very sick” real baby flopping like a doll—neck support not included.
Click-to-Cancel follow-up: Planet Fitness charges persist; proposed solution: unleash German Guy to pester them into submission (still need in-person cancels, allegedly).
Friday Oct 10, 2025
Friday Oct 10, 2025
On Today's Show:
1) Meade Skelton: From “frenemy” to cursed
Email from Meade: will no longer write songs for DV due to “spiritual issue.”
Tim responds with gay-witch curses:
Baldness hex (“From widow’s peak to naked crown…”)
Erectile dysfunction (“soft as a wet limp noodle”)
Theory: Meade blames DV for tummy/health woes; Tim vows double-down mockery.
2) The Bait Rapper You Didn’t Know You Needed
BaitBanditXL (SoundCloud): “Beat That Dick Up,” “A Masturbator’s Morning,” plus “gas station bait” recordings.
Gooning lexicon, “All hail penis” chants; album teased: Chronicles of a Baiter.
Hat tip: TylerSaurusRex (Discord).
3) Snoop Dogg x Warringah Park School (Melbourne)
Album series: Radio On (school records yearly since 2014).
Tracks sampled:
“Every Day We Grow” (aspiration litany)
“Drip” featuring Snoop Dogg (light verse; “Rowenga/Warringah Park” shout)
From older albums: “I’m Positive,” “Sausage and Onions,” and the “Hello Song.”
Tim’s take: surprisingly catchy; “Hello Song” could out-Meade DV theme quality.
Thanks to Herbie (Discord) for the tip.
4) Retail Rumble: Dollar Tree Meltdown
Customer claims she was skipped; proceeds to trash displays, hurl merch, and kick racks in slippers.
Tim: damage ≤ $25; “airfare has become too affordable” energy.
5) Micro-Update: Tammy Hull (EBT Fart Card Lady)
Still posting lives, sovereign-citizen vibes, FBI rants, pixel-mushed video.
Full report soon; for now, quick clips and status check.
News Buffet (Quick Hits)
Florida Man… but Make It Menstruation
Volusia County: firefighter Gabrielle Franze accused of stalking/harassment—dumped ~75 red/“possibly used” tampons on ex’s lawn after he started dating.
Claimed they painted tampons red with mom & aunt’s help; charged with misdemeanors.
Tim: “Match the DNA,” Aunt Flo jokes, “period-pussy” throwback.
American Airlines: Duct-Tape Season
Ketty J. DeLone (47) allegedly threatened crew, screamed “kill yourself, bitch,” confessed childhood roach-poison attempt on dad; restrained with flex cuffs + duct tape mid-flight CLT → LAS.
Prior DR selfie with evil-eye emoji; now facing federal charges.
Listener Voicemails
Dank Tim: Cable ads do repeat back-to-back (even double MyPillow). Tim retracts old take.
Parking discourse: “Expecting mother,” “clean-energy,” “veterans” spots → generally not enforceable like handicapped (but private property = towing risk).
Challenger memory: TVs wheeled in, explosion, school pretended nothing happened; Tim counters with his “we iced a driver” bus story for trauma-top-trumps.
Blanche (Austin): Hates his boss; violent fantasies; Tim jokes about expired rat poison callback.
Wednesday Oct 08, 2025
Wednesday Oct 08, 2025
Main Segments
1) Brad Carter Prank-Crimes… featuring “Tim Henson from Distorted View”
Snow Plow Show Ep. 889: “The Dings Are Never Ending.”
Brad keeps name-dropping Tim during fake “dinged your car” calls in Cincinnati, alleging Tim was handcuffed to a side mirror and tried to Slim-Jim a car for loose change.
Callers threaten lawsuits; Brad doubles down by repeating “Tim Henson… Distorted View.”
Tim’s take: thanks(?) for the promo, but also: I’M NOT INVOLVED, YOUR HONOR.
(Tim will link the Snow Plow Show episode in the post.)
2) Bodycam Gold: “I Work for an Alarm Company… I Don’t Have a Job”
Bank calls cops on a kid trying to cash a $7,000 check; says a guy named “Cuba” mailed it.
Can’t recall the company, deletes the DMs, sudden nausea on command, asks if he’s going to jail (answer: probably).
Charged with passing a forged check; $5,000 bond. Tim’s verdict: Steven Seagal-tier acting.
3) Stephen Dawson vs. The Photoshoppers
Furious rant about people pasting faces onto his body and vice versa; threats, sputters, and accusations of garden-hose bum play (denied).
Tim: “Strong words from a very agitated Stephen.”
4) Tay-Tay’s “Good Wood” (Satire, calm down, Swifties)
Fake-news pop desk: Taylor’s album “The Life of a Showgirl” includes a cheeky track “Wood.”
Tim premieres his parody earworm: “Good Wood.”
Lyrical themes: Redwoods, keys opening thighs, ‘amatized’ (allegedly).
Additional faux-feud gossip with Charli XCX (tongue-in-cheek).
5) Bizarre Crime: “We Love Jesus” Kidnapper Sentenced
UK case: James Beckett (38) abducts two kids for 18 hours, forcing chants like “We are safe / We love Jesus.”
Rants about 13 months in a year, energy protection; strands them in rural Devon after running out of gas.
Recognized from a police appeal; arrested; later pleads guilty.
Sentence: 12 months (serve ~40%), 5-year restraining order.
Quickies
Dyslexic fireman ironically starts a fire.
Tim dusts off the Access Entertainment Hollywood News Insider Report Extra Edition stinger (RIP half the celeb list).
Community & Voicemails
Today’s hotline is basically Unicorn Hamster FM:
80s video store nostalgia: “Video Dimensions / Video Haven / Video Paradise” vs. Tim’s Starlight Video (no porn room!).
Gaming future & VR porn: Cartridges dying? AR glasses if they stop looking like bug-eyed ski masks. Tim’s Meta Quest collects dust—except for that one demo with Lord Douche.
Chinese buffet field report: authentic background muzak.
Self-promo king: Unicorn Hamster reminds the Discord he’s posted lingerie pics (uh… join responsibly).
Rando caller scolds Unicorn; Unicorn calls again. (Circle of life.)
Monday Oct 06, 2025
Monday Oct 06, 2025
🌿 Show Sponsor
Today’s episode is brought to you by Good Feels, the THC-infused seltzer that keeps you mellow without the hangover. High-flavored sips for a feel-good buzz. Zero calories, zero sugar, zero alcohol—just promo code FREAK for 20% off - https://shop.getgoodfeels.com/
🎙️ On Today’s Episode
Frankie the Antisemitic Vampire:Frankie McDonald rises from the dead—fangs in, brain out—as he delivers what might be the most unholy weather report ever recorded. Tim gives his take on “cancelled Frankie” and imagines what his antisemitic vampire manifesto might sound like.
Sagittarius Shawty vs. the Johns:Your favorite plus-size Canadian escort is back with another tale of canceled clients, scam accusations, and sexual restrictions galore. Tim analyzes her customer service skills (or lack thereof) and gives a hilarious “how to be a better prostitute” masterclass.🐰 Featuring: the infamous rabbit that’s always “shitting everywhere” and why Sag refuses to offer water to guests.
Hate Preacher Meltdown:From an Indianapolis pulpit comes a fiery sermon that starts with Jesus and ends with homicidal homophobia. Pastor Stephen Falco declares war on “zombies and faggots” while professing his deep love for children a few too many times. Tim speculates on his inevitable Dateline future and nominates him for “Predator of the Year.”
Animal Cruelty Monday!Two stories of wildlife gone wrong:
A California man accused (wrongly?) of decapitating a sea lion and carrying off the head in a bag.
A black swan nicknamed “Mr. Terminator” wreaks havoc on Stratford-Upon-Avon’s iconic mute swans, forcing authorities to relocate him.Tim explores the racial politics of swans, Shakespeare’s possible involvement, and plays the “black swan enters the pond” sound effect.
DV Hotline Calls:Listeners report booger-eating on public buses, Meade Skelton’s bowel updates (“feeling better!”), and Tim’s ongoing gym membership saga—complete with government conspiracy theories about the death of the “Easy Cancel” bill.
💬 Sponsor Shoutouts
DV Listener “Your Little Honey” – Today’s episode is sponsored by the Canadian queen of classy chaos herself. Requested “Canadian content,” so Tim delivered with Sagittarius Shawty, Frankie McDonald, and a side of maple-flavored filth.
Friday Oct 03, 2025
Friday Oct 03, 2025
On Today’s Show:
🎶 A Sweet Transvestite Goes SourA listener favorite returns with a disastrous cover of Rocky Horror’s Sweet Transvestite. It’s more “sweet fistite” than sweet transvestite.
🍰 The Prolapse CannoliHunger FF’s latest creation: whipped cream, a prolapsed asshole, and one very hungry bottom. Yes, there’s video.
🛒 Motorized Cart Grand Theft AutoFlorida woman takes a Publix scooter joyride down Airport Road in Punta Gorda, claiming it was her ride to a medical appointment.
🎃 Monster Gangbang (AI Remix)Kicking off Halloween season with a re-imagined version of Tim’s “Monster Gangbang” song—turned listenable thanks to AI.
🕹️ Proximity Chat in VR HellMore chaos in the furry corners of VRChat, where Proximity (posing as Axel) gets accused of being… Proximity. Blacklists, bar drama, and virtual Press Your Luck sets included.
🔢 Tamir vs. 11,000He hates Emma Watson, now he hates the number 11,000. Nobody knows why, least of all Tamir.
📡 Tony Chase vs. The Satellite ManHe’s still insisting the government is spreading his teeth with laser beams. Alexa refuses to back him up.
🇺🇸 September 11th Tribute Song (24 Years Late)A soulful but baffling 9/11 ballad drops in 2025. Tim gives it the Britney Spears AI remix treatment.
Listener Sponsorship
Today’s episode is sponsored by DV listener Yay, who had a very specific request: let Rod Urpay handle the Sideshow ad read. Mission accomplished. Want to sponsor a DV episode? It’s only $25!
Links / Extras:
Proximity Chat’s latest VR shenanigans [link in show notes]
“Monster Gangbang” AI cover and more songs coming soon to the DV YouTube channel
Wednesday Oct 01, 2025
Wednesday Oct 01, 2025
On Today's Show
Tim kicks off October with one of the most sadistic “Test of Patience” bits yet—an extended, soul-crushing string of parody covers of Cherebra Venti viral 2015 anthem “I Don’t Know.” Every possible genre gets the treatment: Top 40 pop, ska revival, throat singing, nu-metal, redneck country, even a Christian praise remix where “Jesus” gets tacked onto every filthy lyric. If you make it through the full barrage, congratulations—you’re officially broken.
Outside of musical torture, today’s show delivers a buffet of weirdness:
A lesbian couple claims they were victims of a fart-based hate crime at the grocery store. Spoiler: it wasn’t Matthew Shepard-level trauma.
An entitled mom thinks the world should worship her screeching eight-month-old at a restaurant. Tim strongly disagrees.
Charlie Kirk’s death inspires one of the worst Linda Finkel Hall of Fame songs ever. It’s earnest, tuneless, and uncomfortably Jesus-y.
In Florida (our most fucked up state), a man slaughters and pan-fries his pet peacocks just to spite his neighbors. Another Sunshine State freak gets busted for AI-generated child porn.
The legendary Penis Man graffiti tagger strikes again—only this time, cops finally snag the culprit.
The show closes with Tim reflecting on songs that take you back, bizarre listener voicemails, and his traumatic middle-school bus crash set to the soundtrack of Duran Duran.
Segments & Highlights
Cold Open: WDV Caldeciville drives you insane with endless covers of “I Don’t Know.”
DV Audio Clips:
The “lesbian fart hate crime” TikTok meltdown.
Mom justifies baby-screaming in restaurants.
Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Cringe tribute to Charlie Kirk’s death.
News of the Weird:
Florida man fries peacocks.
Florida man arrested for AI-generated child porn.
Tempe’s newest “Penis Man” finally caught.
Listener Voicemails: Crack rock Mario music, Davide’s Jewish wish stopping the rapture, and a trip down Timmy Boo’s memory lane.
Closing Torture: An indie-folk stomp-clap remix of I Don’t Know (because of course).
Monday Sep 29, 2025
Monday Sep 29, 2025
On Today's Show:
Tim kicks off the week with: a cheeseburger-fueled stabbing, a trailer-park throuple meltdown, Starbucks as culture-war Thunderdome, and Trump signal-boosting an obviously fake “med bed” AI video using his own fake voice. Plus: a brief (good!) mom/cancer update, UK listeners trolling Tim into doing UK content, a cyclist shoved into a canal, and rubberneckers tailing a London knife fight. Voicemails close out the show.
Program Tease (Cold Open)
Local news clip: Son allegedly stabs mother over a cheeseburger — Virgie Dean details how her 6’3”, 300-lb son didn’t get a Raleigh’s burger and things escalated into choking and a butcher-knife attack.
Tim’s Life / Ongoing Bits
Mom Update (Short but important):
Thyroid cancer (the aggressive kind) has shrunk significantly after treatment; scans described as “remarkable.”
Surgery scheduled: Wednesday, October 8 (shorter shows that week; Tim pre-recording to avoid interruptions).
Tim’s running joke: Mom, a vampire succubus/planet-eater, is extending her life by absorbing celebrity souls (RIP Hulk Hogan, Theo, etc.) and, in Tim’s new theory, Charlie Kirk’s as well. All hail Patricia.
British Sponsor Fatigue: Third UK listener in a row to sponsor and request all-UK content. Tim rants about how hard it is to source daily UK freakery, then butchers British slang and threatens a full Brit-only show (he won’t).
Main Rants & Segments
Starbucks = Where Cunts Get Coffee
Clip #1: “Say His Name” Lady
Customer orders using “Charlie Kirk” and films staff, demanding they call out the full name.
Staff quietly hands her the drink; she insists on a name call; spirals into a self-filmed free-speech sermon and promises a Substack “good review” she wrote before the incident.
Tim’s take: performative politics + weaponized customer service; he’d rather they just hand him the cup than shout his name.
Clip #2: “This Place Is Dirty!”
Woman, likely not a customer, audits a closing crew’s work; returns at 5am to berate morning staff about a dirty entry mat; invokes freedom of speech and race repeatedly.
Tim flashbacks to the legendary “Accuser of the Brethren” Christian meltdown (“you motherf— accuser!”).
Headlines / News You Can’t Unsee
Florida Throuple Breakdown (Summerfield, FL):
Poly triad detonates; Devin Driscoll (26) tries to boot her ex-BF and ex-GF from a $172,500 double-wide her mom bought.
Porch scuffle → Driscoll allegedly strikes ex; gets shoved; takes a stair tumble; arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery; no-contact order issued… awkward, since they all lived together.
Tim: if your combined income is ~10k/month, why are you in a trailer? (Cue housing-price rant and memories of growing up in a themed Spanish Matador double-wide.)
Trump & the “Med Beds” AI Video:
Trump shares (then deletes) a fake Fox / Lara Trump segment with AI Trump promising a Med Bed Card for every American, rolling out miracle healing tech.
Tim: either grandpa forgot he didn’t say this or he’s juicing a scam; “next step is the deposit link and your SSN.”
PSA to Nana: do not pay in Google Play gift cards for your Med Bed appointment.
UK Sponsor “Proof of Stupid” Corner (for Colon Solutions)
Canal Push:
Cyclist on a towpath gets shoved into the canal by a pedestrian pissed about shared paths (dog out, tempers up).
Tim’s verdict: cyclists should yield, dogs should be leashed, no one should shove anyone into a body of water.
Knife Fight Crawl-Along:
Two women in a car tail a street knife fight for “content,” then shriek when the fight spills near their bumper.
Tim: if you chase chaos for video, don’t act shocked when chaos knocks on your window.