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Sex Hungry Bitch Vs. Board Of Education

On the Show:
💩 The Breakfast Bandit BlunderA guy tries to enjoy a chill Burger King lunch, but a suspicious cop launches an entire investigation because he might have said “breakfast.” A reminder that in America, fast food confusion can lead to canine units.
🦇 Bat in Mouth, Bills in HandA woman accidentally eats part of a bat during a stargazing trip and ends up with a $20,000 medical bill—and possibly a taste for guano. Tim compares it to his $100K hospital stay for a glorified nap.
💋 The Principal Wants That AssWe sample a vintage “Sensuous Women and Men Together” stag audio scene where a school principal lays down a no-pants policy and invites a teacher to a swinger’s party. HR wasn’t consulted. Cunt-sucking minds were.
💔 First-Date Freebie WhoreA TikTok girl casually admits she goes on dozens of first dates just to eat at new restaurants for free. Tim rants about the hellscape that is modern dating and calls for “Dutch or bust.”
🎭 TikTok Debates With... Yourself?Tim roasts the rise of cringe solo-debate TikToks where people pretend to argue with themselves, particularly one video involving Sydney Sweeney’s jeans and alleged supremacist undertones.
💡 PSA Voice Girl Hates ConservativesA smug TikToker delivers the joke: “How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?” The answer—and the delivery—makes Tim want to bite the bulb and end it all.
🚔 Diary of a Dumb Car ThiefA Minnesota woman steals a van and then immediately journals about it: “Totally stole a car today!” The cops read her diary (thanks, Mom) and arrest her. She avoids jail, but not probation… or humiliation.
Today’s Sponsor:
Ash Cravencock (possibly Cravenock?)OnlyFans blacksmith and History Channel “Forged in Fire” contestant, lusted after by a dangerously obsessed fan who paid to recite a poem on the show.🔥 Link in the show notes (for... research purposes).
Birthday Shakedown:
💵 Want to show Tim some love? Forget candles.
Sign up for the Distorted View Sideshow
PayPal: show@distortedview.com
Patreon
Leave a 5-star review
Or just smell Ash Cravenock’s armpits vicariously
Voicemail Highlights:
A bee sting solidarity call-in (it's going around)
Lance becomes old after dissing mumble rap
A future lifetime member calls in to demand more Insensitive Reenactments
Tim suspects Lyme disease and is using ChatGPT like a virtual WebMD therapist
🎁 Final Thoughts:Tim is older, hornier, possibly diseased, and still begging for your sweet, sweet money. Happy 20 years of Distorted View Daily, freaks. You’ve got blood on your hands if you don’t rate the show 5 stars.
📬 Contact Tim:
Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Twitter & Instagram: @distortedview
Facebook: facebook.com/distortedviewshow
🧼 P.S. Please don’t send pubes or poop to the P.O. Box. Again.Distorted View | P.O. Box 36268 | Cincinnati, OH 45236

Redneck Vampires Are Rising Up In The South

On the Show Today:
🚨 Masturbators on every corner! Tim's Citizen app is blowing up with indecent exposures, naked CVS dancers, and mid-intersection jack-offs. It’s like Pokémon Go, but for perverts.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 He wanted a Labubu plush. She wanted it up her butt. A beautifully stupid incest porn negotiation unfolds—truly the most disturbing Pokémon trade ever.
🦇 Redneck vampires rise! A Hello Kitty-wearing TikTok granny claims her toothless husband is kin to the Twilight clan. Yes, there’s bloodlust—and dentures.
📸 Caught with your pants down? A man sues Google after Street View exposes his bare ass to the world. Spoiler: He wins big.
👖 Sydney Sweeney is under fire for an American Eagle jeans ad. Tim investigates: eugenics or just good denim marketing? The real crime might be her whispery, NPR voiceover.
🇫🇮 Sponsored by Satan’s Porthole! Tim attempts to roast Finland and nearly dies trying to pronounce their language. National dish? Reindeer. National pastime? Saunas and sorrow.
Also:
A testosterone-fueled parking lot meltdown ends in bollard carnage and shattered dreams.
A listener loses trust in Siri, gets anime recs, and nearly calls their boss instead of the voicemail line.
Meade Skelton claims he's not deformed—just flabby in all the wrong places (and proud of it).
🎧 Sponsor: Big thanks to DV listener Satan's Porthole for supporting today’s show and requesting a roast of Finland. This one’s for you and your sauna-loving, reindeer-eating compatriots.
🔊 Voicemail: 206-666-4463 📩 Email: ⁠show@distortedview.com⁠ 💸 Sponsor a Show: Only $25! PayPal: ⁠show@distortedview.com⁠
👑 Not a Sideshow member? Sign up now at ⁠distortedview.com⁠ for exclusive episodes and bonus segments!

Pummel Me, Bro: Alpha Male Homoerotic Hug Fights

On Today’s Episode:
🥊 Homoerotic Hug Fights: Welcome to the world of “Alpha Bro Pummeling” — when “testing your edge” means getting very, very close to your bro’s crotch.
🧑‍🎤 Meade Skelton's Fitness Coaching Fantasy: After flashing his pasty bod online, Meade wants to become your life coach, nutritionist, romance advisor, and maybe even your vet tech-slash-minister-slash-bodybuilder.
🎤 Deaf Guy Covers Iron Maiden: Why not.
👯‍♂️ Will Blunderfield’s New Bro Love Anthem: “We Love Our Cocks” is the feel-good dong-swinging hit of the summer.
🐹 TikTok Trend Watch – Hamstering: It's either the horniest sunroof stunt or a made-up trend created to ruin your Google search history. Either way, Tim investigates.
🧠 Performance Art or Auditory Nightmare?: Cologne’s Laura Totenhagen gives Yoko Ono a run for her screechy, birdlike money.
📢 Azalea Banks Goes Pedo-Apologist: The rapper defends Trump and trivializes statutory rape. She did not pass Go. She did not collect $200. She may have just career-suicided.
💩 News Roundup: Racist Subaru lady, psychotic pharmacy screamer, and Tom Hanks has had enough of you.
Plus:
🎉 20 Years of Dickhole Guy: Celebrate two decades of “sticking fingers where fingers don't belong” with fan-favorite Scott Taylor and his legendary self-lubricating meat flute.
🎶 DV Archive Gold: Don West Beanie Baby mashups and Butt Fudge Sunday nostalgia with DV legend Corey.
🥚 Hard-Boiled Egg Talk (Again): Tim continues his culinary journey with unsolicited egg advice from the voicemail line.
🤝 Thanks to Our Sponsor: Big shoutout to Chaz the Tandem Stacker for supporting today's show — and for triggering a DV history lesson.
💥 Listen Now📅 Date: Monday, July 28, 2025🔒 Bonus segment for Sideshow freaks drops later today!🎧 Sideshow sign-up: distortedview.com📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463📬 Email: show@distortedview.com💰 Support: Patreon.com/DistortedView

Sex Cult Television - Now With 100% More Robot Breasts

Distorted View Daily Show Notes – July 25, 2025
🎉 It’s National Orgasm Week, Freaks!Celebrate your right to moan with 50% off at AdamAndEve.com. We’re talking vibrating nipple clamps, Newton’s Cradle-inspired cock rings, and whatever future-sex gizmos are now USB-chargeable. Use promo code FREAK to turn your nips into pleasure batteries.
On Today’s Episode:
✝️ The cult behind The Family International releases a wholesome children's puppet show featuring:
A robot with real human-like breasts
Children licking bloody wounds
Puppet grandpas who enjoy "gifts" in the form of long mouth kisses
Casual child fireplay and open invitations to spankings
And yes… a sexbot serenade
🐭 Chuck E. Cheese commits wire fraud while still wearing the mouse head
🐊 A man goes full John Wick on an alligator who dared steal his fishing lure
🧠 The IQs drop to single digits as The Fresh and Fit podcast hosts try to Holocaust-splain
🚨 Police bodycam captures the arrest of a twitching meth mess who insists the cops "don’t have permission" to arrest her
Distorted News Highlights:
Florida Man strikes again—twice! First as Chuck E. Cheese, then with a vengeance-fueled golf club gator beatdown
Teddy Roosevelt had a judo roommate? We look back on the original Florida Man in the White House
🎤 Listener Voicemails:
The cult nostalgia train continues thanks to Haley’s Comet
How many symbols can we cram on one pride flag?
Should Tim legally change his name to Timmy Boo? Spoiler: it’s financially negotiable
One freak calls out the podcast industry’s Nazi grift economy
🎶 Musical Finale:As a special treat for today’s show sponsor Double D, we present Cortado del Trenta’s full-length cover of Sherebra Venti’s banger "Out Now" – a beautiful ballad of milky seed, roast beef sleeves, and pussy overheating like a '93 Corolla in August.
Sponsor Shout-Out:A huge thanks to Double D for 17 years of DV loyalty! Sponsored segments and titty talk by listener request. Want your name (or an alias) featured on a future episode? PayPal Tim at show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview.
💥 Join the Sideshow!Support DV and get access to exclusive episodes:
2 full-length Sideshow episodes each week
2 bonus segments
Listener voicemails played FIRST👉 Sign up at DistortedView.com or subscribe via Spotify/Apple Podcasts
Closing Thoughts:If you’re not popping dogs in the ass, are you even a cop?

The 1987 Penis Pump Buyers Guide

A wild and irreverent episode featuring bizarre news stories, listener voicemails, and a dive into the world of adult entertainment products. Highlights include a news anchor's cat vomit mishap, Jeff Stryker's penis pump endorsement, and unsettling porn discussions.
Segments
1. Opening News Story: Local News Anchor Eats Cat Vomit
Summary: A local news anchor mistakenly eats cat vomit, thinking it’s Grape Nuts cereal, during a live broadcast. The incident spirals into comedic chaos as the anchor realizes the mistake on air.
Quotes:
“I thought it was Grape Nuts. I ate cat vomit right here on television. It’s disgusting.”
“It’s on the bottom of my shoe, and I thought it was Grape Nuts, and it’s cat vomit. I’m going to throw up.”
Key Points:
The anchor initially mistook cat vomit for cereal scattered on the floor.
The incident becomes a trending topic, with the anchor humorously addressing the gross error.
2. Main Topics
The Darker Side of Faux Incest Porn:
Discussion of a disturbing porn video titled Morning Breakfast Turns into Hardcore Sex with Teen Babe.
Features a young woman eating cereal, looking sad, and being coerced by a stepfather figure in a non-consensual scenario.
Tim critiques the unsettling tone, noting the actress’s distress throughout, calling it “Bunny Crush 2.0.”
Quote: “She never becomes cock hungry. As a matter of fact, she cries throughout the entire thing.”
Jeff Stryker’s Penis Pump Collection:
Introduction to gay porn star Jeff Stryker’s endorsement of his penis pump line.
Features audio from Stryker promoting three models: a squeeze bulb model, an “executive” art deco model, and a flexible tubing/plunger hybrid.
Quotes:
“You put the lubricant on your cock. Cock. You slide your cock through this hole.”
“It’s really neat to watch just how big you can get your cock.”
Tim humorously compares it to Joan Rivers selling clothing on QVC and references Stryker’s music career (Pop You in the Pooper and What a Man Has to Do).
Restaurant Bill Dispute:
A video from the Chi-Town Foodies Facebook group shows a couple arguing over a restaurant bill.
The woman insists she only invited her daughter, not her partner, leading to a heated exchange where the man pours a drink on her.
Quote: “I told my daughter to come, not you. You got me fucked up, I’m telling you.”
Karate Kick at Pro-Life Protest:
In Toronto, a male counter-protester, Jordan Hunt, roundhouse kicks pro-life organizer Marie-Claire Bissonnette during an anti-abortion protest after she confronts him about defacing signs.
Hunt is fired from his job at Noble Studio 101 hair salon following the incident.
Quote: “I meant to get your phone,” Hunt says after the kick, claiming it was unintentional.
Funeral Director’s Corpse Photos:
Angelia Angel Stewart, a former Pennsylvania funeral director, is sentenced to 10 years of probation for taking photos of corpses and showing them to friends.
Photos included a body with organs removed and another covered in maggots, intended to gross out her friends.
Quote: “If I could take away the pain, I would, but it’s too late.”
Nazi-Themed Hotel Room:
The Via Love Hotel near Bangkok, Thailand, offers a controversial “communist-themed” room with Adolf Hitler murals and Nazi symbols, popular among swingers.
The room sparks outrage, particularly among the Jewish community, for its insensitivity and historical ignorance.
Quote: “It’s just for decoration, man,” says receptionist Nong Kong.
Pricing: Starts at £9.73 (~$12-13 USD) for three hours, with additional hours at £3.50.
3. Listener Voicemails
Caller 1: A long-time listener (over 10 years) thanks Tim for shaping their humor and announces they’ve become a semi-yearly Sideshow member.
Quote: “You turned me into the fucktard I am today.”
Caller 2 (Rick from Baltimore): Thanks Tim for the laughs, clarifies Jezebel’s biblical role, and comments on the “spider thing” making him laugh.
Quote: “The spider thing was so fucking stupid that I was laughing my ass off.”
Caller 3 (Spiral Hamfucker): Discusses the nuances of male attraction and masturbation, humorously addressing women who assume they’re “jerk-off material.”
Quote: “Honestly, ladies, you gotta be pretty fucking special to be considered jerk-off material in this day and age.”

Even AI Chatbot Girlfriends Are Rejecting Incels

🎙️ Distorted View Daily: Chatbots, Crack Pipes, and Cream-Filled Country Jews🗓️ Wednesday, July 23rd, 2025💉 Sponsored by: Davide (Happy Birthday, ya freak!)
On Today’s Episode:🔹 When AI girlfriends start rejecting the incels who love them most🔹 Grok’s filthy “mommy” mode and the dawn of gooner chatbots🔹 DV listener Davide sponsors the show, while Greg from Austin gets roasted for being cheaper than a blood clot🔹 A 1970s porno trucker tape introduces us to Humpingville, USA, where schmear isn’t just for bagels🔹 A woman weaponizes 911, her toddler flings meth pipes out the window, and somehow she’s the victim (until she’s not)🔹 Great Moments in Customer Service Meltdowns™ featuring lawsuit threats, New York state assemblymen, and one very confused call center worker🔹 A man kills his wife “by mistake” and then travels across state lines to finish the job on the one he really wanted dead🔹 A Florida man threatens to machete everyone on Epstein’s nonexistent client list after arguing with Grok. Justice Dept: 😬
PLUS:🎂 Richard Simmons AI wishes Davide a Jewish-ish birthday📼 Meade Skelton shows us his underpants (again)🧠 Listener voicemails: Anime starter packs, Superman spoilers, and epileptic sex strategy (yes, really)
🎧 Listen now and become the digital trad wife of your dreams!
🚨 Not a Sideshow member? You're missing out on bonus shows and segments every week.👉 Join now: https://www.distortedview.com

High Five: Innocent Workplace Interaction Or Premarital Hand Sex - You Decide!

🎙️ Distorted View Daily: Roofies, Racism, and Russian Regret🗓️ Monday, July 21st, 2025🌐 DistortedView.com
💥 On Today’s Show:
💉 Roofied by Red Bull – Meade Skelton's Chick-fil-A crush gets Cosby-coded after one too many energy drinks.
🧠 Great Moments in Church Sermons – Soccer is for queers, says one unhinged preacher in a homophobic homily.
🤢 Do Asians Smell Like Doritos? – Meade's nose racism spirals out of control on message boards.
🧸 Cop Finds Creepy Collection – A Louisiana man calls the cops and ends up arrested for his child-sized sex dolls.
🇷🇺 Moving to Russia for "Freedom" – American dad ditches U.S. over "LGBTQ indoctrination" and is rewarded with a one-way trip to the Ukrainian front.
🏳️‍🌈 The Pride Flag Has Been Updated Again – Now featuring buttholes, bananas, and feathers. Tim's done being gay.
💍 Today's Show is Sponsored by:Discord user Scott_Taylor_DHG, who paid to dedicate the episode to his poor immobile friend Forbesy, a man so disabled he “caught a case of the retard.” The DV community wishes you the best, Forbesy. Please don't sue.
🔥 Featured Audio & Segments:
🎹 Meade Fit and Lean: Unrequited love, hand-touching orgasms, and racist rants about inter-racial dating. (Also, apparently, exercise?)
💩 Will Blunderfield Enlightens from the Toilet: Fart-sniffing on a squatty potty is the latest spiritual awakening.
🗣️ Snatch Preacher Returns: A holy man obsessed with the word “snatch” helps us all see the light (and maybe the labia).
📞 Voicemails: Vladimir Putin infiltrates the party line, a caller educates us on probable cause, and we reminisce about norm-core pig slave Norm Somerton.
🖼️ Featured Image:The Progress Pride Flag 2025 Edition – now with bonus feathers exploding out of a rectal ring.
💸 Support Distorted View:
Become a true & honorable freak! Sign up for the Sideshow
Get bonus episodes, exclusive content, and Tim’s eternal gratitude.
Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview
Sponsor a show for just $25 via PayPal
📞 Leave a Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (Freak)📬 Email: show@distortedview.com🔗 Join the DV Discord

Three Women, One Asshole: Prolapse Synchronization Achieved

On Today’s Cringe Buffet:
🔁 The Recycle Challenge: A livestreamer known as Theory crafts a piss-vomit smoothie using a friend's pee and his own upchuck… and then drinks it for money. Yes, this is entertainment now. Sponsored by "Recycle Gang" and the darkest corner of TikTok.
🍑 Synchronized Prolapsing Porn: Three women, one bed, and a cacophony of wet, squelching sounds. With proper audio equipment and plenty of helping hands (and balls), they achieve peak rosebud performance. Huge thanks (and apologies) to TylerSaurusRex for this prolapsing gem.
🚓 Cops vs. Karen: Body Cam Breakdown: A woman going 83mph in a 35 zone gets mouthy, panicked, and full-on theatrical during a traffic stop. Crying, kicking, calling Carolee for backup—it’s the emotional rollercoaster of the year. Spoiler: it ends in arrest (and community service).
👶 Little Kid Tongue Game?!: An unnervingly intense church service features children screaming in tongues, blowing horns, and generally being louder than your favorite metal show. Tim questions everything—including his own FBI watchlist status.
💋 Coldplay Cheating Kiss Cam Scandal: A kiss cam outs an affair between two tech execs mid-concert. Panic, internet sleuthing, and job-ending consequences ensue. Bonus: Tim shares his very wet and tooth-focused kissing technique.
🐔 Bear Spray Revenge Over a Chicken: In Florida (of course), a woman attacks another driver with bear mace after the victim allegedly ran over a chicken crossing the road. Felony charges + poultry justice = another day in the Sunshine State.
💸 Support the Show & Sponsor an Episode! DV is now listener-sponsored! Like today's benefactor Ye, you can own an episode by PayPaling $25 to show@distortedview.com or visiting ⁠paypal.me/distortedview⁠. Tim will grovel accordingly.
 
🎙️ Distorted View Daily: Friday, July 18th, 2025Presented by: AdamAndEve.com — Use code FREAK for 50% off + bonuses!
Sponsored by DV Listener Yay! 🙌