We're Off To The Sperm Races!

On Today's Show:

• ✈️ Plus-sized influencer demands wheelchair access or war at SeaTac.

• 💉 High schoolers remix Daft Punk to promote AIDS awareness… with alarming enthusiasm.

• 🧠 Jesse Lee Peterson discovers women went to space… and panics.

• 🏁 Sperm racing is now a real competitive event. And yes, you can gamble on it.

• ⚡ Cop pulls woman over for expired tags, escalates into a “you scared me!” taser-fest.

• 🍟 Fast food rage: the voicemails are full of drive-thru fury.

• 🎶 And we kick things off with the world’s most horrifying DV theme remix: “Dead Babies Bounce.”

---

🎧 Highlights & Clips:

🧬 “We’re up all night to get AIDS!”
– Tim discovers an ancient high school science video with Daft Punk, abstinence, and full-blown cringe.

🪐 “What are women doing in space—menstruating?”
– Jesse Lee Peterson fears a future where periods orbit Earth. Tim breaks down this idiocy, blow by blow.

🧑‍🦼 “I was told I was a danger… simply by existing!”
– The return of Jaelynn Chaney, the plus-sized activist who demands wheelchair access at all times. Keg Pony tribute included 🐷💺

🥚 Sperm Racing: The Sport America Needs
– USC vs UCLA. Under microscopes. Real sperm. Real wagers. Peak civilization.

🚓 License & Taser
– Tim plays the full breakdown of a routine traffic stop turned full-blown scuffle after one too many “Hold on, I’m on the phone!”s.

---

📢 Voicemail Freakout Zone:

📱 Haley’s Comet drops 50lbs 💪
📞 Fast food fail tales: Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box. Your stomach may growl in rage.

🥤 Tim rants about drive-thru tacos dumped upside down. It’s NOT OKAY. 🌮🔥

---

💩 Miscellaneous Debauchery:

• Lord Douche ruins Taco Bell with 9,000 substitutions.

• Tim contemplates becoming a woman to complete his Social Commentary Pokémon card set: ✔ Gay ✔ Fat ☐ Black ✔ Misogynistic?

---

🔒 Sideshow Plug Time!
Support the stupidity 💵 Get bonus episodes, full archives, and smug freak status by joining the DV Sideshow: 🌐 DistortedView.com
📱 Subscribe via Spotify or Apple Podcasts
💸 Or join us on Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview

---

📅 Next Sperm Race is April 25th at the Hollywood Palladium!
Place your bets: Team Dribbler vs. Rope Shooter