Teacher Known as “Mr. Pedophile” Busted For...Well, You Know...

On Today's Show:

• 💥 When your work nickname is Mr. Pedophile, it might be time for a new profession… or, you know, prison.

• 💊 A redneck meltdown at CVS: “Only queer pharmacists give out gel caps!” Real men take tablets, apparently.

• 🎮 Nintendo nerds discover a controller pairing sound and lose their collective minds. (It’s just beeps, you virgins.)

• 🧠 TikTok Munchausen Update™: Deaf, autistic, Hispanic, Jewish… and now, wheelchair-bound! Collect 'em all!

• 💡 Dating for Smash Bros. fans—what could possibly go wrong? (Spoiler: Nintendo lawyers happened.)

• 🚗 Drunk woman stuck in a ditch refuses to give up, flees, and becomes an accidental NASCAR driver before the cops smash her window and learn her name is... Awesome Blossom.

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🎵 Musical Moments:

• ✝️ Jesus vs. Satan slam poetry

• 🎶 A soulful ballad about anime girls and their “big fat tits”

• 🎵 The unofficial Wii Shop theme remix that may or may not land Tim in IP jail

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🧴 Also in this Episode:

• 👮 Police bodycam insanity featuring a screeching, confused DUI suspect who may or may not work for the police department herself.

• 🐷 A massage parlor in Florida lives up to every sleazy stereotype and then some. Customers walked in for a back rub and walked out molested.

• 🐷 Pig Norm update! He’s still alive, still suckling from tit cups, and still being the hero we don’t deserve.

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📞 Listener Voicemails:

• 🎁 A mysterious package is en route to Tim’s P.O. Box

• 🏠 Listeners buy houses, travel the world, and offer Tim a couch (or blowie)

• 🎙️ Soundbite suggestions: "He nutted on my leg" joins the intro clip pool!

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📢 Programming Note:

🚗 Tim’s heading to Ashtabula, so Monday will feature a Best Of episode. New content will drop later in the day—stay tuned!

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💸 Support the Show:

• 💎 Sign up for the Sideshow! Get full-length exclusive episodes every week!

• 🍏 Subscribe via Apple Podcasts or Spotify (search Distorted View Daily inside the app for bonus access).

• 🤑 Patreon.com/distortedview – pledge and get special voicemail privileges!

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📬 Mailbag & Contact:
✉️ show@distortedview.com
📬 P.O. Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236
📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH-GOD)

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Quote of the Day:

"Don't fucking douche my fucking legs!" – Drunk Ditch Lady, 2025

 

00:00:00	Introduction
01:54:16	Adult Nintendo Fans Are Weird
07:10:11	Adult Pokemon Dorks Are The Worst Too
10:07:11	The Most Annoying Internet Illness Faker Is Driving Me Crazy
13:55:16	Panic At The Pharmacy Over Gelcaps
16:31:09	Drunk Woman Stuck In A Ditch
26:24:05	Sign Up For The Sideshow!
27:39:00	Super Smash Dating
31:28:08	Your Teacher Today Will Be Mr. Pedophile
36:42:10	Getting Naked With Your Massage Clients
41:15:19	Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463 / Ending