Scrambled Egg Dick Farts

On Today’s Episode:

• Martin Luther King Jr. Day Madness

  • A deep dive into a long-lost viral clip featuring a racist white woman losing her mind on a Black mailman.

  • She refuses to accept her own mail, drops multiple slurs, slaps the mailman, and somehow blames him for killing Martin Luther King Jr.

  • Spoiler: the mailman loses his job, because of course he does.

  • Tim admits his own shaky grasp of MLK assassination trivia while trying to untangle this woman’s unhinged racial “theory of everything.”

• Meade Skelton vs. Tim’s Mom

  • Meade Skelton emails Tim to explain that his homosexuality is caused by a “toxic Jezebel” mother.

  • The evidence? Tim’s mom once suggested a bird instead of a dog.

  • Tim realizes this is personal: Meade is a bird guy.

  • Bonus: classic clip of Tim’s mom telling a story that somehow turns into her shitting herself after an enema.

• Scrambled Egg Dick Farts

  • A horrifying new EFUKT discovery: a man injects raw eggs into his penis, then pisses them into a frying pan.

  • Includes the rare and majestic eggy dick fart.

  • Tim goes on an egg-porn spiral featuring:

    • Eggs shoved into assholes and cracked internally

    • Sausage-and-egg shit breakfasts

    • A “Hungry Femboy Ass Chicken Egg Salad Stuffin’” video that ruins potlucks forever

• Distorted News: Farts May Save Your Brain

  • Researchers at Johns Hopkins Medicine find that hydrogen sulfide (the gas that makes farts smell like rotten eggs) may slow Alzheimer’s symptoms in mice.

  • Lab mice exposed to the compound showed major improvements in memory and movement.

  • The research appears in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

  • Tim concludes we should all become “sniff freaks” until targeted drugs exist.

• Distorted View Gives a Shit

  • A GoFundMe shout-out for listener David’s in-laws, whose home was destroyed in a fire while saving their infant granddaughter.

  • Link provided in today’s show notes. Help if you can.

• Voicemails

  • Advice on crushing pills for sick parents

  • A $3,000 wedding success story vs. an $80,000 Disney wedding disaster

  • Tim cites a $33,000 national average wedding cost and judges everyone involved

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A holiday episode packed with racism, religion, eggs, assholes, and the medical benefits of huffing ass gas. Happy MLK Day, Freaks.