America's Funniest Inbred Home Videos

On Today's Show:

Episode Overview

Welcome to the Wednesday, May 28, 2025 episode of Distorted View Daily with host Tim Henson. Today’s show is packed with bizarre stories, hilarious audio clips, and updates on the show’s signature absurdity. From a drunk live streamer arguing with a text-to-speech clip to a To Catch a Predator porn parody, this episode is quintessential DV madness.

Segments and Stories

1. Great Moments in Customer Service Phone Calls

• Highlight: A profanity-laced rant from an Australian man trying to book a driving test in Victoria. He’s fed up with the bureaucracy and the “cunts” harassing him in Croydon. The call is a chaotic mix of frustration and colorful language.

• Quote: “I want to make a boogie for this fucking bullshit so I can shove a piece of paper up the fucking ass that's down here at Croydon's house and say I can drive a car safely.”

2. Ethan Ralph’s Pill Stream Meltdown

• Submitted by: Sirosis of Liver (via Discord)

• Story: Ethan Ralph, host of The Kill Stream, streams from a shack in Mexico to avoid child support payments. In a drug- and alcohol-fueled stupor, he mistakes a text-to-speech donation (playing a self-help guru clip) for a real person and argues with it for nearly 10 minutes.

• Details: Ralph, an alt-right figure, rants about “white children” and berates the non-existent caller, even muting his entire stream in the process. The clip showcases his slurred, unhinged behavior.

• Quote: “Tell me right now, bitch. How many white children do you have?”

3. To Catch a Predator Porn Parody

• Source: TeenFidelity.com, featured on eFox

• Story: A porn parody of To Catch a Predator finally exists, tackling the controversial premise with a mix of humor and explicit content. The setup mimics the original show, with a “pervert” arriving to meet an underage girl, only to be confronted by a Chris Hansen-esque figure. The twist? It’s a porno, so the encounter takes a wild turn.

• Details: Features a grandpa character, condom excuses, and a surprising role reversal where the “victim” and camera operator get involved. The parody balances absurdity with the show’s signature sting operation vibe.

• Quote: “I brought condoms to make balloon animals for her.”

4. Whitaker Family Update

• Story: The infamous inbred Whitaker family from Odd, West Virginia, is back in the news after their mobile home was destroyed in a fire. Filmmaker Mark Leda (Soft White Underbelly) is raising funds via GoFundMe to replace the home.

• Details: The family’s living conditions remain dire, with past controversies involving misused GoFundMe money and a hoax death. Ray Whitaker gives a “tour” of the wreckage, communicating mostly in grunts.

• GoFundMe: Raised $8,385 so far to clear debris and furnish a new mobile home.

• Quote: “Everything is burnt.”

5. Russian Mother Hires Hitman for Daughter

• Location: Chayabinsk, Russia

• Story: A 46-year-old woman, Svetlana, was arrested for attempting to hire a hitman to drown her 12-year-old daughter in a river for $1,200. The daughter overheard the plot, and the hitman, Andre, refused to follow through, instead hiding the girl and turning himself in.

• Details: Svetlana cited “tension” with her daughter as the motive. The girl is now in protective custody with her siblings. Svetlana faces up to 15 years in prison.

• Quote: “The problem is every 12-year-old girl is kind of a cunt.”

6. Venezuelan Man Poses as Teen to Enroll in Ohio High School

• Location: Perrysburg, Ohio

• Story: 24-year-old Anthony Labrador Sierra was arrested for posing as a 16-year-old to enroll in a local high school. He used forged documents, including a Venezuelan birth certificate, to pass as an unaccompanied minor.

• Details: The scheme unraveled when the mother of his child provided evidence of his real age. Labrador overstayed his visa and now faces felony forgery charges and ICE custody.

• Quote: “When Drew Barrymore does it, it’s a rom-com. When a Venezuelan guy does it, he’s arrested.”

7. Young Thug’s Vocal Style

• Story: Tim explores the eccentric vocal style of rapper Young Thug, playing a raw clip of him singing without processing. The result is a chaotic, almost incomprehensible performance.

• Details: Young Thug, known for his Grammy-winning work with Childish Gambino, is compared to Tim’s own struggles with fast lyrics.

• Quote: “Do you smoke gas? No way. Do you got nuts? No way.”

8. Tim’s Mom Update

• Story: Tim shares an update on his mother, Patty Henson, a beloved figure on the show. She recently visited the emergency room due to throat issues and difficulty breathing, only to discover a mass on her thyroid.

• Details: The hospital’s lack of urgency frustrates Tim, with a biopsy scheduled for the following Thursday. Despite the scare, Patty was well enough to eat at Arby’s afterward.

• Quote: “The Ashtabula Hospital doesn’t even really have delivery rooms. They just send the woman out to a wooded area in the back of a hospital.”

9. Soda News

• Caller: Emma

• Story: Emma asks if Tim has tried Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola cans. Tim discusses his recent soda adventures, including hating 7-Up Tropical and loving Dr. Pepper Creamy Coconut, which is returning soon.

• Quote: “First of all, you don’t even know what suntan lotion tastes like.”

10. Voicemail Corrections and 3D Printing Drama

• Caller: Phil VF (Little Baby Faggot)

• Story: Phil follows up on a previous call, revealing he 3D-printed anal beads and paddles as “punishment” for his wife’s typo on a door sign. The paddling led to her appendix nearly rupturing, requiring emergency surgery.

• Details: Phil humorously laments having to care for his recovering wife, but she’s on the mend.

• Quote: “I know a dishwasher can blow out an appendix. That’s always good information to have.”

11. Smartphone History Correction

• Caller: Anonymous

• Story: A caller disputes Tim’s claim that smartphones existed in the 90s, citing the iPhone’s 2007 release. Tim corrects them, noting IBM’s early 90s smartphone, Ericsson’s 1997 GS88, and BlackBerry and Palm devices pre-iPhone.

• Quote: “My mind is a steel trap. You’re the fucktard.”

Sideshow Membership Deal

• Offer: A rare mid-year deal on Distorted View Sideshow memberships—$7.50/month or $80/year, saving up to 17%. Includes full-length exclusive episodes and new 10-20 minute bonus segments.

• Details: Tim jokingly blames Trump’s tariffs for the podcast’s “financial ruin,” urging listeners to sign up at distortedview.com.

Voicemail and Contact Info

• Email: show@distortedview.com

• Voicemail: 206-666-4463

• Social Media: @distortedview on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com/distortedviewshow

• Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview (pledge $5+ for priority voicemail playback)

Closing

Tim wraps up with a call to spread the “STD” (Spread The Distortion) and give the show five-star ratings. Sideshow freaks can expect a bonus segment later today and a full exclusive episode on Thursday. Bubble tape, it’s six feet of bubble gum for you, not them!

 

	00:00:00:00	Introduction	00:00:00:00
	00:02:31:08	Sketchy Online Tariff Sales	00:00:00:00
	00:05:04:19	A Rare Sketchy Summer Sideshow Membership Deal!	00:00:00:00
	00:06:09:08	A Mom Henson Health Update	00:00:00:00
	00:14:17:13	A Drunk Streamer Arguing With A Sound Clip	00:00:00:00
	00:23:26:04	This Ain't To Catch A Predator XXX Parody	00:00:00:00
	00:29:05:04	What Does A Rapper Sound Like Unfilitered	00:00:00:00
	00:31:56:01	Sign Up For The Sideshow!	00:00:00:00
	00:32:31:02	The Inbred Family Blew Up Their Mobile Home	00:00:00:00
	00:40:16:20	Hiring A Hitman To Take Out Your Daughter	00:00:00:00
	00:43:41:04	Never Been Kissed - Illegal Venezuelan Man Edition	00:00:00:00
	00:47:47:21	Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending	00:00:00:00