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Poop Lasagna On The High Seas

🎙️ Distorted View Daily: June 30th, 2025
Episode Title: 🚢 Poop Cruise: The Shitstorm That Launched a Thousand Vacation DreamsTags: Carnival Cruise Disaster, Poop Bags, Haunt Nuts, AI Metal Music, Prime Minister Dick Wars, Murderous 10-Year-Olds
🧻 Today on the Show:
🚨 Poopocalypse Now! The “Trainwreck Poop Cruise” documentary inspires Lord Douche to consider another cruise. Tim recounts the floating sewage nightmare that was Carnival Triumph.
💩 Shit Lasagna: We relive the day toilets failed, poop bags were distributed, and layer-caked feces rose to glory.
🛏️ Cruising with Lesbians: Lord Douche's stint on a gay cruise (employed, not bred) and Tim's horror at possibly joining the high-seas bingo crowd.
🎸 Mead Goes Metal: AI transforms Mead Skelton’s most problematic songs into heavy metal bangers. “Sweet Tea,” “Black Lives Matter,” and “Pervert Marriage” get the face-melting treatment.
🏫 Murderous Tweens: A group of 10-year-old girls in Arizona plot to stab a classmate to death—complete with suicide note, roles, and rubber gloves. What could go wrong?
🧛 Truck Nutz of the Damned: Haunt Nuts debut at the East Coast Haunters Convention. Get your Frank's Nuts & Bolts and Count Sacula accessories now!
🗣️ Plus:
🐍 Prime Minister offers to prove he’s uncut during a religious dick-measuring contest. (Yes, that actually happened.)
🛐 Armenian Church drama escalates into a penile purity pissing match.
🤕 Tim’s mom fell and had to be rescued, prompting hoarder roommate revelations and bizarre seed-saving logic.
📞 Your voicemails: Hoarders, Mormon prayers, and what Meade may have learned in the Boy Scouts (hint: trauma).
💩 Featured Clip:
“As soon as I saw the red bags, I was like, oh no. Oh no.”– A very constipated cruise passenger
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Dating An AI Chatbot Boyfriend: From Virtual Romance to Digital Domestic Abuse

🎙️ Distorted View Daily Show Notes – June 27, 2025 (Friday Edition)🚨 "AI Abuse, Hot Dog Wars, and a Nature Boy’s Natural Disaster" 🚨
On Today’s Episode:🧠 Artificial Intelligence? More like Artificial Insanity!
Meet the man who fell in love with ChatGPT... despite having a real human wife and child.
We dive deep into the subreddit r/MyBoyfriendIsAI, where emotionally needy humans and oversexed chatbots collide.
Plus, the story of a woman who somehow ended up in an abusive relationship with a chatbot. Yes, really.
🎮 Mario Kart World: The Rage-Inducing Hellscape
Tim vents about the newest Switch 2 exclusive, Mario Kart World, featuring 24-player chaos and Japanese players riding on ceilings.
Items like Bullet Bill and Golden Mushrooms offer hope... and instant punishment.
Red shells, revenge, and the kind of gamer rage that could make the FBI nervous.
🥵 Six-Year-Old Snack Reviews, Unfiltered
Flaming Hot Cheetos > Banana Chips. Always.
Also: Ketchup as a beverage and toddler food critiques with very adult language.
🌭 Murder Over a Hot Dog
A man at a nudist RV resort in California allegedly went on a murder spree after being handed a hot dog he considered insulting.
The crime involved rakes, hoes, and hidden bunkers. Yes, it’s real. No, it’s not a new Clue expansion pack.
💩 Ric Flair: The Nature Boy’s Natural Bowel Movement
Wrestling legend Ric Flair accused (via Reddit) of pooping his pants in bars across Florida.
No official statement yet from Flair or his bowels.
"Woo!" now has a scent.
Also Featured:
Chronophilia: The sexual timeline nobody asked for.
Another unicorn voicemail dives deep into pedo semantics.
Listener with Klinefelter syndrome wants to know: are these tits hot or not?
Tim tries matchmaking Meade Skelton with an autistic virgin. Because sure, why not.
🟢 Support the Show:
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Banning Wigs, Weaves, and Braids In New York City

🎙️ Distorted View Daily: Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
On today’s show:
🧑‍⚖️ Pastor Manning’s bid for NYC mayor involves... banning braids and fake hair?
😱 “Horse hair don’t belong in the hospital!” – Manning unveils his follicular legislative priorities
👃 A TikTok sniff freak girlfriend goes berserk over stolen skivvies
👨‍🏫 A pedophile philosopher named Galileo 2333 chimes in on immigration and child rape (ugh)
🎒 Canadian school bus driver fired after dressing like a Japanese schoolgirl with “Lolita Line” signage
🧠 Headless girlfriend + cocaine binge = British murder mayhem
🎸 Land Law, the worst country band you’ve never heard of, gets inducted into the Linda Finkel Hall of Fame
🧘 Laughing Yoga returns to melt your brain and cleanse your colon
💦 Plus: Engorged breasts, sobbing pussies, and bad AI ad reads
🎧 Voicemails from the freaks:
🚔 Body cam content tips
💊 Prescription drug hacks
🇯🇵 Mead Skelton doppelgänger conspiracy grows

There’s No Sugar in My Tank, But There’s Cum in This Tree

🗓 Today on the Show:
🎖 Meade Skelton: Dreams of fatherhood, fantasies of Trump paternity, and confusing “sugar daddy” with being gay.
📉 His livestream has dwindled to one sad viewer, but don’t worry—he’s still fighting the liberal war on styrofoam.
🐶 A man gets into a shouting match with a dog… and loses.
📞 A Florida senior calls 911 over 16,000 times. Turns out he just really hates his neighbors and possibly minorities.
🤖 AI vs. the Elderly: Can ChatGPT save the near-dead from scams and loneliness? We put it to the test.
🪵 Tree sex, cicadas, and a light-being titty rapper named Rebel.
🎢 King's Island gets overrun by bugs as screaming children try to enjoy roller coasters through a cicada apocalypse.
🎶 Plus: a Trump rally country-western ballad and some unhinged voicemails, including a tale of full-on dendrophilia.
📢 Support the ShowGet Sideshow-exclusive episodes, full-length bonus shows, and more:🛒 Join the freak family → https://www.distortedview.com🍏 On Apple Podcasts or Spotify? Sign up right in the app for exclusive content!💸 Patreon love: patreon.com/distortedview
📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463💌 Email: show@distortedview.com🐦 Twitter/Instagram: @distortedview📘 Facebook: facebook.com/distortedviewshow

My Mom Didn’t Let Me Suck Her Tits, So I Became a Bear

On Today's Show:
🕹️ Sonic Fans Must Be StoppedMeet Sammy, the Classic Sonic Fan, who flips his shit over Sonic criticism, Capcom laziness, and the injustice of disabled YouTube comments. A 16-bit rageball wrapped in autism and nostalgia.
📱 T-Mobile CEO UnhingedTim plays a clip from a press conference where the head of T-Mobile drops F-bombs and uses “rape” to describe industry pricing. Your wireless provider is drunk on Mountain Dew and marketing lingo.
🎭 Heather Graham's Lifetime MeltdownWe relive Heather Graham’s emotional implosion from Petals on the Wind. The line between soap opera and public breakdown has never been blurrier.
🎸 Guitar MeltdownA frustrated musician loses his mind over one riff, screams at his hand, and kicks multiple guitars. It’s everything DV stands for: rage, failure, and self-harm — all captured on video.
🐻 Bear Blowjobs: A Scientific InquiryPolish researchers observe two orphaned male zoo bears giving each other blowies. Tim theorizes about substitute milk, mother’s nipples, and why he too may be a gay, cum-guzzling bear.
🛒 Florida Mom Brands Kids With FireA woman burns her children with hot sticks as a twisted form of ID tagging. This is why we can't have nice things… or sane parents.
🧃 Mountain Dew-Enhanced Fat RantsA massive man recounts his exhausting first day of school and the life-saving power of vending machine Dew. Every "Hey!" is a sugar-fueled praise break.
🎮 Walmart Wanker BustedCaught masturbating in public, a man insists he thought no one was watching. In a Walmart. In Tulsa. At 3 p.m. Shocking.
📦 Plus, the Showcase Showdown of Random Junk!Fake giveaway promo features every 80s/90s toy, boombox, CD player, camera, and Ford Mustang your nostalgic heart could desire. Armitron watches, Chef Boyardee, and... a sea-ready Snark sailboat?

One Prostitute's Battle With Under-Stomach Swamp Rot

🦠 On Today’s Show:
🧼 Our favorite prostitute returns with tales of Middle Eastern dick, armpit funk, and under-stomach swamp rot
🍞 A woman makes a peanut butter & jelly sandwich during her virtual court appearance—the judge is not amused
📘 Tim receives an AI-generated novel featuring himself, mystical horses, and cum fart strategy meetings at Red Lobster
🐍 A Florida man gets bitten by a rattlesnake and records it all in hopes of viral fame—leg nearly rots off, but worth it for the views
🦝 Kentucky man uses a raccoon as a weapon of retail disruption—follows up a previous crime spree on a mule
🧑‍⚖️ Predator catchers make a fat pedo do jumping jacks while begging for mercy—his main concern? Broken headphones
🗣️ Listener voicemails on masturbation technique, paper towels vs. fleshlights, and an impassioned defense of technical ephebophilia
📦 Featured Image Today:The cover of The Horse Whisper Chronicles: The Tales of Timothy Bethesda Henson — AI-generated masterpiece starring Tim, Unicorn Hamster, Tone-Deaf Sean, and the villainous Squirtteenth Birthday
🧠 Programming Notes:
📼 Friday = Best-Of Episode
🏇 Full audiobook readings of Horse Whisper Chronicles may be coming to the Sideshow soon
🐴 Learn how to publish your own dumb AI-generated novel at bookbyanyone.com
🎙️ Support the Show:
🤡 Become a true freak and gain access to exclusive shows: DistortedView.com
🎧 Listen via Spotify or Apple with exclusive episode feeds
💵 Or join the sideshow via Patreon.com/DistortedView — just $5/month gets you a direct cum-funnel to Tim’s voicemail inbox

Liquid Death Water Demon Juice

🎙️ Distorted View Daily: Monday, June 16th, 2025💥 English Lessons from Japan, Yeasty Pep Talks, and Big Dicks Rising!
On today’s show:
🇯🇵 We revisit the legendary “Zui King English” program where Japanese gymnasts teach important English phrases like “I have a bad case of diarrhea” and “Thank you for spanking me, queen.” Educational AND arousing.
💌 Paying the Island Boys to congratulate your daughter on her first yeast infection. It’s weird, it’s Cameo, it’s Distorted View.
📈 Science says penises are getting bigger year-over-year. Possible cause? Microplastics, Ozempic, or God's delayed apology for the 2008 recession.
☠️ A new funeral trend: dissolve grandma like a bag of jasmine rice! Alkaline hydrolysis may soon be legal in the UK.
🧃 Liquid Death water is apparently cursed and opens demonic portals. Just ask DJ Tanner.
🎵 Whitney Houston karaoke but make it unholy: we sample a drunk bar patron’s eardrum-shattering tribute.
💩 Tito Santana gives surprisingly sage advice to a man who shit himself on a date.
💩 Plus:
Tim promotes his hit poop anthem "Poo Time" from Pure Hypochondria
Listener voicemails on overpriced fast food, free chemo drug samples, and relationships built on the foundation of Distorted View filth.
🧠 Quote of the Day:"I want like a restaurant-style soda fountain... filled with me." – Tim, planning his posthumous beverage legacy

Friday the 13th: Curse of the Flesh Eating Jizz

🧟‍♂️ It's Friday the 13th...and something sticky this way comes.
In today's jam-packed episode of DV:
🔹 Flesh-Eating Semen: Tim reviews a very real, very ridiculous Friday the 13th porn parody featuring lethal loads and camp counselors with poor decision-making skills.🔹 Drunk Live Stream Meltdowns: - Facebook boutique owner Lisa gets blackout wasted and screams at Alexa to play “Pop That Pussy.” - Ex-legal YouTuber Nick Ricada delivers a whiskey-soaked, coke-tweaked rant about cancer, anime, and why he can’t end his own stream.🔹 TikTok Tears & Bans: Influencer Natalie Reynolds storms TikTok HQ after her account gets nuked. Spoiler alert: She's the villain.🔹 Pride Month vs. Military May: Tim proposes a compromise that includes celebrating both gay sex and the troops—just not at the same time. Also: introducing the “Red Scare” for military women.🔹 C. Wilder's Gayest Military Ballad: A country anthem so flamboyant it triggered a Navy veteran’s existential crisis.🔹 Florida Man Alert: A Saudi tourist calls 911 to complain he didn’t get sex at a strip club. America: still confusing foreigners since 1776.
📞 Plus: Listener voicemails, roof color conspiracies, anime conventions in Columbus, and Tim’s bad restaurant suggestions!
💎 Sideshow Freaks — Support DV and get even more insanity:➡️ Sign up at DistortedView.com🎧 Bonus segments, exclusive full-length shows, and a custom voicemail line await!