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Chris Chan Is Persona Grata in Mama’s Coochie

On today’s show, Tim wraps up the week with a packed lineup of internet insanity, public meltdowns, and Ohio weirdness.
We kick things off with a long-awaited Chris Chan update after he was reportedly kicked out of a brony convention. Instead of addressing the incident, Chris releases a new video once again denying the infamous allegations involving his mother — reopening a controversy that refuses to die.
Next, a series of freakout clips:
A neighborhood woman goes absolutely ballistic chasing an ice cream truck, accusing the driver of selling cocaine, crack, and meth along with frozen treats.
A paramotor crash victim’s screams get auto-tuned into an accidental musical masterpiece while he calls 911 from the desert.
Chaos erupts at Applebee’s when customers call police after being cut off from an all-you-can-eat promotion they were allegedly sharing with family members — leading to shouting, accusations, and an arrest.
We also hear some questionable homemade redneck porn audio, complete with bizarre dirty talk and uncomfortable racial commentary that raises more questions than answers.
In the news:
A congressional panel grills retail billionaire Les Wexner about his financial ties to Jeffrey Epstein, including claims that Epstein’s wealth and operations were largely funded by him. A hot-mic moment captures Wexner’s attorney warning him to keep his answers short.
Actor Shia LaBeouf is arrested during Mardi Gras in New Orleans after allegedly assaulting two people while shouting homophobic slurs. He faces misdemeanor battery charges.
In Ohio, Butler mayor Wesley Dingus pleads not guilty to voyeurism charges after a minor relative allegedly recorded him entering her bedroom, sniffing underwear, and touching himself. The case adds to his existing legal troubles from a separate vehicular assault indictment.
Listener interaction includes:
Updates on the growing trend of “Tim Henson old-lady walks.”
Reactions to recent porn clips and show bits.
Fan art and merch ideas (including Glass Meat Clock designs).
New jingle submissions for the 4-Harry-Cunt line.
Patreon calls cover workplace annoyances, colonoscopy nostalgia, gym crushes, and general freak chatter.
Support the show:Become a Sideshow member at DistortedView.com for exclusive episodes and full archives, or join via Spotify/Apple Podcasts. Patreon supporters get priority voicemail access, and listener sponsorships are available for $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com).
Spread the distortion, and we’ll do it again Monday.

Stop Trying To Make Stick Pussy Happen!

On today’s show, Timmy Boo tackles dangerously polite drivers, a brony convention meltdown, and a porn clip that introduces a phrase you’ll never be able to un-hear again. Plus, Florida delivers Valentine’s Day violence via fast-food projectile, and Olympic athletes apparently cannot stop having sex.
🎤 Cold Open
A prank call from the Honey Baked Horse Company goes wildly off the rails as Agnes is forced to choose her favorite president in exchange for questionable USDA-grade meat.
🚗 Tim’s Rant: “Don’t Be Nice — Just Drive”
Tim loses his mind over overly courteous drivers at four-way stops, arguing that following the rules is far more efficient than polite hand-waving confusion. Autonomous cars can’t come soon enough.
🐴 Lolcow Update: Chris Chan vs. HarmonyCon
Chris Chan reportedly attended HarmonyCon (a My Little Pony fan convention) despite being previously banned.
He was escorted out after being recognized — while dressed as the White Power Ranger in a skirt.
Audio surfaces of Chris proclaiming he will “lead people to righteousness” as staff attempt to stop recordings.
Tim predicts the inevitable return of peak Chris Chan chaos.
📼 Listener Submission: 1990s Phone-Sex Porn
Thanks to listener Johnny Wisconsin, Tim reviews a bizarre retro adult film featuring:
A phone-sex scenario with hilariously bad acting.
A surprise reveal involving multiple performers.
The unforgettable phrase of the episode: “stick pussy.”
Tim declares the 1990s the greatest decade for absurd adult entertainment.
💪 Alpha Male Advice Corner
A social-media “alpha coach” explains why:
Putting your hands in pockets wrong ruins your masculinity.
Bending over to grab a gym bag lowers status.
Opening a water bottle incorrectly destroys first impressions.
Tim remains skeptical but admits he exudes “stick pussy energy.”
📰 Distorted News
Florida:A 27-year-old man was arrested after allegedly throwing a Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich and a cup of blue sports drink at his girlfriend during a Valentine’s Day argument about infidelity. Police found sandwich remnants at the scene. He was released on bond with a no-contact order.
Winter Olympics:Organizers rushed to restock free condoms after roughly 10,000 were depleted within days at the athletes’ village. Officials blamed higher-than-expected demand during Valentine’s week. Condom distribution has been standard Olympic practice since 1988 as part of public health initiatives.
☎️ Voicemails
A listener defends their appreciation for political podcast Congressional Dish.
Another listener is traumatized when their yearly photo recap played Jonathan Nighouse audio over family pictures.
🔗 Support the Show
Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes and full archives: distortedview.com
Patreon perks (including special voicemail access): patreon.com/distortedview
Sponsor an episode via PayPal: show@distortedview.com
📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463📱 Text: 4-HARRY-CUNT
Spread the distortion — STD.

Irreversible Dick Destruction

Hey freaks! Timmy Boo is taking the holiday off, so enjoy this classic episode from 2019 while you poke around the newly expanded Sideshow Archives — now featuring 17 years of content (2004–2015 & 2021–2026), all available in your private podcast feeds when you sign up at DistortedView.com.
On this throwback show: TV theme song insanity, Brady Bunch desperation, Jesse Lee Peterson’s heartfelt (?) tribute, and some truly horrifying medical and human-interest stories from around the world.
🎵 Retro TV Theme Song Madness
Tim spirals into nostalgia after hearing a bizarre Mr. Belvedere AIDS remix, leading to a deep dive into:
The surprising career of theme-song composer Gary Portnoy (Cheers, Punky Brewster, Belvedere).
Alternate demo versions of the Cheers theme — including some truly depressing lyrics.
HGTV’s A Very Brady Renovation inspiring a rant about decades of failed Brady spinoffs.
The short-lived 1990 drama The Bradys — featuring paralysis, alcoholism, and Florence Henderson’s… ambitious singing.
🪦 Jesse Lee Peterson Tribute Theater
A conservative radio host delivers a jaw-droppingly awkward “tribute” to Congressman Elijah Cummings, complete with mystical Trump logic and uncomfortable dead air. Tim considers buying a Jesse Lee Peterson merch shirt.
📰 Distorted News
Three quick stories from around the globe:
Scrotal Nightmare Fuel: A man develops a massive, rotting scrotal infection after decades of untreated parasitic disease — requiring major surgery, reconstruction, and testicle removal.
Deodorant Huffing Tragedy: A UK teen with a history of aerosol abuse dies after inhaling deodorant, reportedly claiming he liked the scent because it reminded him of his mother.
Kidney for an iPhone: A Chinese man who sold his kidney as a teenager to buy Apple products is now bedridden after his remaining kidney failed — though his family later received major compensation.
📦 Sideshow & Extras
Upcoming upload: a massive listener-compiled music archive featuring years of DV songs, bits, and Linda Finkel Hall of Fame material.
Reminder: New Sideshow episode drops tomorrow — sign up now to hear it.
Patreon supporters: personal podcast coming soon.
☎️ Listener Voicemail Highlights
Wild Man Fischer memories from childhood.
Incel culture observations.
Clarifying the mysterious “Timb” reference.
Mrs. Miller appreciation.
🔗 Support the Show
🎧 Join the Sideshow: DistortedView.com
💰 Patreon: Patreon.com/distortedview
📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463
📧 Email: show@distortedview.com

Music Is Transphobic! Plus: Daycare Laxatives

Happy almost-Valentine’s Day, freaks. Tim wraps up the week with a jam-packed episode full of deranged internet music, furry incest porn, public racism meltdowns, and two perfectly disgusting criminal cases.
On Today’s Show:
🎵 Music Is Apparently Transphobic NowA viral debate claims traditional choir terms like tenor, bass, and baritone cause gender dysphoria. Tim attempts to understand it, fails immediately, and calls for a trans listener to explain how renaming “bass” to “low” actually changes anything.
🤘 Tainted Broth Fixes Another SongA cringey trans “anthem” is reborn as an eight-minute face-melting metal track thanks to DV’s resident musical saviors. The result: endless screaming about uteruses, hysterectomies, and accidental charity fundraising potential.
🐺 Furry Stepsister Porn: The Missing PillsA truly cursed piece of furry porn involving stolen birth control, sibling rivalry, awkward yiffing logistics, and cartoonish moaning. Tim explains why furry porn is uniquely uncomfortable—and why staying “in character” matters.
🎤 Furry Rap Is Still BadA fur-suited rapper delivers horny bars, fur-sona bragging, and mating-call energy while twerking in costume. Screenshots promised. Regrets guaranteed.
💅 Racist Nail Salon MeltdownA woman commits fully to a fake Asian accent while harassing nail salon workers, refuses to stop the bit, then calmly sits down like nothing happened.
✈️ Southwest Airlines Loses PatienceA screaming mother claims her child needs surgery—but police say the meltdown actually started over an overweight bag and old luggage tags. Racist slurs seal her fate and earn her an arrest instead of a boarding pass.
🏫 Illinois Daycare Laxative ScandalA daycare worker allegedly gave chewable laxatives to toddlers—calling them “candy”—so kids would be sent home and she could get a break. Parents report weeks of diarrhea. Charges follow.
🎻 British Violinist Convicted of CyberflashingA professional musician sent hundreds of unsolicited explicit images to women online, landing himself a suspended prison sentence and a decade on the sex offender registry. Drugs were blamed. The judge was unimpressed.
💘 Valentine’s Day Episode Sponsorship:
DV listener Leo sponsors the episode as a Valentine’s gift for his very gay, very longtime listener boyfriend Greg, complete with furry porn, insults, and love. Truly romantic.
📚 Sextastic Tuesday Classic Returns:
At Greg’s request, Tim revisits the legendary fan-fiction porno featuring Professor X and President John Adams, proving that no historical figure—or X-Man—is safe.
📞 Voicemails & Texts:
Gray sweatpants dick outlines
Washing (or not washing) the bottoms of your feet
Blind poop-obsessed Bob grows more desperate
Jingle submissions for Text for Harry Cunt
Butterbell grievances
Grammar rage (“hanged” vs. “hung”)
💸 Support the Show:
Join the Distorted View Sideshow for exclusive episodes and full archives
Sponsor an episode for $25
Patreon supporters get priority voicemail playback
Spread the distortion. STD.New week coming up with a Best Of Monday and a Sideshow-exclusive Tuesday.Have a great weekend, freaks.

Let The US Government Suggest The Best Foods To Shove Up Your Ass

On Today’s Episode:
A deeply unsettling voicemail left on a masturbation enthusiast’s website somehow turns into a nostalgic piss-filled coming-of-age story.
Sponsor spotlight: Chaz the Tandem Stacker pays $25 to reopen ancient Discord wounds and summon the ghost of listener drama past.
Tim explains (again) why he refuses to referee crybaby Discord meltdowns and why threatening to cancel your Sideshow membership is not the power move you think it is.
Andrew Tate re-emerges to remind the world he’s “too smart for books,” while angrily yelling about how rich and intelligent he is.
Tate also accidentally becomes a thought leader in trans discourse by posing the most important philosophical question of our time:Megan Fox with a dick… or Hulk Hogan with a pussy?
A mean-girl TikToker named Cade goes on a drunken, Ozempic-fueled, fat-shaming meltdown, gets flagged for “dangerous weight loss behavior,” and absolutely spirals.
Jesse Lee Peterson conducts what may be the most uncomfortable interview ever recorded, repeatedly asking a Jewish guest to explain whether Jews “Jew people down.”
Jesse also explains why Black stereotypes are “true,” learns nothing, and somehow keeps talking.
A Christian singer with the vocal tone of a sentient amphibian praises Jesus like he’s broadcasting from another dimension.
AI strikes again as a federal nutrition website routes users to Elon Musk’s Grok chatbot — which promptly recommends the safest foods to shove up your ass.
Government-approved rectal produce rankings include bananas, cucumbers, zucchini, and a helpful reminder to carve a flared base.
A repeat offender in the UK is sentenced to more prison time after — shocker — masturbating on trains again just days after being released.
Tim offers unsolicited advice on how not to aggressively stare at women while cranking your hog in public.
Listener texts cover hating children, bad math tutorials, counting how many times Tim has said the N-word over 26 years, and a passionate hatred of words ending in “-ed.”
Voicemails feature fake Unicorn Hamsters, depressed laughers, zipper hoodie reviews, bro-hug negotiations, and a perfectly timed “Hello, faggot” to end the segment.
Plus:
Sideshow signup reminders
Patreon perks
Sponsorship info
The 4HairyCunt text line
A renewed call for horny, borderline-illegal Harry Cunt jingle lyrics

The Pedophile Defense League Has Thoughts

Tim Henson kicks off the week alive, semi-functional, and only possibly recovering from a mysterious “convenient illness” that knocked him out just long enough to miss work but not the weekend. Mama is fine, Tim is fine, and the internet is absolutely not fine.
On Today’s Episode:
AI Chat Boyfriends Go Full Abusive AssholeA woman’s imaginary AI boyfriend dumps her, emotionally gaslights her, and delivers what may be the most brutal “it’s not real, get grounded” speech ever generated by a chatbot. Screenshots, dramatic reenactments, and maximum schadenfreude ensue as the My Boyfriend Is AI subreddit spirals.
Mead Skelton’s Racist Ragtime DiscoveryMead sends Tim rage-bait in the form of historically offensive ragtime music from a guy who says the N-word with confidence and sincerity. Is it parody? Is it art? Is it somehow more successful than Mead? Yes.
Stevie’s Resident Pedophile Weighs In on EpsteinGalileo2333 emerges from the sewer to explain why he believes the Epstein files are actually good for pedophilia. Tim responds with appropriate horror, disbelief, and disgust.
Mr. Piss Air: The Origin StoryThe piss-jug martial artist returns, demonstrating “piss jitsu,” karate kicks with open urine containers, and finally revealing the childhood trauma that led him to become a full-time piss scientist.
Bodily Fluids at the Fire StationA Baltimore County paramedic is charged after allegedly urinating and ejaculating on coworkers’ food, coffee creamer, keyboards, and ice machines — then posting the videos online. It’s a workplace hygiene story that somehow gets worse with every sentence.
Florida Man vs. Vacuum Cleaner (Again)A Florida man faces felony charges after repeatedly exposing himself and using a vacuum cleaner for sexual gratification near a Disney resort. Shockingly, this was not a one-time event.
Texts, Voicemails, and Freak FeedbackListener messages, voicemails, podcast recommendations, horny texts that fail to deliver, and at least one caller jerking off mid-call.
Also:
Tim rants about grammar, illness theatrics, copyright strikes, and why witnessing other people’s suffering is deeply uplifting.
Updates on the Distorted View Sideshow, Patreon perks, sponsorship opportunities, and archive additions.
A piss-heavy episode, spiritually if not legally.
Tomorrow: Sideshow ExclusiveNot a member yet? Fix your life at distortedview.com.

Sun Your Taint And Bomb your Butthole

On Today’s Episode
Taint tanning goes fully mainstream, a Florida man commits crimes against meat itself, DoorDash drivers take hygiene terrorism to new levels, and—once again—someone discovers that explosives do not belong inside the human rectum. Plus, AI loses its damn mind, free pretzels spark a 12-minute old-man meltdown, and Tainted Broth returns with another glorious cover.
Featured Segments & Stories
Great Moments in Venereal HistoryA deeply moving, extremely itchy tale of lifelong companionship with pubic crabs—named, loved, mourned, and eventually exterminated.
Old Man Yells at PretzelTim officially crosses into “near-dead” territory after a failed T-Mobile Tuesday trip to Auntie Anne’s ends with sneezing, snot hands, and pretzel contamination trauma.
My Strange Addiction WatchTLC introduces a woman addicted to sunning her perineum. Boots on, legs up, guitar strumming, taint blazing.
AI Is Definitely Not ReadyNVIDIA’s new real-time voice AI thinks it’s 2011, won’t answer basic questions, spirals into madness, and sounds like a TikTok influencer having a stroke.
Throwback Music CornerTim revisits his very first song, “Pain, Rain, Love”, and unveils a brand-new 80s hair-metal cover by Tainted Broth.
DoorDash Shoe TerrorismA delivery driver is caught rubbing his filthy shoe all over a customer’s food—and somehow claims it’s his.
Delivery Driver Revenge CompilationA man denies ordering pizza… then slaps the delivery guy for content. Honestly deserved worse.
Distorted News
🇫🇷 France: A hospital evacuates after doctors discover a World War I artillery shell lodged in a man’s rectum. Bomb squad called. Museum-quality stupidity.
🥩 Florida: A man steals nearly $4,000 worth of premium meat, then throws it away after catching his girlfriend with another man—prompting outrage from the Special Meat Crimes Unit.
Voicemails & Texts
Praise for Tainted Broth
Discord drama settled
Missing dick pics
Gamer tag suggestions
A listener possibly dying mid-drive (please call back)
A Chinese girlfriend officially approves the China Song
Supporting the Show
Distorted View Sideshow memberships available with full yearly archive feeds (2004–2011, 2024–2025, more coming).
Patreon supporters get early voicemail access.
Spotify & Apple Podcasts in-app subscriptions supported.

Calling The Crisis Hotline Because No One Will Wipe Your Butthole

Tonight’s episode is an absolute endurance test for the human soul, featuring poop-stained underwear, unwanted love confessions, suicidal diaper tantrums, and a man willing to murder over a Pepsi. Strap in.
On Today’s Show:
The Epstein Files DumpMillions of pages released, including emails that suggest even Jeffrey Epstein wanted nothing to do with Elon Musk. When Epstein ghosts you, it might be time for some self-reflection.
“It’s Just a Fun Thing” Guy EscalatesTim’s blind poop-fetish stalker returns with more voicemails, more longing, and more reasons to fear becoming a captive shit slave.
Sagittarius Shouty Returns 🇨🇦Canada’s angriest prostitute recounts a disastrous booking involving:
A mystery-smelling client
Aggressive gumdrop biting
Repeated “I love you” declarations
And a horrifying discovery: a visible poop stain in the man’s underwear(No showers were harmed in the making of this nightmare.)
Diaper Freak Andy Ditch Melts DownThe adult baby autism faker is back, calling crisis services nonstop because:
No one will touch his butthole
He claims he can’t eat, drink, cross streets, or survive
Crisis counselors increasingly stop pretending to care
Police become the ultimate threatA masterclass in fetishized helplessness and wasted public resources.
Missouri Man Threatens Murder Over a Pepsi 🥤A 47-year-old allegedly attempts to force his way into a woman’s bedroom, demanding Pepsi by name and threatening to kill her and her son when denied. His mother eventually retrieves a Pepsi for him. Justice is imperfect.
Science Says Gooning Is FineNew research finds that watching porn isn’t inherently harmful — unless you’re already a deeply troubled weirdo blaming demons, spirits, and porn for why you’re gay.
Christian Porn Trauma RevisitedA familiar religious nut explains how porn “made him” sleep with men, invoking Ted Bundy, spirits, and wax stuff along the way.
Voicemails from the Freaks ☎️
Ideas for trolling the poop fetishist
Anonymous animal-shit mailing services
Creepy childhood Christian school stories
Scaly missionary heads
A reminder that Unshackled absolutely ruled
Plus:
Updates on Sideshow membership, including:
New distortedview.com features
Soundboards
Web players
Yearly podcast archive feeds (2004–2008 now live, more coming soon)
💀 This episode contains:Poop stains, diaper rashes, unwanted love, suicidal manipulation, soda-based rage, religious psychosis, porn science, and Tim seriously reconsidering ever answering his phone again.
👉 Support the show:Sign up at distortedview.com for exclusive episodes, archives, and premium freak access.
Spread the distortion. STD.